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I believe….My Personal Sahara


 

Dry

 

I entered a Dry Season, unknowingly,it crept up on me and seemingly, overnight I was dying…       

Having survived this dry season; I want to say it was six months long. However, looking back, it was probably more like a year ago it began. That’s  when I knew, being the secretary, that we were loosing our church, and likely with it our Pastors‘, to a new call of God on their lives. I was simply unaware I had entered a dry season, because I had never experienced a Dry Season, in my walk with God.        

A year of building anger, sorrow and a deep sense of desolation and abandonment.           

I look back from, feet firmly planted, what feels like well nourished land. I have landed on my spiritual feet, so to speak.           

 I look back.           

 What was the lesson there?           

 I look back at that parched and cracked place that was my heart. I believe that that is where the desert experience, or the dry seasons, occur –  a place in the heart. I look back and I see the dry and cracked ground, the remenants of my “old” heart.           

 Then I think, I cringe, at the thought of having written the word Survived! As if some old wives are going to run in and jinx me! Ah, will the old man never leave this flesh?           

 Obviously I have survived to this place where I, again, feel comforted by my God. This peaceful solitary where I can audibly here my Father’s voice. Where the Word of God soaks in deeply, stirring the very Spirit of God, which is the essence of who I am. The Garden of Eden, where the Word is richly fed and cultivated. Sown into that Good Ground we hear about when we sit comfortably in our usual aisle seats on Sunday mornings.           

 Yet! I want, desperately to take back that word… survived!     

  The ‘what if’ in my flesh begins nagging, maybe I am not done, yet, in that desert place.          

 The ‘what if’ Distraction.          

 Distraction from the very thing God was teaching, preparing me for.           

 The lesson?           

 Survival?           

I have honestly survived much in the short 40 something years of this life. Some things small; some so huge one must believe in miracles and a God who saves.           

Literally SAVES, as in rescues.           

 The Desert!           

 Have I survived the desert? A dry, brutal place. Worse than any clinical depressive state I endured at the urging of heredity. Yes worse than that black swirling vortex of nothingness and depravation.           

 A Dry Season of the Spirit.           

 Because, as a Christian, I had only heard about being dry, because I had only those scriptures in Exodus and Ezekiel that told stories with illustrative analogies to go by, I didn’t realize what was happening. I didn’t recognize the slow progression of dehydration. I attributed the emotions to my heart event, the transition the church was going through and the unfamiliarity of the church we were becoming. I didn’t like the changes, I wasn’t comfortable with these new people, they didn’t know me, my family….           

 Dry Bones… Ezekiel was talking about, illustrating, the desert experience. I believe…        

 What was the lesson?          

 Mine, I believe….          

 “I believe, I believe…It’s silly but I believe”; I hear Natalie Wood‘s sweet voice, in A Miracle on 34th Street, repeat over and over again.           

Matthew 18:3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.           

 I believe…             

My lesson; what I gleened, from my dry place was two fold.            

Trust God with God’s things! Very important.     

A change in Pastors.          

A loss of my Spiritual Parent’s parenting (they are not lost, they are out on a different mission for the Kingdom.).          

 A church move and some of the Church Family moving on.          

These are God things.           

 I, being His human daughter, thought I knew best what should be. I began demanding, of God, to know why, and bucking every change that occurred.      Being me, I envisioned what we would transition into and it was not what God, or the new Pastor had planned.          

 And then the battle began. Long before I even knew I was in a battle.          

 Having been taught well,  I knew the, “touch not My Anointed” deal. As the church secretary that was utmost. I was one of the layers that buffered the Pastors’ during the week and on Sunday morning. Making appointments instead of just allowing anyone with a gripe to infultrate that barrier.           

 But the new Pastor, he didn’t want this. The new Pastor had a new, his own, vision that God gave him. And I had the audacity to come home each day and speak what I thought about that!!!           

 I never considered that our Church had moved up a level. I never considered that the changes were from God. By the time this revelation came I could no longer feel anything spiritually! I had created my Desert Experience.     I felt like I had a terminal illness and that God had left me. Note I said FELT. I knew He had not forsaken or left me….but I nolonger was enjoying His tangible presence.          

