HOPE*ann*FAITH

Learning to Live , Again, On Purpose.


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God’s Faithful and Infinite …. Reach| A FMF Post


Time for Five Minute Friday, the unedited flash mob free write!

No edits, no corrections. Just five minutes of writing from your heart to share.

If you’re not sure how Five Minute Friday works, all the details are right over here.

 

Today’s Prompt|REACH … Go!

 

Reaching Out

Reaching Out

OH, How far is His reach? How far away can one get before He reaches out and retrieves them?

“He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.” – Psalm 18:16, NLT 

I’ve been in a far away place since Tuesday. I’ve been accused, or should I kindly say that I’ve been counseled, that I am weak of faith, or out of faith or in a crisis of faith in regards to the report we got from the doctor that day.

I have been battling those things that weaken one’s faith. With prayer, scriptures and with considering those accusation and counsel, and I must add ALL of the encouragement; there was much more encouragement than criticism. But …. the days were hard, not only with the Doc’s words, but with the anger and discouragement they brought for both me and so much more for The Hubs. Considering what was spoken and what I already knew would be The Hubs’ response there was a lot in my head, and it wasn’t good.

I had gotten far away from what I knew to be truth. Even though I spoke that truth and rebuked the lies, I got lost in my own human-ness and fear and anger began to mix itself into that depression batter that we sometimes find ourselves in.

And then … last night, to make an already hard day bad, someone posted something so … I cannot even say it out loud let alone type it here, and I was crushed and really began to fight back. It took the post, both private and public (here) to make me stand up and really fight it.

It’s been a long day today, fighting what hurt and frightened me deeply, but I am here reaching for that peace beyond my understanding.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4


We must seek, and I forgot to seek, first the Kingdom of God … that is when we can ask whatever from Father and He will reach down from heaven and rescue us and give us not only what we need, but more, what our hearts desire! Matthew 6:33

You see … The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;” Psalm 138:8

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Psalm 36:5

Stop!

Indulge me if you would. My 5 minutes are up, I just wanted to apologize if this post is scattered. But that’s what FMF is about, after all. I’d like to say that I am finally better tonight, I think I’m over the hump of this thing and finding my way back to me after many days of being “ME-BC”. Thanks for reading and always remember … God loves us, expects us to be human and expects us to reach out to Him when we are in need. So if you are in need, if you are frightened or hurt or angry reach out to God … Press into God and He will press into YOU!

Oh, that we might know the Lord!
    Let us press on to know him.
He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn
    or the coming of rains in early spring.” Hosea 6:3

Andrea

Andrea

 


12 Comments

O’ Lord this man of mine


Good morning, at least I pray yours is. =)

Me, HopeAnnFaith, mine is not going so well. I still have my hope and my faith; but I am battling a report from yesterday.

Today I find myself angry.
The Hubs is fine. Doing quite well in fact, and he’s made whatever decisions he made about the report yesterday, though I don’t know what exactly that is, yet; I do know we are proceeding with the next two rounds.

Copyright © AHutchinsonPhotography™ 2007 - 2014- All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and/or photographs without express and written permission from the writer/photographer is strictly prohibited.

O’ Lord this man

O’ Lord, this man of mine! What will I do ….. !?!

As for me, I am having issues with what the Doctor said. Essentially he said that the chemo would not end, until it doesn’t work anymore, and then we would move on to something else or we would stop, should The Hubs choose to stop treatments, whichever comes first.

Which means, in the medical translation, that this illness will take over at some point.

I know that this is completely UNACCEPTABLE in God’s plan. This does not fit into God’s Word so it is NOT truth.


Like I said, The Hubs is doing well, so the whole of the report was not bad. The Doc did say (about that “new” enlarged lymph node) that it makes no sense that a therapy that is working in the lungs and the liver is not working in other areas; being that the treatment is carried through the bodies system by the blood, which travels every area of the body. (I was happy with his optimism in this respect). The Doc is optimistic, obviously, that The Hubs is healthy enough to continue treatments.

That said, we both noticed that The Doc seemed down the whole time. Not quite as “happy” as usual. Now that could mean he was just having a not good day, or he was tired, or overwhelmed getting back into the flow after a wonderful vacation. The Docs “mood” let’s say could have nothing to do will the CAT scan reports or the techs insistence that the lymph node is newly enlarged. His demeanor could just be a personal thing, but we were deeply aware that he seemed “not himself”.

