Originally uploaded by The Casual Photographer
I’m having a slow, tired, rainy day. Most of us experience these. However, mine, in the gloom of an overcast, rainy Jersey day, becomes a thing of negativity. Having slept in due to fatigue, and this Wednesday being the first day in two weeks where I was not bound to an errand based schedule, I inadvertently slipped into a depressive state.
At noon I forced myself up and moving. I am always amazed at how quickly I slip right back into my old man.
I begin with I’ll take a twenty-minute rest and two hours later that rest has turned into a sleep that sets me off track.
Off track in body, mind and spirit.
Yes…that is all it takes for me.
Those who have suffered with depression, and I do not participate in depressive states of being any longer!, understand that sleep is an enemy. A symptom, not a remedy!
I grabbed my cold cup of coffee from earlier…I know, some don’t understand cold coffee 🙂 I was raised to nurse a cup of coffee all day! Got dressed, folded some laundry and headed to the office feeling fatigued.
An over-sleep induced fatigue, I was not feeling well…
I ditched a few of my e-mail devotionals as they were not speaking to me and then opened Kim Potter’s , A New Thing Ministries motivational for today, “Write it Down”. I also read part of Sarah Markley’s blog for this morning; “Sarah Who?”, but stopped because I felt it didn’t speak to me…that is until I coupled it with Kim Potter’s!
Depression makes me feel invisible, unnoticeable, unWorthy…all lies. I know these lies intimately and the masquerade as truths. Truth Imposters spoken by others….angry parents, the school yard bullies, the popular girl in class, the cute boy who laughed when you bought his attention for something it was not…LIES of invisibility and scorn.
As I lay there in my late waking, trying to motivate myself into being productive, I thought about all those productive things God has gifted me with.
ONE stands, mocking me…because I know it was a restored gift, and I cannot figure out by what (who) or how the brick wall of fear was erected!
Sarah in her post this morning, found that being one of a zillion Sarahs on the planet caused her to always lead with her last name to identify herself. She found it demeaning that people didn’t recognize her voice or know which Sarah she was.
I think I am in a different place. I find myself demeaning myself in regard to the gift I know I have been called to use.
I believe it is the title; WRITER… How pretensious of me to believe that I am a Writer…see I couldn’t even put it in bold.
…then I think, or the Holy Spirit rises and speaks…how sinful is it that I don’t believe what God has given me…
I love to write. I am good at writing.
I’m not exactly a Story Teller, I am a Life Teller.
I share from where I am, I write from my heart, perspective and life.
I have been given an assignment to write. To write a specific book. Yet I cannot put the pen to paper, or the words on the screen.
I sit, in sadness; depression and think “maybe tomorrow”!
I just feel less than. Not able, a nothing…a nobody. NOT WORTHY!
I am choosing this, I know…
In my morning (afternoon) devotions I was given another, more personal assignment, from God.
“Write the vision down and make it plain; that YOU, ANDREA may run when you read it.” Habakkuk 2:2, adaptation.
Kim’s motivational explains that when we write these things down they become registered in the Kingdom. While God instructed that things be written, engraved or inscribed on stone, wood or metal, today we have to our avail, as well, the permanency of the internet.
We all know that once something is in cyberspace it is there for all time!
In Habakkuk 2:2 the definitions of the key words are these:
Write: inscribe, engrave, describe or detail in words, register, record and decree
Vision: see, perceive, prophesy – BEHOLD
Read: call out, proclaim, summon, appoint
Oooo I forgot to add this quote from Kim Potter’s blog, very important:
“Just this morning I was reading something that confirmed this action; I want to share it with you ~ KP”
It is from Bill Burns, he said the Lord said; I would have My people to once again be a people of faith. My challenge to you now is to begin to walk in an absolute faith that refuses double-mindedness and negativity; a faith that refuses to allow the enemy to gain the victory over you. So rise up, you people of faith, for it is by faith that you overcome the world. It is by faith that you enter into a fullness of life in the kingdom of My Son, says the Most High. Come forth in faith and walk in the power of it. Demonstrate the kingdom and manifest the supernatural and the fullness of that which I am doing. Begin to decree and to declare and to write a thing, for as it is written it is released in to the heavenlies and it shall come forth as My word and My word does not return to Me void, says the Lord.
As it is written it is released in to the heavenlies and it shall come forth. I encourage you today to write your vision and make it plain – in doing so, you guarantee its release and it’s coming forth. Remember, His word does NOT return void.
Today I will engrave in words and on my heart that I am Andrea, Writer. I will see, I will behold the gift and assignment given me by God, done; completed. I will proclaim and thank my God for the gift that He has graced me with, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Thanks for reading Loves.