HOPE*ann*FAITH

Learning to Live , Again, On Purpose.


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A Testamony!


This began as a Status report on Face Book…when I got to the word children in the text box I realized it was too big for just a status…it was a full testamony. So I will write it properly and share it will everyone who cares to have their hard time eased by the works of our Father, God, Our loving Creator!
 
A Testamony!
Like many of us, my family and I are going through some hard times. Well standing in faith is all I can do, and I thank God for my Spirital parent’s that taught us the advantages and the skills of that unswerving faith! The Word says that if God can trust us with a little he can then trust us with much…I believe I have reached the much!
 

However, God is kind and loving and encourages His children with proof of His very presence!
Family turmoil is no stranger to me…as my regular readers know well…
 And by the way I cherish those of you who visit regularly and extend your kind and generous encouragement. I need to tell you that more often. I mean who am I but I humble journal-er who remains amazed that God allows me to have regular visitors! I am blessed…by you!
So back to the testamony!…
So caring for my grandmother, while the rest of the family, her children, my absent siblings and cousins, are either in melt down or out of the state, has brought many of these little signs that He is right here with me. And more, as if I deserved it, that I am right where He would have me be.
I recieve a devotional each morning by Kim Potter, a New Thing Ministry. Praise God, Kim is always right up in my business! And I love it. If you click the link I provided it will take you to her site. I encourage you to click her link for motivational archives and dine there awhile. Be on the look our for one called the little things.
God is faithful, always. Just this week in all of the overwhelming business of our lives my husband and I got out of synch. He had lapsed over into fear about the bills and I was diligently attempting not to lapse into my resentment about it.

 

In the last few years we had come into covenant with God and each other for unity in all areas of our lives. Of course the trials of life do not end…so we weary at times and waiver. I’ve learned not to nag, I think, you’d have to ask Don, 😀

My Love
My Love

I just pray…and for many months now I have learned only to pray the Word of God. In my turmoil I cannot get His Word wrong, and He tells me that His Word does not return void…so there I am!