 Elvis God had left the building!      My joy was gone…what was I going to do?          

 I was certain I would die.          

 The second thing I learned was that this Desert place was a place of preparation. I learned this as I was leaving the Saharah of my heart!            

You see, God wanted, I believe, to see if I would remain in my place. If I would utilize that tremendous Faith He had instilled in me to trust Him with this, the most important transity life, thus far.Even my heart event, I believe, takes a second seat to the importance of this spiritual transition. In all of my angst, anger and sorrow, would I stay? Would I fulfill the station God had set me in. Would I man my post, in a time when I felt that everything was being taken from me? Just everything, every shread of our Church life was being uprooted, and things I didn’t realized had been lost in the move, including siblings in Christ, (they are not lost either, :), they have moved on to what God has for them. All is well.).           

 Would I remain?          

I didn’t know up to about a week or two ago. Talk about the fence, mine was disintegrating beneath me, like a raw wood slat rail that had weathered too many alternating seasons. My fence could no longer weather any storm. I was broken, dry, barren. I was the weary talked about in the bible.          

I was also the picture of “Stand, and when you can no longer stand….Stand some more!” Unlike Moses, though, I didn’t have an Aaron and Hur to hold my arms up in praise of the LORD. My desert experiencewas a slitary thing, I didn’t feel comfortable burdening my friends with what I was going through, for several reasons. Still, somehow, crying and screaming I stood! Crying out and praying I managed to continued to praise, but it was all the more painful when the music didn’t get in…     

This is how that felt…     

 

 Somehow I got the breakthrough.           

 How?           

 Many times a dry season is to push one to repentence.           

 I believe…           

 I believe mine was for me to give up, yet another family, to God, for God. Long story, being from a fractured family; fractured by mental illness, divorce, abuse of all kinds and then addictions, my family seems, feels, nust be gone, at a distance. A long distance. Therefore there was a sense of deep abandonment that resurfaced in this dry place. There is a reality of abandonment in my past, so I didn’t understand why it was, suddenly returning. The God I knew did not operate in this fashion!           

 I felt as if none of this was of God…for the longest time. I couldn’t see God in the changes, the transitions that were occurring in many areas of my life, simultaneously. Yet, I stood. I remained still, knowing God was God.           

 So I survived :/ …or was I victorious, or…           

 Have I been sent to the next level? Or all of the above?           

 I have to say, I don’t know. I’ve, through this dry experience, learned to leave God things to God.           

 That fact of the matter, to my joy,  this heart is being soaked again. This heart and this spirit can hear my God again.           

 I believe I was being prepared for what God had prepared for me. I’m not sure what that is, but I have a hope. I know God planned for me to have a hope, prosper and nothing can harm me. That is as long as I be still and know that He is God. As long as I hold my post, as meanial and lowly as it feels. As long as I am obedient to the call that God has on my life.           

 I’m going to stay in Ephesus. Here is a great article, it was the first thing that spokecontaining the very quiestions I had been worrying like a bonebefore I saw the edge of the forest from the Sahara.           

 I read today a great post over at Sarah Markely’s blog: A Loose Grip: On Loosing a Home. I’ve lost my home, my first home…someday I’ll give my salvation testamony and you will understand better. I lost the Home God literally told me was mine: our Church.            

Sarah talks about letting go of the things that we find vital in a home…            

the laughter            

the mural your son drew just about the toy box            

the old comfortable chair…(on the aisle)            

She described how we attach our emotions, our feelings, sometimes to inadament things…like the walls of the room where laughter reigned; as if somehow the sound of our joy was encapsulated in the paint and sheet rock, stored for eternity.            

She revealed my horders heart, in her post, in her sweet by raw way. I love her unashamed honesty. Go here, read, and then love on her. She is irrestibly lovable.            

I was hording memories…and as Steven Furtick said in this sermon: Get Back #1: You cannot build on yesterdays memories.            

So, I am boxing up those memories. Storing away all the pictures of RLFC’s greatest times, to look at when I can handle them. And I am going to hold those things that I am having trouble giving up, loosely, so that when the time comes for them to be packed, or discarded or given to one who would benefit more from them, I will be able to let them go.            

