Learning to Live , Again, On Purpose.

The 2 am call…

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Its 2 am and my sister calls, again. I know its her when I try to locate the cell before it wakes the house. She is the only one who calls this late and the calls are always emotional. The alcohol exasperates her emotions, I think its the only way she can turn them out. So as I say hello, I mentally prepare. Though few and far between, over the years I have learned to prepare for the onslaught in seconds. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is not about or for me, its what she needs, just don’t lie, it won’t help.

Actually, I knew it was only a matter of time. Things in her life were going down hill quickly a few months ago. Then she stopped calling me or answering my calls. It was painful to wait this one out. I knew that when the calls started again there would be mourning.

The conversation began benignly. I couldn’t decide if there was alcohol in her voice. She needed advise for a 3rd interview for a promotion she was applying for. In the past, sis never wanted my advise, or so I thought. I always saw her as better than I. Well not surprizing, as that is what everyone showed me throughout. Sis was beautiful, smart, ambitious and charming. The cat is out of the bag now, and has been tomming the neighborhood at large, for quite awhile now. She felt I was better than her, and that I felt the same. Not so! What a surprizing realization for both of us, if she even believes that I don’t see it the way she did.

The advise was given and recieved. Who calls the sister at 2 am for interview advise?? Lil’ sis does, thats who. Now the real convo. Sis tells me that she prefers the conversations to be about ordinary stuff. She confides that she cannot always deal with the spiritual talks where I share that God loves her no matter what. I can hear the wine in the voice now. Talk about God forgiving her makes her feel bad. I can nolonger reconcile how that thought pattern works. I guess its the difference of the “faithfull knowledge” of God’s Word and character, as opposed to the introduction to the same. I don’t know, but my heart aches for her!

Her marriage is over, and she didn’t make the decision. He finally has had enough, He was a trooper, she knows she was the hard one, and he the soft. He stayed much, much longer than I thought he might. I hurt for her pain!  I begin to pray continually for her and him and the girls. Oh! the girls, too old not to notice, and old enough for the anger to  be the reaction. This won’t be pretty. I’m told they are coping, I know they are reeling, I did when it happened to me.

I pray continually. Sis tells me that as long as the content of our conversations are benign they she will talk to me. She says she can’t talk if things upset her. Mom told me the same rules about conversations with her. I guess I am hard to talk to, so why do they call? Why do they choose me? Do they know that I have the answer in the spiritual? They only want to hear it their way, twist it to their liking.

I can’t do that! The document didn’t last 2000 years to be edited by me.

I ask God why? Why did they not hear you in the testamonies? Why did they not see your hand in the signs and miracles of my life. I told them, I showed them as best I could. Why did they undo my prayers? I continue to pray…

Thank you Father that you hold Lil’sis in your hands. You knew these results long before we did. Thank you that you will call her in your timing, that she will feel the relief of your Son’s sacrifice. Father I ask that you protect her Spirit , Heart and soul in the midst of these trials. I thank you for that and her eventual healing from all of the trama that has filled her life. I thank you that even now you are unraveling the coils of pain, that insulates her heart from everyone and everything. I thank you that the cancer of her own self loathing will soon be in permanent remission as she begins the supernatural healing process.

I thank you for protecting the girls and her husband. I praise you that you will give each parent the wisdom to not tear the other apart during this tribulation. I thank you that at the end of this ordeal it is your will that prevails. My savior, my Lord I leave my Lil’sis and her family in your fatherly hands. I pray they chose to recognize your presence.

In Jesus name I pray. AMEN

Author: Hopeannfaith

Welcome, I'm Andrea ... HOPEannFAITH ... I write and take pictures as a way of expression. These are gifts given by a loving and indulgent Father, to a headstrong and stubborn daughter, with much to say. A semi-retired social worker/secretary, I now call myself a writer. I've published one internet article and written many blog posts. However, publishing does not make one a writer, anymore than taking a box camera to the park makes one a photographer. What makes one who and what they are? Well God for one ... formed me before the foundations of this world (Psalm 139); and many, many years after putting away my passion for wordsmithing and picture taking He gave it back ... in droves. I am a culmination of my choices and experiences. It is here that my experiences color the world in print and color. It is my goal to reach just one soul a day with love ... encouragement ... understanding or just letting that soul know that they are not alone where they are today. This is about creating ~ all of it. Creating a HOLY and SACRED place where the ugly truth can be healed and the beauty of a moment or a tear can brighten a day for the experience. Why HOPEannFAITH? Hopeannfaith is my inner child, and she is maturing, as she should have done all along. She is learning all about how Faith fulfills Hope. She is learning how to live. HOPEannFAITH ~ the wonder twins all wrapped up in one, me. These are my Journey Journals ~ written and visual. I welcome your company. I welcome your friendships. My Journey is in the light ~ although I have and will share the shadowy corners and the dark ~ so you know that you are never alone there. If we hold hands in the dark, and we walk, side by side, through the shadow, we will reach the Light together. In relationship with one another and with the Light. Blessings.

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