Back to the subject: I have to hang onto the phrase “I cannot” tell you it’s gone because it has moved. He cannot? Why? Maybe because of protocol or the legalities of malpractice.
A year ago, when this all began, we purposely asked him not to tell us the stage so that it was not put in our heads and more so, on my part, because we believe in the creative authority of our spoken words. He respected that … yet somehow we got here, with the words from yesterday. I need them to be rebuked, because they cannot be unsaid.
I have to meditate on the concept that God’s Word says this is not acceptable or I’m going to shut down.

I have to believe God at His Word.

There is no alternative.

I am angry and fighting fear. I am fighting trying to plan for the whatifs. I am fighting envisioning life alone.

I am fighting for what I know to be true, without being able to see it in the natural.
Lord, please, I believe, I do. Please help me with my unbelief!

I saw a inspirational quote on Facebook this morning, so I decided to be creative with it.

Copyright © AHutchinsonPhotography™ 2007 - 2014- All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and/or photographs without express and written permission from the writer/photographer is strictly prohibited.

Strong Enough – A Reminder

Well, thanks for reading. I hope my trials somehow help someone to know they are not alone in these things that make up our lives.

Always remember, God’s got it all in hand; and when you’re ready you can hand Him your trial too; He’ll handle it for you. That is Grace. Because, Father Loves us unconditionally … think of how you love your children or your pet or whom ever it is you love … then think, How much more does God love me? I tell you true, His love for YOU is infinite! Eternal! Forever and ever and ever … infinity!

Copyright © AHutchinsonPhotography™ 2007 - 2014- All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and/or photographs without express and written permission from the writer/photographer is strictly prohibited.

O’ This Man

Andrea

Andrea

 


6 Comments

Be Careful What You Listen To! | A Tuesday @ Ten Post


Tuesday @ Ten

Tuesday @ Ten

Good evening my friends and Welcome to the second Tuesday at Ten!

I am joining Karen over on her blog, Finding the Grace Within, for her new Tuesday night blog link up where you have all day {10am – midnight} to use the prompt word to your liking! It’s not about writing perfectly, or even writing … it’s about connecting with one another creatively!

Whether it be just writing a story behind the prompt word, or being as creative as you wish using photos, poems, art, or graphics – whichever creative way you choose.

So go and write and link up your blog at the bottom her page {the link is above} so that others can link up with you. Be sure to visit your “link up” neighbor and spread the joy of connection!

Karen will choose writers and their writings to be posted on the blog and the Tuesday at Ten Facebook page each week, so join us in this gathering and give us your best take on …

 

Listen … Go!

Today was a bit rough, and this post will probably be short … a little like FMF posts. =)

24 Years

Then while we live, in love let’s so persever

The Hubs had his check up appointment with the oncologist today. Things are good … the lungs are great, far from where we are a year ago when diagnosed! And the spot(s) that moved to the liver are diminishing in size; all the glory and honor to God! These are fabulous reports.

The CAT scan from last week showed what the techs felt was a “new” lymph node (meaning they felt it had enlarged) that they felt was of concern. The doc did not feel that its was “new” nor that it was of concern.

All that said he is scheduled for two more rounds of chemo – that’s 6 weeks time spent on chemo and not feeling great and waiting.

So I asked, is this going to help the spot(s) on the liver be gone. And as I listened to the answer I was not happy with what I heard, but I listened. Apparently because the cancer cells traveled to the liver [though it’s still lung cancer, go figure.] , they can NEVER tell us that the cancer is gone!

WHAT! REALLY! Am I really hearing the word never???

I cannot express what listening to that word did to me at that moment.

But God …

His word says we’re healed. That we were healed by Jesus’ stripes 2000 + years ago. And I HAVE to listen to the word and not what I hear from the world!

Proverbs 30:5-6

5“Every word of God is flawless;
    he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
Do not add to his words,
    or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar.

God’s Word says we are healed … that no illness can take hold of us! Any other report is unacceptable! Never say never, because God is in control! His Word is flawless and our shield.

