Learning to Live , Again, On Purpose.

Today marks one month…

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Shane Matthew Jr., June 17, 2008

Shane Matthew Jr., June 17, 2008

July 17, 2007

Since we lost my grandson, Shane Jr. Holly blogged a letter to the baby venting her desire for Shane to talk to her. He was sullen today, but stayed home and straight. Holly went out and no one knew where she was, she returned straight also. I praise the Lord for that. They both are doing wonderfully in regard to their addictions. Not that it is not a battle for them both.

I Thank the Lord that He is with them and this family. I Thank Him that they are letting Him lead them on the path He has chosen for them.

Today, a month from our loss, I went and visited my uncle. He looked better than described. In an attempt to avoid being with too many family members I did not tell my mother that I was going. As things would happen she and Pop drove up right beside me. I was shocked to see what the medications have done to Mom. Pop seemed old and tired. I am sure he is, being that he is probably taking care of 99% of the house work and care of mom. Yet, he will not move back up here, where family is, and can help. I’m done suggesting it.

The visit was a bit tense. A cousin who doesn’t like me, for unknown reasons, since childhood. LOL!! Mom somewhere in bipolar land…other cousins talking trivalities and gossip, while not handling a sibling that is not taking care of things (their father) in a way that respects their mother’s need to be with her husband at this time.

Seeing my aunt in pain, while my mother makes lame attempts at comforting her. It is a sad time. I succeeded in not getting in the fray. I told my uncle I loved him and kissed his cheek when I left to go to my Grandma’s house for a short, positive visit.

It is the end of the day, and for the most part God has graced me with his peace. I miss my grandson, I ache a bit for my Holly and Shane. I know God has this and us in His arms. Just like he has Shane Jr. in His arms right now.

Blessings All.

Author: Hopeannfaith

Welcome, I'm Andrea ... HOPEannFAITH ... I write and take pictures as a way of expression. These are gifts given by a loving and indulgent Father, to a headstrong and stubborn daughter, with much to say. A semi-retired social worker/secretary, I now call myself a writer. I've published one internet article and written many blog posts. However, publishing does not make one a writer, anymore than taking a box camera to the park makes one a photographer. What makes one who and what they are? Well God for one ... formed me before the foundations of this world (Psalm 139); and many, many years after putting away my passion for wordsmithing and picture taking He gave it back ... in droves. I am a culmination of my choices and experiences. It is here that my experiences color the world in print and color. It is my goal to reach just one soul a day with love ... encouragement ... understanding or just letting that soul know that they are not alone where they are today. This is about creating ~ all of it. Creating a HOLY and SACRED place where the ugly truth can be healed and the beauty of a moment or a tear can brighten a day for the experience. Why HOPEannFAITH? Hopeannfaith is my inner child, and she is maturing, as she should have done all along. She is learning all about how Faith fulfills Hope. She is learning how to live. HOPEannFAITH ~ the wonder twins all wrapped up in one, me. These are my Journey Journals ~ written and visual. I welcome your company. I welcome your friendships. My Journey is in the light ~ although I have and will share the shadowy corners and the dark ~ so you know that you are never alone there. If we hold hands in the dark, and we walk, side by side, through the shadow, we will reach the Light together. In relationship with one another and with the Light. Blessings.

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