For now, I am grateful to my God, that I have come out of the dry season. I still have issues, but I am working those selfish things out with Him.            

I am grateful to be out, and me again. Even if I am still, simply standing in the first shade of the lush copse of Cyprus; still within reach of that arid, cracked desert.            

I see my Sahara, and like that depressive vortex of hell, I never want to return there.            

So it is to the next thing I go.            

To this new thing God is doing.            

Expecting God to guide me.            

Expecting the blessings that Father always gives His kids.            

Because I believe…I believe…it is VERY important that I believe.            

After all it really is the only rule…            

I believe…            

             

1 John 5:4-6 (New International Version, ©2011)            

4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.            

6 This is the one who came by water and blood—Jesus Christ. He did not come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth.            

Here are some Scriptures on Spiritual Dryness for reference:

John 1:1,14; Jude 4; Romans 5:1; Habakkuk 2:4; Jeremiah 17:19

Blessings Loves ♥

             

    

        

          

   

     

       

   

  

    

   

 

         

 


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Fearfully & Wonderfully Made


   

Let My Words Be Few

 

I had every intention of beginning a Let My Words Be Few Thursdays theme, here at HOPEannFAITH…  

You know, a few profound lines of wisdom and encouragement, mixed well with Scripture. A determined effort to say the most, with the least words {not an easy task for this long-winded writer…}.  

Alas, this post won’t fit in the “few words” category. It does, however, fulfill the profound, for me.  

I’ll begin   Let My Words Be Few Thursday” next week, the first Thursday in February! I hope you will join me. Until then..  

 Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. Psalm 139  

“You are the God Who sees me.” for she {Hagar} said, “I have now seen the ONE who sees me” Genesis 16:13  

I find it comforting that I found a Genesis scripture right now, because 2011 is My Wholeness year, a new beginning!  

It’s my 46th birthday. I got up this morning and one of my first thoughts, in the silence before the Men’s Club bustle began, was this: “They’re not going to call.”   

Sadly, “they” are my parents.  

There it was, once again, in my face, on my birthday! Like every year, for as long as I can remember. The first beat of this heart on “my” day, aching and sorrowful, to ruin my birthday. I was about to play the old “poor me” tapes….  

NO! I stop myself. I’ve been working on this, with God, setting boundaries. The no longer enjoyed my permission to affect my heart, my spirit or my family. I had set this boundary, and to my amazement it was kicking in, today!  

I determined I would not sit and wait and feel abandoned, yet again, for their phone calls.   

The bustle of a morning with 5″ of wet snow began, and my men began preparing for their work day. My husband called from his place in front kitchen fire, “Happy Birthday, Beautiful”. My sweet man, I doubt my beauty even as he professes it, daily.   

Coffee, key searches and Dachshund walks done and the last man, my eldest son { just 25 on Monday} leans over and kisses my cheek and leaves for work. A peaceful silence falls as that snowday sunlight; seemingly more shiny and more sparkly for its reflection off the snow crystals, shines through my thrift store lace curtains.  I’m new to enjoying the silence and serenity of being alone.  

Then the thought of my worthlessness, the ache for my parents to remember, care, love, creeps in, bringing Self-doubt with it. I push it away and open my e-mail. I go through the bevy of devotional and motivational blog e-mails I have signed up for and begin deleting the ones that don’t speak to me. This too is new to me, I promised myself that I would regulate myself to following just 3 blogs in 2011,  because I had developed a guilt for deleting them. Yes, guilt, I felt guilty for not reading every inspirational woman’s post that I received! Maybe because I write and believe I owe them for their inspiration, or because I think someday I will need it. So I had to teach myself to delete the ones that God doesn’t speak through, to me, any given day!  

O’ see how I digress…can anyone say WORDY!  

I come to the e-mail from Proverbs 31 Ministries and open it.   

When the One You Doubt is You by T. Suzanne Eller: {go and give her the love she deserves for encouraging us!}  

As I read the title, I know God sent this post is for me, {Like I said, I read the ones that SPEAK to me.} through Suzanne, for my birthday!   

Odd, right? Self-Doubt!  

