Here I am looking to the heavens again.
“I am not my own”.
I revisit the concept that it is not about me. Yet…still…I remain in resentment!
” If any man come to me and hate not….” ~ Oswald Chambers writes…To say ” I have not my own” is to have reached a great point in the deliberate giving up of self.
The deliberate giving up of self…I know this is required of me, to give myself to the Lord, for His good service. I believe I do my best, however I end up right here, again, dealing in anger. They tell me it is a process.
Chambers continues ~ ” The Holy Spirit expounds in the nature of Jesus to me in order to make me one with my Lord, not that I might go off as a showroom exhibit.”
The process. I must conquer this resentment phase. The boiling of my blood, regardless of the knowledge that this is not what I am to do…regardless of the fact that I am not comfortable in my skin when feeling this way…So around this mountain I go…
I pray…Psalm 141:4
Lord I thank you that I “do not incline my heart to any evil thing, To practice deeds of wickedness with men who do iniquity; and do not let me eat of their delicacies.” I thank you that with Christ in me I can resist these feelings of self centeredness and self involvement. I resist and send back to the pit of hell all that is not of Christ in me. In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen.
As I look up to where my help comes from I realize that anger and resentment has the qualities of wicked delicacy…While it does not feel good and well within me…it still rises to the top in richness of emotion and vindication…
So easy it is to ask self…what about me, why me, why is always me…me…me…me…self sings while skipping off into the whirling dirvish of entitlement.
I resist and Look up…again…I do nothing alone!