There have been many a beautiful and small sign from Father God! Oh, how does one put this into words?? Those tiny vessels that we use to communicate with one another. They just seem too fragile to describe the joy of what God will show us!
Anyway, like I was saying. In the last week my love and I have wearied much. I am not sleeping home so that I can properly care for my grandmother, she has adequate people during the day, it is at night that she would be alone. Praise God that He has provided me with employement that allows me to be available at night for her. Therefore my husband and I have done a lot of quality passings.
I of course am not sleeping well, because I am not home and on alert. Thankfully, things are going well and I believe she is truly on the mend this time! Praise God!
The last three days have been exciting here. My husband came out of his funk, and I was out of my fatigue for a moment and we talked, and it was good.
I asked him if he was still praying, unfortunately we pray on different levels and we do not pray together. He said he thought he was…that evoked in me an anger that I could not quiet. I promptly told him that wasn’t the unity we had agreed on and that it wasn’t acceptable! Blessedly we have the wonderful ability to communicate well when we do. And as I thank my God let me tell you my husband is one who is slow to anger…good for me, because I have issues with that command.
He said ok. And we went about our days. Well, sometimes when I respond to his crisis’ of faith in that manner it jolts him out of his funk. God is good and faithful to use what we give him for good! 🙂
I apologized later in the day and things were good when I left for the evening.
Our last phone call was one of those signs from God. My husband sounded happy, and this, his happiness, is my main concern. Through AA counseling I was taught that another person’s happiness is not my responsibility or business, not even my husbands. From the start I rebuked that idea!
If other’s peoples happiness and comfort was not our responsiblity why are we told in the Word to be all things to all people? I must abandon some of the concepts of AA. My, God! ( higher power) says differently.
We discussed the last few days. He finally confessed that when it comes to the finances of our family that he falls back due to fear. I thanked him for that confession, now I could pray. I believe the nag got out at that point and the conversation went into a lecture of how to pray and stay in faith. My gracious husband say I was “not at all” nagging.
I believe I haved mentioned here in this blog that we have aquired the prayer book, Prayers that avail much, by Germaine Copeland.  I find this book very helpful when attempting to pray to a particular situation. Plus it is praying the Word and gives the scriptures used at the end. Very helpful, especially in trying times.
The signs from this morning:
I was driving home, in the quietness of  6 am traffic, on route 37 in New Jersey, headed sleepily towards the Garden State Parkway. On a wooded stretch of the highway the gorgeous morning clouds glowed with the sun hidden behind them.
Beautiful and pillowy these clouds had the shining silver lining we always hear about. Right there before my eyes…clouds gleaming a cylinder of light shot up and remained there, brilliant and bold…it was the tunnel!!! You know! The light at the end of the tunnel!
Except the whole tunnel was a peacful gleaming, loving light! Again, this is not even close to an accurate description! Destinctive rays fanned out from this tunnel and the clouds and I just knew God was telling me…here I am and your time of turmoil and weariness is about at it’s end! I could hear those thoughts and feel the relief of my sign.
Oh how I wish I had had my camera…I’m keeping it with me from now on!
I returned home to find my husband asleep in my spot, for the second morning in a row. Tears coming to my eyes, because I miss him too! He even still had his sneakers on. Funny how they just run amuk when we are away, like 12 year olds! 🙂
Our morning then took on the normal routine. The boys off to work…waking my husband from his deep sleep. Coffee and Fox local news for the weather…I fell asleep. My husband came out of his office, ready for work. I sat up and he handed me the prayer book. Groggily I asked him what…He asked me to “find one”. I found the prayer for household finances and told him I thought he could start with that one, plus there was a really good part about unity. And I reminded him to make the prayers his own, mainly because not all of them are exactly what we believe (that all prayer should be in thanksgiving, and that all things are already done, simple doctrinal differences). But also because all prayers are someone’s and ours should be our own petition and thanksgiving, not another man’s words, no matter how anointed that man may be.
My husband’s response was no, find one for us to pray! My second sign for today! So I promptly went to the prayer for submitting all to God and we began to pray with me reading and adapting the prayer to us, as a couple and as a family. What a joy. My husband left this morning with a smile and I fell back to sleep praying thanks and joy and just all those things that do not have adequate description in words.
My third sign was the New Thing Ministry Devotional “Little Things”. I will post it here because it is not in the archives yet…bear with me…I find these things vital!
 
 
A New Thing Ministries

 

The Little Things

 

 

On June 23, several people sent me an email from The Elijah List with a prophetic word and teaching by Mark Chironna.

For several days I have read and re-read this article and there is one part that I feel impressed of the Lord to share with you. I will put the complete prophetic word in the next section of the motivation but I want to point out this one part, if I may.

“Pay attention to the signposts, for they are the meaningful coincidences that I bring you through to let you know that this is Me. This is Me. This is Me. These are the things I will do,” saith the Lord, “and I will not leave them undone for this is a season of the acceleration of momentum and the beginning of small that leads to large miracles.

“Despise not the small miracles. If you will celebrate them, they will get bigger. Begin where you are. Take the next easiest step of faith and discover that what is being stirred up in you is about to be manifest in the events of your life,” saith the Spirit of Grace.

A signpost is defined as a guide, a beacon, an indication. God is saying to look for the little things – little miracles, little provisions, little improvements in your marriage, little improvement in your health.

He is saying to look for these little things because they are a guide to the big things, they are an indication that you have stepped into a new place of blessing and it is the little things that lead to the big things.

You know, it is like a dam that holds back tons of water – the breaking of that dam will begin will a small hole in the dam, the size of a pin, with just a little water trickling through – however, before long more and more water pushes its way through and before you know it all the water has broken through.