Not odd at all, this is the way of  my quality time with Father God. 🙂  

You see, when I got up every fiber of my flesh wanted a pity party on my birthday, like every year. I silently refused my flesh, sat down with my coffee and opened the e-mail devotion.  

I think to myself, as I sip my hot, smooth Folgers, ‘How does she know? I mean she doesn’t know…ahhh, but God does, and He uses His Jesus Girls to feed and comfort and encourage each other! 🙂 God is good that way.   

In the post Suzanne says [my wording]:  

Self doubt can confound and consume us,  or it can be a path to honestly assessing why “doubt” is there and what can be done about it, with God.  

It’s like Suzanne is reading my journal, I glance to my side and there it is…  

I have been diligently working on what can be done, about many of life’s issues, with God. For a loooonnng time.  

Then Suzanne opens my lunch box! She shares a childhood event of a friend, Lysa TerKeurst, that causes deep self-doubt and what it spun 😉 in her life.  

‘Twirling’ for father’s approval, to no avail.  

I had done the same exact thing!   

I can see the event in my mind {until now it didn’t have the heading of event, now I knew that was precisely what it was.}. That day, that event, was the day my daddy scarred my ‘little girl’ spirit. ~ I was dancing and twirling for my father, in a homemade dress; my mother made our clothes then ( a throw back to the 50’s, she was!) and  “when daddy gets home…”…  

When daddy came home, my baby sister ( I was about 3) and I were dressed to the nines, in lace and frills.   

This day, my beautiful, petite baby sister on his lap, my daddy broke my little girl. He shattered that excited “daddy’s home!” pink little heart.   

As I twirled and danced and giggled with glee and went to jump onto his other knee,  his response was a harsh, “Sit down, you are too big for that! Sit down and be a big girl.” And he readjusted the baby, cradling her in the crook of his arm (she was about 1).  

Today, as the tears fall on my 46th birthday, I have found the root of a lifetime of self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy, even worthlessness.   

ღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋೋღ❤ღೋ  

We live in a world that twists the meanings of the languages that God created for us, {this has ALWAYS made this writer crazy angry.}.  

Self-doubt is not self awareness, meekness or ever humility.  

Self-doubt is, in fact, an unhealthy twist on humility; a distraction from our dreams and God’s will and direction for our lives.  

Suzanne provided some good questions we can ask ourselves as we do that healthy self assessment in regard to the what, when, why and who of the self-doubt that exists within us:  

Do I have a valid reason to doubt?  

Is my doubt due to a particular person(s)?  

Is my doubt  due to something in my past?  

Is it the enemy causing me to doubt?  

So, this morning as I pondered the amazing amount of White showing through my Red hair, making me look dusty, I contemplated having the courage to let the red grow out to see just how white it was {God has apparently  honored my request for white hair, like my great-grandmother Godwin}. I realize, again, that I am 4 years to 50.   

A half century of life!  

Amazing!   

I read the part about Lysa’s memories…and then immediately wrote a poem, I’m hoping…No! I faithfully know that this breakthrough is going to mean health to my body, spirit and mind.  I’m excited as I have a goal I am working on, and this experience today feels like God saying: You are of Beautiful Worth and You are going to succeeded!   

The Father’s Delight  

There was a child,  

Small and full of light,  

She twirled and twirled,  

Seeking father’s delight.  

The sun shone in,  

The window pane,  

No matter the sorrow,  

No matter the shame.  

The little girl grew,  

Twirling dizzily each year,  

Twirling and dancing,  

Seeking and yearing with fear.  

The Son shone into  

Her heart aching with pain,  

He eased the sorrow,  

And took her shame.  

She danced, again a child of light,  

Her heart full of joy.  

She twirls and twirls…  

To The Father’s Delight.  

A wonderful woman who read this story today reminded me of an incredible video by Mercy Me ~ Beautiful. I thought I’d add it here, even though this post is long! 😉

Blessings Loves ♥  

Andrea  


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Leaning Not on My Own Understanding – MMM Update #4


I find it interesting that with each of these MMM challenges, I think this is my third challenge, I am met with a wall of stress.

Why???

Because, I always choose God‘s Word, and the adversary does his level best to ensure that I (we) don’t get these Mega Verses into our hearts and spirits!

