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OF BECOMING…a year of death and Psalm 91 in 365


2002, September 9th…I was water baptised.

Better than that so was my oldest son.

Even better, my husband, who had no intentions of being baptised that day, walked into the baptismal pool {a church family’s pool}; fully clothed, jeans and all, and put to death his flesh and rose again, cleansed by the baptismal waters, in Christ!

We, as a family, chose a life in Christ…

We were no-longer the walking dead, but were ALIVE again, in Christ! Our lives began to change that day…all three of us. Our hearts hoping that the 4th one of us would follow, soon (our youngest son); sadly we still wait for him…

2010-11 ….

A YEAR of DEATH…{well just about}

Since that chilly September afternoon in the pool small peelings away of the flesh have occurred in all of us,

It seems a lifetime…all in God‘s timing!

I read  Figuring Out the Cross-Centered Life, at a holy, and But Will He Conquer My “Death”?, at Proverbs 31 Ministries, this morning, and got these revelations…

“My identity is not about figuring out who I am – but ACCEPTING Whose I am…”

….there has been a multitude of death in this last year.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

I am a woman of firm faith, I claimand this body…this heart…is new and whole by faith!

“The Christian is the walking dead – ALIVE ONLY in Christ.”

….with each loss I have hidden and survived, only, in the shadow of the Almighty~Psalm 91. I would have perished in these deaths otherwise.

“…The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God,” Galatian 2:20b

Christianity is a lifetime of becoming who I really am.”

….a LONG year of transitions, losses, deaths, changes…OF BECOMING…

My sweet Uncle passed {my perfect father figure}…

My heart died {and God revived it, ME, on His terms}…

My church closed…My Pastors ~ Spiritual Parents moved away…Church family left, went as they were called, as the our church transitioned with a new pastor and a new name…

friendships changed…

family relationships changed…children matured…

children back stepped and regained momentum again…

Life did what life does; and all the while I died a little at a time, while new and sometimes uncomfortable growth began…BECOMING…

                                     …the peeling of the onion, the becoming of the Andrea God created.

“I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20c

This is how it is for me…I wake each day and read devotionals and God leads me to a revelation…an understanding of what is BECOMING of me.

How does one BECOME after a death of self…after the death of who one thought they were…after the loss of those loved and needed…after the death of the innocence of a child…their inner child~so long ago ~ and then watching that same loss in their own child?

What becomes of a soul after death?

…dirt and worms…devoured and recycled into new lifefeeding the Spring…




“Praise to God for a Living Hope

 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,” 1 Peter 1:3

It truly has been a year of death…and a year of growth. It will be a year in the beginning of June 2011.

I mark it such, because that is when I began to realize the physical part of this death of the old me. Somehow I was accepting and understood the mental and emotional death of Andrea; the rendering {to cause to be or become} God and I and JR worked diligently on that…still do. Yet it was the physical death that startled me.

It was not until after my taking Jesus as my LORD and SAVIOR, into my heart, into my life, that I lost two of the only three men I have EVER trusted. Two men I loved without reservation, without fear of harm…{yet these deaths happened many years after I walked to that altar}, their passing marks a revelation, that I could trust in God, only, Alone. Not that I could not trust these men…my grandfather, my uncle, but that they were not God the Father, just the human representation of a God who loved me…and in their human existence they were bound, by this life itself, to leave me.

It was not until now that God could take my hardened and broken heart and replace it with a heart after HIM ALONE…{Ezekiel 36:26}

Oh how stubborn we, I, can be…that it takes us so very long to understand what God has ALWAYS had for us…so hardened that He had to give up HIS only Son to reconcile this rebellious soul back to HIS LOVE…

I have been crucified WITH (?)  Christ and  I (?) no longer live…until now those question marks haunted my heart. I would wonder…how dare I believe I suffered like Jesus, not even able to fathom the truths of what was done for me on Calvary…not even close to truly believing that it really had an effect on my life. And the I no longer live…well, quite frankly, that caused an echo of un-belief in my soul…the reality that I was actually, really, moving on the path, finally, that God had mapped out for my life just was not a reality!


For the first time in this life I can see the changes in me. I can appreciate Whose I am…and Who I am, in Christ, even not yet knowing Who I will be tomorrow…

 In just a few days I will sit with my family, minus one {and I pray…there is time and he might sit with us, still…the missing him and the hope bring my heart to tears…}, and look to the Cross, celebrating Good Friday with loved ones. Then on the …

Third Day…

The LORD your God is with you,
   the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
   in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
   but will rejoice over you with singing.” …..He certainly does in this video {you should hear my son sing this! O’ my mother’s heart when he does…}

…we will celebrate His resurrection and the truth of the sacrifice that Jesus made so that I could spend this last year DYING… BECOMING His, all the more.

Blessings Loves ♥




Author: Hopeannfaith

Welcome, I'm Andrea ... HOPEannFAITH ... I write and take pictures as a way of expression. These are gifts given by a loving and indulgent Father, to a headstrong and stubborn daughter, with much to say. A semi-retired social worker/secretary, I now call myself a writer. I've published one internet article and written many blog posts. However, publishing does not make one a writer, anymore than taking a box camera to the park makes one a photographer. What makes one who and what they are? Well God for one ... formed me before the foundations of this world (Psalm 139); and many, many years after putting away my passion for wordsmithing and picture taking He gave it back ... in droves. I am a culmination of my choices and experiences. It is here that my experiences color the world in print and color. It is my goal to reach just one soul a day with love ... encouragement ... understanding or just letting that soul know that they are not alone where they are today. This is about creating ~ all of it. Creating a HOLY and SACRED place where the ugly truth can be healed and the beauty of a moment or a tear can brighten a day for the experience. Why HOPEannFAITH? Hopeannfaith is my inner child, and she is maturing, as she should have done all along. She is learning all about how Faith fulfills Hope. She is learning how to live. HOPEannFAITH ~ the wonder twins all wrapped up in one, me. These are my Journey Journals ~ written and visual. I welcome your company. I welcome your friendships. My Journey is in the light ~ although I have and will share the shadowy corners and the dark ~ so you know that you are never alone there. If we hold hands in the dark, and we walk, side by side, through the shadow, we will reach the Light together. In relationship with one another and with the Light. Blessings.

2 thoughts on “OF BECOMING…a year of death and Psalm 91 in 365

  1. Hello,

    I’d like to know exactly, what is “hopeannfaith”?

    Could you inform me?

    Kind regards,
    Rainer Braendlein

  2. An excellent purchase. This is a book of moving, heart deepening daily devotions. An excellent study in God’s Word on prayer with personal application.

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