Women are sentimental creatures, if not romantic. Though I am the furthest thing from a romantic lady, I have no concept of romance, luckily for my husband. 🙂 I do have moments of memory. Comfortably happy memories, that most of us have, though some may call them romantic, I find them to be life altering.
In social media land there are trends and one of the most recent ones are quotes or status’ that begin with ” … that moment when …”. That’s how these moments are for me, the revelation of something profound, if only to me, that changes me from the inside.
The moment when my new borns were placed in my arms. I remember not knowing how the last few moments of my life were lived without the little one. My children erased so many alone memories that faded into the joy of love, unconditional.
The moment when I said I do to my first husband and knowing in that moment I had made a mistake … sad, but determined to make it work. Sadly it failed, though I do have those children proving good always comes out of the experiences of life.
That momentous moment when I said I do to the one man God chose for me! The joy, the feeling of eternity, that certainty that you’ve somehow pleased God and moved closer to him. Yes, it was that amazing! 🙂
And it’s been amazing the entire time.
That time when we lay in lumpy pull out couch mattress, in our brand new home, for the first time; not being able to sleep because it was too quiet in the new neighborhood.
That first summer when the bumble bees stole the lawn mower (for the whole summer) because the Hubs mowed over their hive! 🙂
And later that June, the Hubs coming to get me to sit on the incline beside the barn watching the fireflies give the first of many light shows in the amphitheater that is behind our barn. (this I knew to be romantic)
The moment I realized I had 2 beautiful humming birds that loved my trumpeter flowers.
Our life is beautiful, really it is. I stand amazed and thankful for all the happy God has blessed us with, though that is not to say there hasn’t be trials, obviously.
There have been tragic moments. Those moments that test a person, a marriage, a life … we’ve had them and persevered. Marriage, relationship, life; these are work, everyday, work with one purpose … to adjust, flex, forgive, forge, listen, hurt, understand … you can add more, there is so much more.
The worst moments …
When I realized my sweet young son was an addict.
When I realized I had abused my body enough to cause a life threatening situation.
When I realized that my relationship with my mother required boundaries so that I could love her.
When the doctors said the “C” word and my world stopped …
All of these moments, good and bad, changed who I am, irrevocably.
Yet that last one still has me reeling. I don’t know how I’m going to feel one moment to the next, but I have to imagine this is normal. Oh how it has changed things.
My oldest stays away as much as possible, and oddly the youngest (now well and sober for over 6 months) stays closer.
The Hubs is getting more tired these days, seems his energy is low, but he is doing well. I sit, like now, as he sleeps, alone and wondering and missing the time not so long ago when he was still up watching a movie or going through his baseball cards for e-bay. Wondering … just wondering.
You see it is these moments alone when I realized that all those moments that changed me, changed me to be able to endure this moment in time. You see God prepared me … my life has never been an easy one, though these last 25 have been fantastic, easy wasn’t really apart of it. I was built to endure, but sometimes I get tired. And it is these alone times that the fatigue just rushes in and causes emotional upheaval, as I watch the Hubs toss and turn, uncomfortable. Emotions because I’m alone, because he’s uncomfortable, because there’s nothing I can do to make him more comfortable … Emotions that border on fear, as I try with all my mind and spirit NOT to think about the other possibility.
Life is but a collection of moments that change a being; causing them to be prepared for the next moment. That moment when ….
What are your changing moments? How have they changed you?
Please share yours, you’re not alone, I’m right here being changed moment to moment with you.