It’s raining today … the rain that the skies held heavy yesterday, threatening to open, did this morning. And the quiet blanketed our living room in grey and chill … unlike yesterday’s sun rays. I spent my morning in Proverbs and Ezekiel … and a virtual dark room, editing photos for a weekly photo prompt.
I read inspirational blog posts that made me want to imitate them; create something of my own out of someone else’s feelings, thoughts and experiences. This time I did not … I listened; I waited for something genuine. Yet still the words of these inspirations have mingled with my own thoughts on each [similar] posting.
Funny how He knits us together with hearts that have never met face to face.
Reading about thankfulness … gratitude in good times and bad. Absorbing the stories of the heart shared with the young in love and learning … children learning from adults … grownups from littles and the clock hands whirl with maddening speed through the hours of the day!
I settled into my favorite reading place; amongst pillows and comforters of cloth and fur and wet noses and began reading books of the bible … and I began a walk through God’s heart and lessons.
Israel is a rebellious house! A rebellious nation! A rebellious child!
Aren’t we all … can these stories be, that God tells us each day as we walk with Him … [aren’t they] about me [us].
I put my head back as my eyes begin to blur … sleep comes quickly when I read these days. Sometimes I feel it may be the enemy keeping me from God’s plan; but I perceiver and ask Him for stamina, energy, wide-eyed attention to His words.
He is faithful … always; I am grateful … always.
And the silence takes me … or the fatigue from my morning’s chores and I hear “rest when you are tired” in the doctor’s voice.
I close my eyes and ask for a closer walk … I ask for my stamina and metabolism to be boosted by His presence; that I might succeed in His plan … that I might reach those goals I’ve set [hoping they are within His will; willing to make necessary alterations if not] to be useful in His kingdom …
I ask finally for just His presence. I am a dense girl sometimes and forget that all these things come within His presence. I realize with joy that I’m singing the Worship I had playing in the background during my work …
I’m blessed with the gift of going to sleep praying and waking in prayer; falling into His arms of safety, singing His praises, to sleep, and waking to songs of worship sung from my groggy lips.
This is my closer walk.
I love that He shows up when I call … when I cry out … when the silence falls. His reassurances enveloping a heart that asks why; still knowing this breaks His heart.
Why not trust the rain girl? Why do you fear the rain child? [there is an inner fear of rain within me].
I have a plan … you know I do; walk with me daughter; walk closer … and I wonder …
Have I asked for the closer walk or am I responding to His desire for me to come closer to Him … and then I ponder does it matter?
As I thank Him for His presence … that He comes even when I am in doubt and wonder at His sovereignty in my life. Not that He isn’t sovereign in my life, but that the circumstances don’t feel as if they are for my best.
Thanking Him for the good and the bad alike … even feeling that this is backward.
As the discouragement of current events affect loved ones; floating into our home, my better half battling the same questions in his deep, pensive silence … a silence different from mine, I think.
A closer walk with thee, LORD … I must press in so as to avoid my love’s different silence; even as I ask him to press in and not pull away. Reminding him of the delays this causes.
We walk out our own salvation; I know that God has this man gently in His grip and this different silence will be temporary, as He and God work out his questions … amazingly, simultaneously, while dealing with my doubt.
I believe you, God … help me with this doubt. Help me with the infiltration of the world and what they say is right. The schemes we conjure for answers that are so obviously not your will. Help us with the battle that maybe these are the answers and we can repent later. Calm us as we refuse to take the fool’s out and wait on you; as we battle making decisions and plans without consulting YOU … rushing ahead, delaying the process of the blessings that are there for the taking.
A closer walk … and I hear the lyrics of that song on my mother’s Loretta Lynn album from so many years ago!
JUST A CLOSER WALK WITH THEE
Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
I am weak, but Thou art strong;
Jesus, keep me from all wrong;
I’ll be satisfied as long As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.
Through this world of toil and snares,
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.
When my feeble life is o’er,
Time for me will be no more;
Guide me gently, safely o’er To Thy kingdom shore,
to Thy shore.
Remembering Mom singing this with such passion … sadly, knowing now, the doubt in these sweet, familiar lyrics.
Amazed at how much He has revealed to His children; things not evident in the ’70s … when this tune was Mom’s hummings.
Knowing, now that He call us to walk closer … knowing that other’s do suffer our same burdens while we wallow in self-pity; blind to our ministries; even now, knowing the truth that we need not plead for Him to walk with us … the closer walk was granted from a tree at Golgotha.
This quest has been amazing and yet I am just halfway to my goal. I find I am a woman of Faith … my faith – NO! His gift of His faith, is strong in me … a whole jar of mustard seed … a vessel with homemade mends allowing the me to fall away as He enters in all His glory …
To walk with me. 🙂
Do you desire a closer walk with God? Are there things in your life that you think keep you from walking with Him. Our my friends, He desires to walk with you in your current condition! His desire is to repair those things that cause you doubt or shame or whatever it is hindering your relationship with Him. I promise, I can do that because I know from whence I came … and you cannot have done worse, or doubted more. Our burdens are similar … trust me.
Walk with us today. Share with us your heart concerns right here. I want to listen to your heart so that it may be knit closer to mine and to His …