So this week, I have written out, in hand, Psalm 91; I cannot tell you how many times!! 😉 

 I’ve found that I do not particularly like this particular translation, I chose to memorize, as I thought I might. It’s great for reading,  in reference to understanding the Word; however,  my mind wants the poetry of the NKJ or even the NIV versions. So this is a bit more tedious than I had planned.

This week, as I used point parts of this Psalm for my daily scripture guide and status on Face Book, a friend from, elementary school, mentioned that it was an amazing Psalm when understood. Well then I got my exhortation on! I answered her with:

“The full understanding of Psalm 91 is astounding! It is all of God’s promises of protection, from all over the bible, gathered in one message to us from God…and the only requirement is that we abide in his shelter and shadow! and……as if that were not blessing enough, that last 3 verses 14-16 are literal words from God, directly to us, that He loves us so much that when He rescues us He will have a celebration to honor us! Imagine, just like the Prodigal…with each step we take in the areas of our live in which we need rescue, he celebrates to honor our achievements in Him…it’s mind blowing! ♥”

Today I was able to rely upon this scripture while ministering to two women from church.

Then my day went haywire, in a big and stressful way.

My head knows this is the enemy’s way to keep me in a feeling of failure in regard to my writing. I haven’t written anything, except blog posts, for months! This is not a good thing (not the blogging),  I desire to write for a living, but I gotta write to earn, so distractions…focus…that is why I am here at 10 pm writing this post, instead of apologizing in the morning for being a day late. I will write, I will find focus, I will locate my routine again.

You see I have made the Most High my home! 🙂

I find I have a huge STOP in my spirit. One that must be revealed so that I can follow this calling God has so graciously returned to me.

A friend on FB posted this earlier today: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge God, and He will direct your path.

While I don’t understand where this Stop originates, it will not stop me entirely, for the Lord is my refuge.

And how that answered my need, today. So back to the Mother of all comfort scriptures: Psalm 91. I’m going to try this in one shot here tonight, bear with me…  :/

Same rules as before: RED for having to look; Strike outs for those things I just get wrong,  outright.  My favorite verses…14-16 in Italics {new}.

1. Whoever lives under the shelter of the Most High will remain in the shadow of the Almighty

2. I will say to the Lord, You are my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.

3. He is the One Who will rescue you from the hunters’ traps and from deadly plagues.

4. He will cover you with His feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.  His Truth is your shield and armor

5. You do not need to fear the terrors of the night, arrows that fly during the day,

6. plagues that roam the dark, epidemics that strike at noon.

7. They will not come near you, even though a thousand may fall dead beside you or ten thousand at your right side.

8. You only have to look with your eyes to see the punishment of wicked people.

9. You, O Lord, are my refuge! You have made they Most High your home.

10. No harm will come to you. No sickness will come near your house.

11. He will protect you in all your wa put His angels charge of you to protect you in all your ways.

12. They will carry you in their hands so that you never hit your foot on against a rock.

13. You will trample step on lions and cobras. You will trample young lions and snakes.

14. Because you love me, I will rescue you. I will protect you because you know my name.

15. When you call me, I will answer you. I will be with you when you are in trouble I will save you satisfy you with a long life. save and honor you.

16. I will save you satisfy you with a long life. I will show you how I will save you.

Well, there you go. My progress, I’m not sure I did as well this update as compared to last weeks. And there is so much about this Scripture, revelation I have received, that I want to share. Like Meagan over on Stand and Consider  did with the last MMM, I see myself spending the rest of the year truly memorizing this until it wakes me in the night, or I realize I am reciting it like prayer throughout my day!

The Word is truly alive! Thanks Meagan, that encouraged me immensely.

Next week is our celebration and I intend on typing out Psalm 91 in Picnik , with a back round  I created last year…:) Whether I have to look or not…I am getting it.

You see, I have made the Most High my home!

Many Blessings Loves! ♥


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and now, My MMM Update #2 (should be #3…) Psalm 91


and now, MMM Update #2

Devotions and the MMM Challenge

I have decided to utilize the same memorization tool that I used last year. It worked, yet I didn’t manage to fully memorize my verses. So I try again!