God is saying this is how it is going to be in this season – it will begin with little things. But we have to pay attention to the little things. We have to recognize the little things because it is only when we celebrate the little things that God will cause them to get bigger and bigger until the fullness of the blessing of this season is released upon us.

As we celebrate the little things – we will see an acceleration of things and they will become bigger and bigger. If we don’t recognize and celebrate the little things – we will not see the big things.

Have you seen the evidence of small things in your life lately? Have there been MOMENTS when you could see the hand of God at work in your marriage? Did it seem better just for a moment? Did your health appear improved, just for a moment? Did you receive a small financial increase? Did you experience a moment of hope that you haven’t felt in a long time?

If you have experienced any of these ‘small’ things – I encourage you today to celebrate them – make a big deal over them. Appreciate them as you would if they were really big miracles – tell God how very grateful you are for these little things. These little things are your indication that the bigger things are here too – but first, we must be thankful for the little things.

If you are faithful over little – God will make you ruler over much. Are you being faithful to praise Him for the little things?

I had never really thought about it like this until last night – but I can assure you that from now on I will be as thankful for the little things as I am for the big things – they are my signpost – leading me to the fullness of my blessing – they are my indication that the fullness of my inheritance and my promise in God is here.

‘Father, today, I thank YOU for the little things!!!’ ‘I take today and celebrate the little things!’

Kim Potter

 
 
  

I recall that during our conversation last night that I described some recent “little things” that God had given me and that I wanted those things for him. I wanted him to watch for the little things, so that he could be comforted too. I believe this…that as a couple in unity we will prosper, yet I also believe that we walk out our own salvation. Therefore there will be things we, my husband and I, will naturally go through individually, seemingly alone. However, if I am always aware of his spiritual health, and he mine, we can pray safely and in unity for each other.
His battle is mine, I was made to be his helpmate. Submitted to God and to him, always, to see to it that we remain as one. Just as God had intended it.
O’ Boy I am blessed!
Blessings!

 

 


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Emotionally Speaking…


Handling My Day to Day

Handling My Day to Day

  I feel deep apprehension today. It sickens me that I feel the way that I do. My grandma should be coming home from the hospital today (again, this is her 3rd admission in just short of as many months). This is a good thing!

So why do I feel like I do?

Because it means being overwhelmingly busy, which is fine, except that will be mixed with having contact with my mother and other family members who I’d rather not deal with. I actually feel a foreboding! The seperation from my husband and boys, where I am safe from the chaos that is my parents and others, feels very overwhelming.

I wish grandma lived with me. Then I could avoid contact with the others. I began to feel, or I should say hear, my mothers disgust in my head. Her venemous words describing what she truly feels for me, when she is not being observed by others. I find I also dread the thought and the presence of my fake mother, the one who professes to love me when she is in the company of others.

This situation is truly trial by fire. Remembering to stay in prayer, to guard my heart from those who are supposed to love and protect me…well, it has always been this way.

I searched for scripture to pray and found one for handling the day of trouble or calamity! Maybe it’s a bit over the top in some opinions, but I assure you this apprehension is deep. I am going to adapt it to my prayer. I believe one must do this or you are just simply praying someone else’s petition.  I, also, pray in thanksgiving. Because even when I am feeling this foreboding I realize that God’s promises are still intact for me.

In my emotional upheavel, my deep and overwhelming pain, God is still God. What I am going through does not change that He has control in all of the situations that involve me! Isn’t that incredible. So while I have trouble wrapping my head around the concept, I am in His care. Further, I haved the victory, no matter what is swirling around me or in my head!

Father, I come to you in Jesus’ name and in complete thanksgiving. I thankfully acknowledge You as my refuge and high tower. You, alone, are a  refuge and a stronghold in these times of trouble.

In these times You hide me in Your shelter; in the secret place of Your tent will You hide me; You will set me high upon a rock. Now I will lift my head above my enemies rounding about me; in Your tent I will offer sacrifices and shouts of joy. I will sing, yes! I will sing praises to You, O’Lord. Hear, O Lord, when  I cry aloud and I thank You that You answer me!