I must admit that as I write this … and it’s turning out not to be so short! =) I am once again numb of body and mind. The Hubs has said from day one … just short of a year ago … that he is not living this way for the rest of his life, and today I didn’t fight him when he repeated what was in his heart. I was silent and numb. I cannot beg him to keep going on being poisoned and ill and irritable … I cannot demand that he continue to live what the doctors feel is a quality life while he feels that his life is being governed by an illness that we refuse to give in to every day. And I cannot think about the alternative …

I must listen to what Father God says.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 – 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.

God has spent the last year showing His glory through my husband and this trial we are in. His left lung, completely closed a year ago is open and functioning normally. He does not get nauseous and ill between therapies. He lives his life as best he can with very little side effects! And the docs react to his life with surprise and a touch of awe. OH how I wish they knew our God … if they did they would never say the word never in relation to healing!

So to wrap this up I remain ambivalent tonight. It’s been a long day, a long year actually! But I have to remember this … The Hubs was, I thought, talking to himself all the way home, while I prayed quietly and thankfully for God’s Word. When we got home I asked what he was talking to himself about, hoping he was praying too. And to my surprise he said he was singing =) … I asked him what he was singing and he told me “Time is on my side.”  Isnt’ that great!

I think singing is a form of prayer, most times, and I know this was and I know God listened and heard both of us! He is always faithful to keep His promises and His Word!

Psalm 18:6 – In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.

Andrea

Andrea

Now it’s your turn … We’re all ready to listen to you!


6 Comments

To Accept the things … Change | A Five Minute Friday Post


Here we are again. Friday. Five minutes of free, from the heart, honest and unchecked writing. FMF has a new home and everyone is welcome.  Come join us and connect with 200+ writers as we bear our hearts with one another, abandoning the restraints of rules and proof reads. Just our hearts and our words writing on the same prompt. The only rule is to write for 5 minutes only with no editing. Just throw caution to the wind and let the cursor follow your heart on to this virtual blank page.

We do ask that you read and leave some love for the writer who hooked up before you.

That’s the heart and fun of this really … reading what another heart feels about the prompt and encouraging them in this journey of writing that we are all on.

 

This weeks prompt is, drum roll please …. CHANGE. Go!

To accept the things I cannot change.

To accept the things I cannot change.

Change and serenity! Really? The thing I could not accept for the longest time was that I could have a sense of serenity when things were about to/in the middle of/or had already changed!

The two seem to be the antitheses of one another, wouldn’t you agree? Most would. You hear them all the time … I think at one time or another each and every human being has made the statements, “I hate change!” or “I just want things to go back to the way they were!”

But do we really? In our natural selves we like our nice comfortable little now. Even if that now is not the height of joy or passion or even just happy and content. We are comfortable with our now and don’t want to look forward to who we will be in the next moment.

And that is the point … Change dictates that I am not the same person I was when I began this post. This post, this prompt, has ignited creativity in my being and at that moment I changed.

Nothing earth shattering just a little shift in my outlook on life or my attitude … a change.

We change from moment to moment. And the bible has a wonderful scripture that, now, makes the changes in my life more acceptable:

2 Corinthians 3:18

As all of us reflect the Lord’s glory with faces that are not covered with veils, we are being changed into his image from glory to glory. This comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

I’m still working on the acceptance of those things I cannot change; but eventually I hand them to God to handle. I’m getting better about that. And then there’s the courage to change the things I can … now that’s a BIG one … but that’s for another post!

Stop!

Your turn now … click the FMF logo up top and join us!

Andrea

Andrea

All my photos fall under this:

Copyright © AHutchinsonPhotography™ 2007 – 2014- All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and/or photographs without express and written permission from the writer/photographer is strictly prohibited.


12 Comments

Gather … ing … T@T


Good evening my friends and Welcome to Tuesday at Ten! I am joining Karen over on her blog, Finding the Grace Within, for her new Tuesday night blog Link up where you have 24 hours to use the prompt word to your liking! It’s not about writing perfectly, or even writing … it’s about connecting with one another creatively!

Whether it be just writing a story behind the prompt word, or being as creative as you wish using photos, poems, art, or graphics – whichever creative way you choose.

