HOPE*ann*FAITH

Living and Writing on Purpose: God * Life * Love * Realtionships * The Important Things.

Unless the LORD … my so-called life.

2 Comments


Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. – Psalm 127:1 

It has so been over a month since I have posted. I’ve been very busy and very stressed. Caring for my grandma, again, and the stress and the chaos resulting from unstable and uncaring family members caught up with me.

Flowers seem intended for the solace of ordinary humanity. ~John Ruskin

I’ve felt, selfishly, alone in all of this. I prayed, I cried (out) and God answered, and I am so grateful. Yet in all of that faith I lost sight of Christ in me.

Psalm 127

A song of ascents. Of Solomon.

1 Unless the LORD builds the house,    the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city,    the guards stand watch in vain. 2 In vain you rise early    and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—    for he grants sleep to[a]those he loves.

3 Children are a heritage from the LORD,    offspring a reward from him. 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior    are children born in one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man    whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame    when they contend with their opponents in court.

I have become depressed and insomnia has set in. I’ve opened a door, what a sin, and yet … I rise up in anger that this might be true, that I might have sinned in my fatigue and fear and anger that all these things are happening.

Once again I have entered into the I will handle this of controlling Andrea, and like the psalm says … Unless the LORD …

I have fought to figure out the conundrum of the malfunction in my family; yet know that explaining away profound mental illness is futile. I have demanded in my heart that they rise up and do the right thing; knowing that they cannot, will not (I feel part of it is willful on their part). I struggle with the fact that I have to step back so that the right people make whatever decisions they make so that my grandma is cared for … that if I continue to “rise early and stay up late … toiling …” that those responsible will sit back and enjoy their lives while I continue.

And I struggle that this is a sin on my part … this standing back … this saying no … this refusal to take the literal abuse from certain family members … because to continue in this fashion will be my own will. I must know that God has these things in order.

I am the heritage … the arrow in the quiver and I have not been put to shame; but neither, have I been loved as a reward from God … and there I go again, feeling sorry for me …

Unless the LORD … this song of Solomon sings in my head.

UNLESS THE LORD …

I do nothing without the LORD. This is not to say that I am not doing something when I am in my own power, it just means I come out to the light exhausted and soul weary. I spin my wheels and try … yet in all the doing I accomplish nothing of God, I accomplish anxiety and fear and throw open the door for the tempting of the one who would have me believe that I can accomplish anything without HIM!

Unless the LORD … I walk in the pride that I can control … I walk in the delusion that I am entitled to the love and care that I so long from my family. I walk in obscure futility until I come to this point, where I am right now, that I know even as I ache and tear up because ….

Unless the LORD … I do not have the love of maternal or paternal family. Unless I accept that He is enough, that His Love , He is Love, is all the love I will ever need … Unless I allow His love to cover the sin of a family of chaos and self-love

Unless the LORD … I cannot overcome this DNA of self-love.

All I ask is MORE OF YOU GOD … less of me … and Unless the LORD … this cannot be.

Blessings Loves.

Author: Hopeannfaith

Welcome, I'm Andrea ... HOPEannFAITH ... I write and take pictures as a way of expression. These are gifts given by a loving and indulgent Father, to a headstrong and stubborn daughter, with much to say. A semi-retired social worker/secretary, I now call myself a writer. I've published one internet article and written many blog posts. However, publishing does not make one a writer, anymore than taking a box camera to the park makes one a photographer. What makes one who and what they are? Well God for one ... formed me before the foundations of this world (Psalm 139); and many, many years after putting away my passion for wordsmithing and picture taking He gave it back ... in droves. I am a culmination of my choices and experiences. It is here that my experiences color the world in print and color. It is my goal to reach just one soul a day with love ... encouragement ... understanding or just letting that soul know that they are not alone where they are today. This is about creating ~ all of it. Creating a HOLY and SACRED place where the ugly truth can be healed and the beauty of a moment or a tear can brighten a day for the experience. Why HOPEannFAITH? Hopeannfaith is my inner child, and she is maturing, as she should have done all along. She is learning all about how Faith fulfills Hope. She is learning how to live. HOPEannFAITH ~ the wonder twins all wrapped up in one, me. These are my Journey Journals ~ written and visual. I welcome your company. I welcome your friendships. My Journey is in the light ~ although I have and will share the shadowy corners and the dark ~ so you know that you are never alone there. If we hold hands in the dark, and we walk, side by side, through the shadow, we will reach the Light together. In relationship with one another and with the Light. Blessings.

2 thoughts on “Unless the LORD … my so-called life.

  1. Andrea, wow, what a powerful post! I know exactly what you are talking about, as far as selfish family members, who won’t stand up and do their responsibility. This, in turn makes you work harder. I know we’ve talked about this before. Just remember you’re not alone.
    I haven’t read your post until now because I have been down, with Steph going back to college. I did the same thing you did. It’s easy to do when things are hard but “if God is for us, who can be against us?”. Paul said. Also, read Romans 7:14 to the end of the chapter and tell me if it helps.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s