One Page at a Time.

one page, one story, one life.


Leave a comment

Sadness or Regret? Sad Regret.


Tears

It began like any other day. Yesterday did…

I walked out to my car feeling anxious, I thought, about the many errands I had to complete, wanting nothing more than to stay isolated in my home. Knowing this was not a good thing I pressed into my day, with prayer and praise music singing in my head…

…this song…

…as I stepped down from my porch there was our Baby Cat…rolling in the grass and sun. Just a bit further was the bird she had just killed…was she celebrating? Ehhh! (serial killing cat!)

Death…

It has been a twisting in the back of my mind, often, lately…Life and Death…Death is apart of life…

…just lost one of the pups from my Honey’s litter of six. Sad, beyond what I had expected.

Holy, Holy…Lord God Almighty…I let sing in my mind, replacing the thought, as I was off to feed Dad’s kittys and water the lettuce on the porch. He’s away caring for his mother, my grandmother (don’t really know her or that side of my family, at all) who is in the hospital and not doing well, she’s in her late 80s.

I feel concerned and mildly sad for Dad, but that is all…(is there something wrong with me?)

Then there is my G’ma, whom I care for, when she needs. In her late 80s as well, she has slowed and begun to show her age, just this year… (this hurts and frightens me in a way that I find curious…must be something wrong in me.)

then…I got a text.

Lorraine passed away…a few hours ago.” May 31, 2011 has been marked by death.

No tears…just a far away-ness. A wondering, this was a shock. I had corresponded with her around Christmas time. Kitten (Lorraine) told me she had retired and was ill, now, from the damage that chemo had done some 10 years ago when she had ovarian cancer.

Lorraine was herself in that letter, never one for a phone…and she lived only a town over!

I recall thinking of her and “meaning” to go over, couldn’t call and announce my arrival as she had turned off all her phones and I didn’t think twice about it…this was Lorraine.

I didn’t get there…come to find she wasn’t home anyway, she had been in between the hospital and convalescent center since January. No one called, probably because she had plans for getting well and buying that bungelow on a beach in Florida…she’s planned this for a decade!

I didn’t get there…

So still no tears, just an overwhelming sense of floating, regret, and wonder…

Not hungry. Oddly amazed that sadness causes the appetites to flee.

I didn’t get there…No one will call me Poodle, ever again. Now that brought contraction to this heart and a sad tear.

The sorrow is simply a blink away, yet has not settled into this spirit yet…

This is my suggestion. It is of the UTMOST IMPORTANCE:

Tell them you love them! Life is too short and the unexpected happens each day. If you haven’t talked or agreed or seen them, tell them anyway, right now!

I LOVE YOU.

It’s simple, even when we are angry with them, we still love them! So tell them.

Life will do what life does, it will move forward no matter our circumstances. One day will lead to one hundred, and one hundred and one may be too late.

You see I didn’t get there…Life was the excuse, the reason, so simple yet so….complicated. Is it, or do we make it complicated, trading a distraction for a urging of the heart?

Tell them you love them, now, another moment will pass, painlessly…or that moment could stand still in regret.

Is your heart pulling at you for someone? That is the HOLY SPIRIT…answer that pull, do what is there in your heart…

…see, I didn’t get there.

I don’t have many regrets in this life…today I can feel one, very acutely…Sadly, FEEL this regret.

Oh heart, if one should say to you that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the seed remains.  ~Kahlil Gibran

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you…Matthew 5:4 and Isaian 51:3…

Blessings Loves   ♥