” strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy;”
I am going to remain in the verses I was in yesterday…specifically Colossians 1:11. I am dealing with the realization that I am to be strengthened with all [His] might…according to His glorious power…for all [ to walk in His] patience and longsuffering with joy.
Then he said to them, “Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”
I am attempting to come to terms with the occurances of the last two weeks. There was a definate shift…I feel I know what I must do…I am confident in what I am called to do…I have been given back my favorite gifting of all…the writing. Yet I am having trouble writing…
It is once again Monday and I do not feel like doing anything at all. I feel depression pressing in on me and am actively fighting it. So I repeat this scripture verse mantra…
“strengthened with His glorious power”
“having all the patience and endurance you need.”
“be filled with joy”…yes these are slightly out of context…I know…but they are the traits that I require to get through this part of my journey.
Is it all right, I ask myself, I ask God, that I do not want contact with this ” my friend” who treats me in such a violent fashion?
Is it all right that I do not believe him or other’s that he does not realize that he is purposely harmful to me? Others as well, apparently.
Is it all right that I do not want to go to places where I was beginning to get healed because I no longer feel safe sharing myself in his presence?
When I ask “is it all right” I am asking if it falls within proper Christian behavior. I know that I am supposed to be an example of Christ. And we all know that Christ did not avoid confrontation…
The personal attack I received on Thursday evening, my sponsor says is not a valid reason to not do the things I normally do. Even if that person is present at them, all of them. So I continue to place myself in a place I feel is unsafe? Because today he won’t do that? This is confusing…
God did not make me a doormat. If this person leveled an attack because of his misguided passion on a subject, does this not mean that I have put a chip in his “belief”? Does that not mean that I am challenge to his beliefs. And I still do not know how a person who looks straight at you when attacking comes to the conclusion that everything is ok the next day? What is wrong there?
Ok, so do not focus on the circumstances…do not be moved by what I hear, see or feel. In my head that makes sense, I know it to be true in my finances and other areas of my life…so I must, I am determined to instill it in my personal safety area.
So I go back to a tried and true scripture:
” The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.” ”
As the 1980’s song goes, by whom I do not remember…” Do I stay or do I go?”
The atmosphere of the well is cloying today. Wrought with self doubt and personal loathing for all of this cowardace in me…So I look up…seeking the face of God for my strength…
Trust God, not man [or woman] right?