God’s Word is full of Promises…we need only trust in Him and His word.
For me, a woman of faith, this has been mostly an easy course for me. I do, though, know the difficulties that people have with faith. Two of my favorite men have had great difficulty with this concept and practice. I, being the control freak I am, and not aware of the intensity with which I clung to my illusion of control, had yet another epiphany. My control freak status meant, simply, that I was not standing as firmly in faith as I believed I was! I had become self-righteous in my faith! Imagine that!
This last 3 weeks, today, have peeled back several layers of the onion that is me. Saddness, grief, spiritual desolation (self inflicted) all worked for the good in the Lord. Thank you my sweet baby Shane, your presence in my life has been eventful!
I drifted through my grief, alone. Grief is done alone, did you know this? Yes, alone, no matter who is bringing the caserole or doing the dishes, alone. The hugs, the listeners, are all a blur. I appreciate all they did, I know who you are, but I was in a desolate and numb place, and chose, somehow to allow a distance between myself and my Jesus. A terrible thought, as this seperation was not at all intentional. I, in fact, just realized that I had done this. You see I spoke to God, asked questions, prayed, praised, did what I knew to do. Still, yet, a seperation occurred.
What I learned? The seperation is empty, and numb. By grace He never goes very far. In my diligence to understand my new “feelings”, emotions, saddness and sorrow, I fought to hear from Him. I do not believe that I was moved so much as I stopped and stagnated where I was when my sweet baby Shane went home.
I found my Jesus in the praise and have come to enjoy His presence in the Holy Spirit once again. Praise His Holy Name!
He only is my Rock and my Salvation. He is my Defense and my Fortress,
I shall not be moved.
He will not let your foot slip or to be moved; He Who keeps you will not slumber.
These promises were confirmed in my life through this time of loss and desolation. I am sure there is more to be gleened from this grief experience, there is always more, Amen. I am simply grateful that my faith, as small as it truly was, held out. I am thankful that His Spirit has returned to speak to my heart, mind and spirit again.
My God is a Good God all of the time.