The memorization tool I uses is the first one on this list that Ann Kroeker provides at the MMM Headquarters.

 This is Psalm 91, set up for Verbatim Memorization.

I also write it out longhand, yes with a pen and paper, at least once daily, and I read it several times daily.

I try to remember to read it out loud and with conviction. It really is a great Psalm read aloud! The Power of God fills the room when read aloud.  

The words in Red  are the words I had to look at.

The words struck out  are the ones I got wrong altogether.

I will now attempt to type this jewel of God’s Protection from my very, very stressed mind! J

Psalm 91 (GOD’S WORD Translation)

1. W l u t s o t M H w r i t s o t A.

Whoever lives under the shelter of the Most High will remain in the shadow of the Almighty.

 2. I w s t t L,“Y a m r a m f, m G i w I t.”

I will say to the LORD, “You are my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”

 3. H i t o w w r y f h’ t a f d p.

He is the one who will rescue you from the hunters’ trap and from deadly plagues.

4. H w c y w h f, a u h w y w f r. H t i y s a a.

He will call cover you when he with his feathers, under his wings you will find refuge. His truth is your shield and armor.

5. Y d n n t f t o t n, a t  f d t d,

You do not need to fear the terrors of the night, and the fiery darts arrows that fly during the day,

 6. p t r t d, e t s a n.

plagues that roam the dark, epidemics that strike at night noon.

7. T w n c n y,e t a t m f d b y o t t a y r s.

They will not come near you, even though a thousand may fall down dead beside you or ten thousand at your right side.

 8. Y o h t l w y e t s t p o w p.

You only have to look with your eyes to see the punishment of wicked people.

 9. Y, O L, a m r! Y h m t M H y h.

You, O LORD, are my refuge! You have helped me have made the Most High your home.

 10. N h w c t y. N s w c n y h.

No harm will come to you. No sickness will come near your house.

11. H w p h a i c o y t p y i a y w.

He will put his angels in charge of you to protect you in all your ways.

 12.  T w c y i t h s t y n h y f o a r.

They will cover carry you in their hands so you never hit your foot on a rock.

13. Y w s o l a c.Y w t y l a s.

You will step on lions and cobras. You will trample young lions and snakes.

 Not too bad, so far. But obviously more work needs to be done…

Now my favorite part…God’s personally speaking to us! Let us see how I do…

 14. B y l m, I w r y. I w p y b y k m n.

Because you love me, I will rescue you. I will protect you because you know my name.

15. W y c t m, I w a y. I w b w y w y a i t I w s y a h y.

When you call to me, I will answer you. I will be with you when you are in trouble I will save you and honor you.

 16. I w s y w a l l. I w s y h I w s y.

I will satisfy you with a long life. I will show you how I will save you.

 Wow! Only 3 words I had to look for…good, but a bit disappointed, this is my favorite part. The part I show to others how much God loves us.

So how are you doing?

Blessings Loves ♥


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God’s Promise:Protection in the Dessert…


For the first time in my Christian walk, I am in a dry place. This desert is cold, oddly enough, and I ache. I press into God, like I know to do and yet…

I still could cry at any moment.

I still cry out to God for guidance. I hear His comforting voice say, “Feed yourself child, even a small child goes into the kitchen and finds a morsel when she is hungry; drinks from the tap when her throat is dry. Feed yourself.”

So I feed myself and still feel sad and heartsick and …Dry.

Since this is a first I am (was) completely lost as to what to do. So I do as the bible instructs and I press in and stand; I get in the Word and stand on what I know. Yet months I feel more deeply parched.

 The dehydrating of my spirit is causing confusion in my thinking…and back to the Word I go.

I call our new Assistant Pastors…very, very close friends. Siblings in Christ, family and ask pointed questions. Why? Because this is very personal to the transition our church has had in the last several months. It feels like I am not being fed in church, like there is a drought of the Holy Spirit. Yet…I know this is me, not everyone. I know that to move forward in the ministries God has planned for me I must serve gladly and willingly, in obedience, to the man of God, the Shepherd I am placed under.

