The last devotional I remember reading, I mean really remember, was February17th’s the Initiative against Depression! I read others, however I don’t remember them much. I may have had a moment of revelation~ but is it revelation when it is truly only a moment?
In my written journal ~ it’s supposed to be 3 pages each morning ~ yet I can only manage 1 page~ I have found that I am depressed. And in my depression, is it a surprise that I do not care?
“Arise and eat”… 1 Kings 19:5
I believe, no, I am sure, that one week ago this morning I wrote a whole inspirational post inregard to this devotional, on my other blog. So how did I get there from here?
I spent the rest of the week in bed, sick. For me it instilled the depression I was attempting to avoid. I guess the blah feeling was the beginning of the cold I had contracted. By Thursday of last week I was in bed feeling ravaged. I only left the house for church reasons the rest of the week, until right now…
So how do I feel today?….
“I don’t want to” is the theme. I don’t want to: be awake. go to work. talk to anyone. do anything!
Ever notice how depression is all about the “I” in things? This feels very deep and foreboding. Dark and brooding…anger? Is it anger? If it is I cannot put my finger on what exactly I might be angry about just now, or in the last week. I mean aside from everyday frustrations.
So “Arise and eat”, Chambers says to do the ordinary things, until the Spirit rises and directs me further. His devotional says things, at times, that God has clarified for the Church since Chamber’s time.
Basically the devotional says that if we were not able to be depressed there would be no “capacity” for exaltation. Right now the church is teaching us that God never intended or brings on “depression” or any negative thing. And the Word of God clearly states the same. However, there is the whole Adam and Eve thing and allowing these things to exist. We brought them to the garden and now they exist…God did not enact them, but He did create all things, all concepts…our ability to think and reason these things.
Now, I do not believe that my being depressed is in anyway beneficial, at all. If I do not find my way out of this it will only deepen. Into what I fear to even think about the possibilities. These things tend towards prevelence in my family.
So the devotional says to wait on the Holy Spirit to guide me to the common things in my life, so that I might find God in them. “Arise and eat”.
So I will get up…I will read the Word, not just my devotionals, not just my memory verses…I will choose a book and I will read it, I will “eat” it. I will find in it the ordinary things God expects of me so that I may find my way out of this vortex I have found myself in…
I will Look UP…for my help.
I know I need them, so I extend them.
May the sun warm your skin.
May a touch warm your heart.
May a word spark a memory.
May your Spirit soar to God.
Have a Wonderful Day my friends.