I declare that I have been made the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, according to the Word of God! When I cry for help, only You, Lord, hear me and deliver me out of all distress and trouble. I thank You that you are close to me and save me from this crushing sorrow. Lord, many are they who confront me, yet You deliver me from them all.

I humbly thank You for being so merciful and gracious to me, even when I do not extend the same to my enemies, O’ God, for my soul takes refuge and finds shelter and confidence in You; yes, in the shadow of Your wings. I find refuge and I am confident until troubles, destructive storms and strife are past. You act on my behalf and reward me. You, alone, bring to pass Your purposes for me and surely You complete them!

Father, thank You, You are my Refuge and Strength, mighty and impenetrable to temptation, my very present and well-proved help in this, my time of turmoil. AMEN

I’m off to meditate on these things. To swing the sword of God at my circumstances.

Blessings!


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Happy Fathers Day!


As I spend time with my Heavenly Father and honor His dedication to me and mine, I wish honor to all of our earthly Father’s for a job well done.
Our families and children thrive upon the Love of God shown through our men in their fatherhood.
Have a Blessed Day Men!
Happy Father’s Day!


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God’s Hand In My Circumstances…


Peace

Peace

I haven’t been here in a bit. In fact writing continues to be an issue for me…stress and being too busy has blocked the writing. So I am trying with this blog to get the juices moving again! I did manage to write an article on Helium.com check it out for me and let me know…I thought it might be good. How to Define “Sacred.

Yet, I have two other articles on my heart that I am having trouble getting onto the page. In  fact Sacred took me three weeks to get on the page. These articles, in the past, have taken me mere hours to write. Why, because I did them at the urging of the Holy Spirit…I was not blocked by my circumstances.

As in my last few blogs I have been dealing with family the last 3 months. Now, God has had me put my parents and siblings at arms length because the relationships were not healthy, for me. They are content with the way the conduct their relationships, but I am here to tell you our family relations were not and are not of the healthy kind.

When I got the revelation from God about what to do in regard to how I dealt with my family issues I began the long road to healing and good mental health. This process was complicated by (sorry guys!) menopause and my immediate family issues. It took a good 4 years to bring it all into working order.

God bless my husband and boys…they stood by me when I was insufferable. I am grateful for their dedication and love for me.

God succeeded in me and I came under obedience. Now…trial by fire!

One morning I awoke to my day to day and realized I was whole. Oh! What a joy that was…upon that realization the Holy Spirit washed over and through me as a confirmation that I was healed! My goodness there are no words for this sensation, this wholeness, this knowing that I had been instantly healed by the hand of God. In that moment I realized a knowing tha I have been successful in retaining…that only the Word of God is to be prayed.

Along with the healing and the wholeness, I had an instant lifestyle change! Think about that…an instant lifestyle change…that easy!

Now you may be thinking…Hope, you said 4 years of turmoil and work…that is true, but I went to bed the night before ill and mentally and emotionally broken and awoke the next morning whole and healed…over night.

I began to pray only the Word of God in all circumstances. When I awoke to another stressful day to day I went to the Word to find the answer and I prayed in all thanksgiving that the problem was solved. I put all of my trust in my God! I put all of it in His hands! And He moved…He moved mightily!

Again there are no words to describe this. However, I can testify that when we are obedient to the voice of God…not just the words in the book, but the Voice of God through the Word of God, when using the book to guide our lives. There are those of you who know exactly what I am saying! And will join me in the testamony that the results is out of this world…it is truly supernatural!

So my testamony!

I have been caring for my Grandmother. She has been ill for going on 3 months. In and out of 3 different hospital in two months…3 different incidents.

Finally with this last bout with her pacemaker (the last 2 incidents were pacemaker failure) brought her children together. Like my parents and siblings, they do not communicate well. My mother, being mentally ill, has issues dealing with the stress. And often feels like she is not loved or respected, enough.