I know this is mourning. I felt this when my uncle passed away last March, but differently. It is the mourning of the move of my spiritual parents, mourning church as it was…

Dryness is uncomfortable, but I realize I am not being moved; therefore I am not to go to another church to find what I believe I am missing. I know that I am not to move…yet I crave the Fire of the Holy Spirit. I crave a spirited sermon. I find I am craving the past…and this is not good. It is not forward movement it’s stagnation.

So, I press in. I pray more, I praise more; I look to the Word more, I listen more closely and press in during the very, very good teachings of the Pastor, knowing that this dryness will be watered by these things. Soon, as I cry to the Lord, I will be answered, because He never leaves nor forsakes me.

I found this today. In my angst, this dryness, I didn’t get around to my devotions until later in the day. Although I did pray, I did spend time in Praise…but still I am dry.

This is how I feel, have been feeling…honestly. [the words in brackets are my insertion; how I read this Psalm…how I pray these scripture verses.]

Psalm 38

6 I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
7 My back is filled with searing pain;
there is [seems to be] no health in my body.
8 I am [feeling] feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

15 LORD, I wait for you;
you will answer, Lord my God.
21 LORD, [I know that You] do not forsake me;
do not be [are not] far from me, my God.
22 Come quickly to help me,
my Lord and my Savior.

Come quickly LORD…I desire to delight myself in You, LORD, not just simply exist in You. Come quickly.

Blessings Loves ♥


8 Comments

MMM Update: Ps. 91 God’s Protection: Standing on the Promises in My Weakness


Hello Loves! 🙂

This is my MMM Update…I really thought I would have to be doing this on Fridays or Saturdays, but here I am on Monday! My stats always say I post most times on Mondays! 🙂

I don’t have a real knowledge of how much I have memorized of Psalm 91, but I can say I have been deep in this wonderful Psalm of God‘s Promised Protection. I have decided to changed the translation I want to memorize to the God’s Word translation. I will be going back to the original post to edit it for the correct translation! 🙂

Hopefully, I will be able to post mid-week, the progress I have made actually memorizing this most important Psalm! 😉 As well as give a link to the tool I choose to use to help me memorize this time around.

At this time I am reading Peggy Joyce Ruth’s:  Psalm 91 God’s Umbrella of Protection. In it she writes:

“There is [however] a uniqueness about this psalm. Promises of protection can be found throughout the Bible; but Psalm 91 is the only place in the Word where all of the protection promises are brought together in one collection – forming a covenant written by God Himself.”  With her I exclaim, “How powerful that is!”

I have, personally, been delving deep into meaning of Psalm 91 since June 2, 2010, and my diagnosis of heart problems.

I don’t know how many times I have said it here…on my other blog..on facebook… to people face to face; but I will, I MUST, say it again…THIS IS A LETTER FROM FATHER GOD…WRITTEN IN HIS HAND TO ME…TO YOU…HE LOVES US…HE LOVES US!!! 🙂

 A love letter with His promises; not the promises of a mere mortal man, NO!

The promises of Omniscient Father who never leaves or forsakes us. And  the last 3 verses…did I already say that they are an actual letter to each of us, individually, of God’s absolute, unwavering love for us!

David or Moses may have written this Psalm, from verses 1-13 by direction of the Father, however I know that the verses 14-16 is a personal letter from Father to us and signed by His Holy Spirit directly.

Because I have chosen Him as the LORD of my life…because I have chosen to love Him above all  people, places and things…

 Psalm 91: 14-16

14. Because you love me, I will rescue you.
I will protect you because you know my name.

15. When you call to me, I will answer you.
I will be with you when you are in trouble.
I will save you and honor you.

16. I will satisfy you with a long life.
I will show you how I will save you.

♥  ♥ ♥

   

I am feeling weary…weak.

Like you, I have a tremendous amount on my plate from day to day. Like you, this has a way of causing stress in our day to day and in our hearts.

Then I look at my life…I am truly blessed; and I begin to feel dishonest and convicted within myself.

I have been obedient in Christ and my relationship with the Father. I am resting in those rewards that are a result of that obedience. Daily life and it’s challenges does not negate that I am walking in the Promises of God in many areas of my life. Yet I am weary and weak.

