I still could cry at any moment.
I still cry out to God for guidance. I hear His comforting voice say, “Feed yourself child, even a small child goes into the kitchen and finds a morsel when she is hungry; drinks from the tap when her throat is dry. Feed yourself.”
So I feed myself and still feel sad and heartsick and …Dry.
Since this is a first I am (was) completely lost as to what to do. So I do as the bible instructs and I press in and stand; I get in the Word and stand on what I know. Yet months I feel more deeply parched.
The dehydrating of my spirit is causing confusion in my thinking…and back to the Word I go.
I call our new Assistant Pastors…very, very close friends. Siblings in Christ, family and ask pointed questions. Why? Because this is very personal to the transition our church has had in the last several months. It feels like I am not being fed in church, like there is a drought of the Holy Spirit. Yet…I know this is me, not everyone. I know that to move forward in the ministries God has planned for me I must serve gladly and willingly, in obedience, to the man of God, the Shepherd I am placed under.
I know this is mourning. I felt this when my uncle passed away last March, but differently. It is the mourning of the move of my spiritual parents, mourning church as it was…
Dryness is uncomfortable, but I realize I am not being moved; therefore I am not to go to another church to find what I believe I am missing. I know that I am not to move…yet I crave the Fire of the Holy Spirit. I crave a spirited sermon. I find I am craving the past…and this is not good. It is not forward movement it’s stagnation.
So, I press in. I pray more, I praise more; I look to the Word more, I listen more closely and press in during the very, very good teachings of the Pastor, knowing that this dryness will be watered by these things. Soon, as I cry to the Lord, I will be answered, because He never leaves nor forsakes me.
I found this today. In my angst, this dryness, I didn’t get around to my devotions until later in the day. Although I did pray, I did spend time in Praise…but still I am dry.
This is how I feel, have been feeling…honestly. [the words in brackets are my insertion; how I read this Psalm…how I pray these scripture verses.]
6 I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
7 My back is filled with searing pain;
there is [seems to be] no health in my body.
8 I am [feeling] feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.
15 LORD, I wait for you;
you will answer, Lord my God.
21 LORD, [I know that You] do not forsake me;
do not be [are not] far from me, my God.
22 Come quickly to help me,
my Lord and my Savior.
Come quickly LORD…I desire to delight myself in You, LORD, not just simply exist in You. Come quickly.
Blessings Loves ♥
- How Much Do You Trust Jesus? (pastorpaulvbsblog.blogspot.com)
- God Doesn’t Need You to Set New Year’s Resolutions (chronicillnesspaindevotionals.wordpress.com)
- God Will Tell You Everything You Need to Know (pjsprayerline.blogspot.com)