HOPE*ann*FAITH

Learning to Live , Again, On Purpose.


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The Firing of a Spirit…and the frustration spark!


My Frustration

My Frustration

Isaiah 64:8

8 But now, O LORD,
      You are our Father;
      We are the clay, and You our potter;
      And all we are the work of Your hand.
Another adjustment has come. These transitions are coming very fast and furious. Although they bring with them frustration, I seem to be accomplishing break throughs. 
AMEN! Praise God!
So I have been given another chance to stand and be obedient to the word of God. As much as I detest all of these “programs” being utilized to “refine” my being, I am finally, beginning to realize postive change.
Again, the Glory and Honor is for God here! I do none of this without Him.
So, yesterday’s {11~18~08}, and today’s {11~19~08}, test for my resolve.
Midterm exams at Bible School.
Two of the classes proved to be very difficult. The teachings were hard to follow, for me. The third class was brought good revelation and synched well with the first term classes. Picking up the flow nicely.
So I do not believe I did well on the first two exams. The were difficult to understand, and did not seem to be in sync with the notes I took. Not doing well on exams frustrates me. Oh well, I did my best, but by the third exam I was completely frustrated and make silly mistakes on the test. More frustrating.
So I am frustrated, yet have accomplished something! I held my frustrations until I was home and spoke with my husband. He agreed that the first two tests were challenging, and he did not understand somethings, either. That is very telling, my husband is incredibly intelligent!
But I did not vent uncontrollably to anyone! That is a milestone to me.
And this morning, I was able to call my sponsor for advice and direction on how to deal with the resurgence of the frustration. All I can remember her saying was:
1. Is it yours or does it belong to son, husband…so on?
2. Is it important?
There were more but I concentrated on those for the most part. I made it through the day, quite well. She said she was proud of my progress.
I can tell you that I cannot wait until I stop feeling crawly when she complements me.  I know this comes from my childhood. Oh well, someday.
Then later a friend, also in bible school, shared her frustration this evening. I tried to tell her that this was not about us. That we had to get past this without allowing the frustration to get out of hand. The teachers would deal with the issues in whatever manner they saw fit. We need to accept the answers to the exams in accordance with the way the subjects were taught. We don’t have to like it, we just have to accept it.
My sponsor says this may begin to reign in my personal character defect of believing my self smarter than others. Embarrassingly I do, and I really do not like this in me. I just want to be quiet and let people be as smart as they are.
So the way I see it God is refining me in the fire. This fire was clearly sparked by frustration. Angers angry little cousin.
Frustration: a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs.
I am very grateful that it is not rage or anger! That is an act of God too!
It would be so amazing if the rage, anger and wrath of my “inner brat” was finally at a close. I want to focus more on my physical health. I realize that my mental well being must be dealt with first, but I anxiously await the completion of this phase of my refining…
I want to be Silver! It is beautiful!
So I am off now to get a good nights sleep. I look forward to what God has for me tomorrow.
I thank God, the source of my hope, that He will fill me completely with joy and peace, because I trust Him. I thank Him that I will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus Name, AMEN.
My prayer of Proverbs 21:31; I share it with you. There is nothing like praying the Word of God!
Blessings All.