With heart and health issues as my  main, personal focus,  stress is a NO NO! A big one! I cannot lose sight of the very vibrant fact that God saved me and gave me a “new” heart seven months ago on that gurney in the ER! So stress mustn’t have its way in my heart; figuratively and literally.

A transition and change of Pastor at our church is proving to be a strenuous faith walk. One where I often feel starved and thirsty in my spirit. It’s the “style” change…it’s the change in the style of Praise; ultimately it is my flesh screaming for the old, when the new is where God himself has placed me.

Talk about STRESS.  I find in life that there is no harder strain on a spirit as loosing people and accepting new; as if they could ever replace the love and family we had when our sisters and brothers lived at home!

I ask what is this? What am I to do? How will I live without them?…Sinful, selfishness loose and winding within me!

I step back, after talking to trusted friends in Christ who have dealt with this before; the hurt, the loss, the surprise when a sibling in Christ hurts and rejects who you know God has made you to be! Still the tears fall right here on the keyboard as I type.

What do I do?

Run to God!

RUN…………..of course this is after days and weeks of trying to figure it out on my own strength; weakening the very Spirit in me…sinful behavior…I forgot (?) to trust God in my sorrow! How incredibly human of me!

God’s Protection is the only way to Walk in Faith while we are weak in our spirits…RUN to GOD…RUN to that Umbrella of Protection promised in Psalm 91.

Blessings Loves, Many, MANY Blessings.


3 Comments

Happy New Year and 2011 MMM Challenge – UPDATED


 

Happy New Year Loves ♥

Here we are at the beginning of a New Year, a New Beginning.

Here at HOPEannFAITH we are working on Intentional Positive Thinking and Living. 

One of the things I have participated in here at WordPress.com are some of the Carnivals that my BlogFriends hold. These are positive and productive activities that build, encourage and strengthen a person, a writer and the blogging community.

And…they are fun for all!

My favorite Carnival is actually a challenge of sorts. Ann @AnnKroeker.com holds Mega Memory Month. This will be my third challenge and I did better the second time than the first, so I anticipate further improvement this time.

Last year God provided revelation and understanding of Psalm 91 during some very, very difficult times this year. Therefore I plan to not only memorize this Psalm, but delve deeper into it’s meaning and strength.

Psalm 91 (GOD’S WORD Translation)

1. Whoever lives under the shelter of the Most High
will remain in the shadow of the Almighty.

2. I will say to the Lord,
“You are my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”

3. He is the one who will rescue you from hunters’ traps
and from deadly plagues.

4. He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge.
His truth is your shield and armor.

5. You do not need to fear
terrors of the night,
arrows that fly during the day,

6. plagues that roam the dark,
epidemics that strike at noon.

7. They will not come near you,
even though a thousand may fall dead beside you
or ten thousand at your right side.

8. You only have to look with your eyes
to see the punishment of wicked people.

9. You, O Lord, are my refuge! You have made the Most High your home.

10. No harm will come to you.
No sickness will come near your house.

11. He will put his angels in charge of you
to protect you in all your ways.

12. They will carry you in their hands
so that you never hit your foot against a rock.

13. You will step on lions and cobras.
You will trample young lions and snakes.

 

14. Because you love me, I will rescue you.
I will protect you because you know my name.

15. When you call to me, I will answer you.
I will be with you when you are in trouble.
I will save you and honor you.

16. I will satisfy you with a long life.
I will show you how I will save you.

While doing this I hope to hone my memory while assisting others in understanding the incredible depth of love and protection that this very important Psalm holds for the children of God!

I am going to do my level best to share my results and the tool, that I found last year, through Ann’s postings,  for memorization and maybe…just maybe try a new tool this year!

I’m excited for this challenge for it’s proven effect of deepening my understanding of God’s Word, it’s affect when applied to my life and deepening my relationship with God. Very Excited! 🙂

I’d like to thank Ann for holding this Challenge for all of us, as well as the opportunity to use it to improve our minds, memories and spirits with it.

Join us, won’t you!

Just use Ann’s Coral Brain button above to pop over to Mega Memory Month Headquarters to check the How to Participate guidelines and join in the fun!

Blessings Loves.