is very limited.
I read an article about how to find God. Like all intellectual Christians ( I’m assuming the author was Christian) the first comment was “God is not lost, we are…” Common rule of thumb. Yet it fit in with the theme of my week.
God, knowing where He is and where I am, and yes! where you are. Is always there. My unpleasant existance this past week, between illness, discomfort, isolation and ending in a deep two day depression was ” Me Lost”. I realize what the problem was, yet it is still so vast in my head that my humanity is struggling to put it into a understandable format. God will have to do that, and I know that He will.
Basically, even before the end of ’08, we have been walking under an ‘Open Heaven’. You have too, if heaven is open, it is open to all.
Let me clarify an open heaven, in my understanding:
God’s kids (ALL of Us), have received a revelation. I know my family and church, for the most part have, and from devotionals to broadcast ministries, I find that most of the kids are in the same place.
Walking under an ‘ Open Heaven’ simply relates to walking in the full blessings and promises of God. And we are. This week proves it to me. I was in a bad place and God blessed me anyway.
Depression is anger and fear turned inward! That is how the world defines it…that is what it is…depression is a condition of this world.
Depression is not faith. It is not trusting God. Therefore it is indulging in sin. Depression is an inward look at ‘poor Andrea’. If I am looking inward, I cannot LOOK UP, nor can I be a servant of the LORD. If I am staring in the mirror of my sin, I cannot be there to serve my fellows. I am of no use to the kingdom when focused upon myself.
Yet there I was, in depression, in sin…in disobedience to my Father! Don’t know why, I believe I know how…yet it remains.
God is faithful though! LOVE NEVER FAILS! That is to say, God’s love never fails!
As I stood on the edge of the swirling vortex of a deeper depression, God reached down and grabbed me. Standing me on firmer ground. Even as I looked up and realized what He was doing, even as I heard His voice and responded in my numbness, I gazed over my stubborn shoulder into the mezmorizing vortex that I am so familiar with, as if thinking about which choice would be the better choice.
Still, His love for me overrode my sin and He blessed me. As if to say look, here is proof that I AM bigger than your circumstances. That since you have diligently obeyed, since even in your disobedience and self absorbtion you, my girl, have spoken my Word into your pain, I AM here to rescue you, again! And Always!
I do not deserve this type of love.
The world would have you believe that I am not responsible for my condition. That my affliction, is many years of unspeakable things inflicted upon a soul. That I have every right to feel the things that I do. That I have the right to view things the way that I do, sometimes. That when I walk among them, as if I belong, that I should be given some kind of break, because it was not my fault, it was not my doing, I am not responsible. The world would have you, would have me…has actually had me, believe that I have a right.
Yet, I do not have a right ! I know a truth. A Truth that cannot be unknown.
That God loves me, no matter what I do or where I am. That the creator of this universe, of all that we can fathom and more Loves Me!
So what right do I have to wallow in the world’s understanding of my condition? When I could be telling them the condition of God’s Love.
Even as I wriggle about in this skin of mine, a home of discomfort and heaviness. I wonder how I could choose to wallow in the black hole of self indulgence over the Love of my Father God. How does, could, my human existance ever feel better than God’s love?!
The thought that I could chose anything other than God’s love is foreign and even painful. Yet, without the Word I will forget the feeling of unconditional love as if it were the aroma of lilac on a spring breeze. Just a beautiful thought for a moment in a world that is primarily at odds with love and God and joy. Without constant indulgence in the Word of God, I will choose my nature in place of my Father.
We were thrown so very far from the Truth of our Nature when sin entered. So very far from what is a fleeting memory here in our human condition. Is it any wonder that the world cannot fathom.
Oh how I beg just to Thank God at His feet that He should allow me to know who I truly am! I am humbled by the magnitude of my truth!
What I mean to share with you today, besides the ramblings of the Daughter of the King….is this:
To walk beneath this Open Heaven with me there is only one thing you must do. It is really quite complex in it’s simplicity. Complex because at the end of the day and every moment inbetween you, I, will struggle with the thing, we will fight to understand, because it is just so unfathonable.
All we must do is:…..believe…
…just believe………….Yes! that is all…………
BELIEVE…..B….E….L….I….E….V….E……believe that God love you…me…all of us.
Want something to hang onto while you float in this sea of wonder? Okay …
24 Therefore, I tell you, all the things you pray and ask for —believe that you have received them, and you will have them.
There you have it. The Truth of it all. Simply believe…