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Feeling Shattered & Scattered Today … But, I Will Not Faint


just me ...

just me …

I will not faint …

I think we, The Hubs and I, thought this wait for an answer might start a path to our normal, even if it was our “new” normal, but it hasn’t. Since the chemoradiation therapy ended he hasn’t felt “good”. He has a lack of energy, a lack of appetite and almost no tolerance for anything! It’s kind of rough.

There is a list of things going on for the check-up on Tuesday. And I worry. And I get fed up with the negativity and all the alone time. And I want to cry, often.

There’s a new song we hear regularly on the radio back and forth to appointments and trips to check The Hubs brother’s house as we wait for the sale.

It describes how I feel, often. I was lost until I was finally found in Christ … this is true of all of us, at one time or another. And I cry out in this trial of a life we are living right now, here in Hutchland. When I feel lost, again, I cry out and thank Him for being my God, knowing that if He was not here I would have shriveled and died or exploded or something messy like that.

Sometimes my very selfish flesh just wants my old life back … then it seems to occur to me organically, and it’s not, it’s Holy Spirit reminding me that I really don’t want my egypt back at all.

I do know that I want our US … the new US is fine, I’d like to cuddle into that, instead of wishing that if I sat by The Hubs, while he rested, it wouldn’t make him feel as if he needed to care for me; even though I so need that care.

I guess I’m just tired and lonely a lot. I want to not react when he’s irritable, rather I want to have it in me to comfort him when his nerves are raw.

So today I am relying on sharing and I’m praying these scriptures:

Isaiah 40:3

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

I got the 1 Corinthians reminder from a Favorite Blogger, check her out, she’s funny and hip and sensitive and wise beyond her years!

The Audacity of Trust