HOPE*ann*FAITH

Learning to Live , Again, On Purpose.


1 Comment

Depression…


December 10,2008

Trying to Illuminate and Energize with God.

Trying to Illuminate and Energize with God.

Matthew 6:25-27

Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
 
Depression defined is a disorder marked by saddness, inactivity and difficulty thinking and concentration. A decrease [the only good thing here] or increase of appetite and time spent sleeping [much time]. Feelings of dejection and hopelessness.

And here is what concerns me right now: a lowering of vitality or functional activity.

I have no desire to move, or do anything. This has been the case for quite awhile. I fight it, but I look and I may be losing ground here. I go to work and church and all of my church commitments, that is about it. I have no enthusiasm for anything but sleep.

The Spirit of Depression...

The Spirit of Depression...

Understand, I have been here before, so I recognize it. However I have come to that thing about the difficulty thinking. I don’t know how to stop this. I feel as though I have no vitality,and I function only on an as need basis. I hate this feeling.

The scripture says not to worry. “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life,”; ok, so I try not to worry. I don’t think I’m worried, I know that I know that God has this, all of it. Yet, still, my flesh is doing what it always does when things are tenuous in life…my mind and body are going down the rabbit hole here, regardless of what my spirit tells them. So what now?

The bible tells us to stand. When we have done all we know to do…Stand! And I do, I think about doing the things that I should be doing, I pray about doing the things I should be doing. I pray in thanksgiving.

A training in Bible School really spoke to me… the following is from my other blog;

 http://hopesvisualfaith.wordpress.com/healthy/continual-prayer-im-healthy/

We had been taught just the night before that God saw things and spoke, always, in the Future. That He continually saw the finished product of us, a situation, all of humanity. For God everything is done and as a happy and proud parent He is well pleased. We have already made Him love us.

Future Tense means, simply and unimaginably: Everything is Past, Present and Future. Everything is NOW. If I ask for healing, I already have it. God sees me healed, I was healed of any, ANY, forseeable illness or disease that  WAS, IS or WILL BE. I did say unimaginable, did I not? Unimaginable in regard to the human capacity for thought, that is.

God speaks in the Present Perfect tense ~ it is ongoing, continual and it does not end.

God always speaks in the future ~ HIS Present Perfect !!

So my healing, the depression included, has already been purchased and provided. Yet I battle still. I trust, I believe, I mean I am incredibly excited that God’s vision is Then, Now and Future! All right NOW and for Me! Right now all of these things and more are for me…and by the way for you too!

My other blog is about gathering my hopes, in a “visual file” so that I can learn to see my hopes, assisting my faith to grow and work. I look at this blog…visualizing my healing…and the other things hoped for.

For now my focus is divine health, and for that to occur the depression has to be put to bed, now. I’m sure I will have more on this soon. It has been an incredibly long and difficult year for me, and those who love me. Too much loss, too much for one person to have to give up. A lot of loss…A tremendous amount of sad.

I have often said prayers like this one, on my own. However, this one, prayed and mentioned by my Grand-Sponsor, often, rings in my spirit each time I hear her utter even a piece of it.

The Seventh Step Prayer:

 My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellow. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. AMEN

I’ve said similar prayers many times in the last few years…resulting in the peeling of the onion which is me! It has been painful, even excruciating at times. So I will use this prayer as my affirmation for this next week and a half.

I desire to be the best me possible, and I ask my Father God, my Creator, to remove from me this depression that continues to attempt to control me. I ask Him to be swift and remove these negative generational curses from my spirit, soul and body, right now. I call forth the energy of my Lord to illuminate and energize me with the strength of my Lord Jesus Christ, which is joy. I praise Him now and forever. AMEN.

AA’s Big Book also says, and it resonates within me:

Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about me.

So I’ll continue Looking up where my help comes from, My Lord.