I prayed the Word heavily about all of this for these long months. And God moved. They discussed what it is they all can or cannot do for my grandmother. Some of it was not to the liking of each of the siblings, but hey, that is none of my business. I managed to calmly stay out of it…until…

At the beginning of June I called my mother to see how my grandmother was doing…she was staying with my grandmother on a night when I had a church function I was obligated to. My mother, who had really not spoken to me since her arrival, was colder than usual so I asked the question. I had prayed about this conversation and thanked God that he would guide me in this conversation.

I asked if she had issues with me caring for my grandmother. The answer was like repeatedly being punched in the gut. She let out a venomous litany of  scorn upon me…I was at a church fundraiser at the time. Thank God I am the church secretary and was in my office! She claimed disappointment and discouragement in me because she had been told that I was being paid to care for my grandmother! Like I said my family is not a healthy one.

I told her she was mistaken and asked why she had not asked me, and she simply continued to believe the gossip that had obviously been misunderstood. It made me physically sick for literally 24 hours! And I kept praying.

I called a “sane” Uncle so that I could return the gas money my grandmother had made me take, on the threat she would not call me for help if I didn;t take it. I knew she wouldn’t take the cash and I knew my Uncle could deposit it. My Aunt and Uncle were very upset by these circumstances and put me straight about the fact that what was between me and grandma was our business and noone else’s!

My mother had, once again, made me feel  like an unloved 5 year old. I was so very hurt by the lies! She does this well. I know now it was how I was built by her. I was seasoned to take this from her and she relys upon my reactions…it’s her illness primarily. However, it does not stop the pain.

I was so very hurt by the disappointment that my mother professed. That I was a disappointment crushed me. Please realize that this is not the first time these things had been spilled upon me. So, inbeknownst to me it opened an old wound, in all of that pain I did not realize it. I kept hearing in my head that I was useless and a disappointment, that I shamed my family! It just kept rolling and rolling for 24 hours!

And then I prayed. With the help of my Aunt, Uncle and dear friend, JR, I finally remembered to pray for me and the circumstance.

Oddly, the morning after the phone call with my mother, my grandmother had the 3rd and final incident with the pacemaker. She went to Deborah and had surgery. That is when her children began discussing what it was would be done to insure their mother’s quality of life.

The surgery went well, and I am back to caring for grandma,. Mainly medical appointments and some overnight stays with her. Mom (mine) has had a change of heart (as much as she can, we will see, I don’t hold out a lot of trust in this as here illness usually interferes) and I continue to pray for peace in our entire family. And God is moving!

The greatest thing ever is my grandma! We were sitting in the surgeons waiting room for a followup yesterday and she was looking quite tired. I said something, and she said ” I don’t feel as well as I did 3 days ago, and I knew why this morning.” I indicated that I was listening and she continued, ” I realized that it was because you have not been over to lay hands on the surgery site and pray!” I pulled her wheelchair to me and held her hands and I prayed right there in the doctor’s waiting room. She closed her eyes and appeared to relax. When I finished we talked about God and the Word. She was feeling guilty because she had not been reading the bible much anymore…she said ” I can remember some parts of scripture and then I don’t remember the rest.” I told her what the word says about the Holy Spirit bringing the Word that we hide in our hearts to our rememberence, when needed.

I reminded my grandmother that she had spent many decades reading God’s Word and now God was keeping the promise to bring what she needed to her. Through memory, through me and through my cousin Pete who is a new and hungry Christian!

I am awed by the favor God has given me to be one of her grandchildren that has brought a new understanding of God’s love and the gift of healing to her. I’ll say it again! There are no words.

So all is going well. I am tired and stressed, yet the stress is somehow dull and not effecting me. I rely upon God and His Voice through the Word to sustain me…because God’s grace is enough for me!

Blessings!