You have 24 hours to write and link up your blog at the bottom her page {the link is above} so that others can link up with you. Be sure to visit your “link up” neighbor and spread the joy of connection! Karen will choose writers and their writings to be posted on the blog and the Tuesday at Ten Facebook page each week, so join us in this gathering and give us your best take on …

Gather – go!

Gathering

Gathering

When I ponder the word Gather these days it’s about gathering things to me … not necessarily people, they’re aren’t many around in my current isolated circumstance.  In fact, as lonely as I get sometimes with what’s going on I find myself digressing to my old self and hoping people won’t be around. It’s really a vicious circle for me; the old behavior, I mean. This allows me to indulge in my self-protecting isolation. I hurt so much sometimes, lately, that I don’t want people around, I don’t want to know that they don’t call because they don’t know what to say so it’s easier for them to stay away and while that thought hurts me, I don’t initially do anything about it.

For me it’s gathering those spiritual things that help us to push through the tough times. I have to gather the courage to get through some days; many days lately. The courage to face the facts of The Hubs’ illness. The courage to not break down in tears because the illness is making him tired and absent a lot of the time.

I have to gather the faith to pray. Frankly I have to gather the random access memory in my brain to remember to pray, sometimes.

So how do I handle the isolation and the constant urge not to gather … not to connect?

Quite simply I do the next right thing, even if I don’t want to.

I find things like today’s link up and I gather in with all of you wonderfully talented and spiritually connected writers and I write. Sometimes my writing surprises me with it’s eloquent message and sometimes it’s simply words gathered on a page expressing my feelings or describing my day … not necessarily fit for others to read but necessary for me to continue on this journey of mine.

When I sit with my sponsor and we work through whatever we are working through she always reminds me that the sharing of my thoughts or feelings or just my day cuts the hurt and the pain in half, each time. And for someone who naturally prefers to isolate that is vitally important; as is the gathering with others.

The Word says …. “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20. For the most part I believe I gather here, at these link ups, where we all meet, with other godly women, in pursuit of connecting our faith, in one place, in His name, to make this world a better place. Or at least to make the day better for each other. Helping each other on this journey called life. =)

Gathered

Gathered

I know for me it makes my world a better place. Thank you.

Andrea

Andrea


5 Comments

Days like today …


Hi!
I’m just writing because all day I’ve only heard my own voice. And it’s days like today that my tears seem to stream down my face without my knowledge. I just kind of passively realize I’m crying.

It’s days like today that I am stuck and lonely and just alone.

It’s been a long and negative two weeks.

It all started when The Hubs went from mild back pain, consistently, to severe, cannot move back pain. Add that to the fatigue and numbness in his feet and fingers that come with the chemo and you have one VERY unhappy and periodically unfriendly camper.

I know he’s not feeling well. I know, and I am useless to relieve any of his discomfort. And he delays taking the meds that would help, or go to the doctor who could give him something and refer him somewhere to help, all because he can tough it out.

He’s not going to live his life like that, he says! Well I ask … isn’t he though? I mean he’d choose pain and discomfort over relief and rest. Why yes, why wouldn’t he?

Ehhhh! Men!

Now add in the frustration of family, the frustration of his illness and the car breaks down. Not once, no that would be livable, right? But twice … Let me tell you how fun that was!

But the worst for me … how selfish am I, right? … is the total silence between the rage and frustration, and ALL the alone time!

I tell you I’m numb and in pain all at the same time! NO ONE to talk to … NO ONE who quite understands what I am going through. Today I called the social worker at the Cancer Institute  to see if there’s a support group in the area … and I so don’t want to go to one, but I don’t know what to do.

He sleeps all the time, when he isn’t running around overdoing things and when he’s awake he sits with his head in his hands. I ask if there’s anything I can do or get for him the answer is always no. When he finally takes his meds he’s out like a light again.

Days like today just suck, quite frankly.

I think my friends don’t call because they don’t know what to say or do for me. And on days like today that is almost ok, because I don’t want to push them away by being so needy. And I’m so very negative anyway. I mean who wants to hear that, right!

On days like today I have to be careful not to cry too much so I don’t short out the lap top.
I have to gather myself by 5 pm so no one knows I’ve been a hot mess all day.
On days like today I just wish, for one second, I wasn’t alone all the time.

On days like today I have to remember to pray. And remember that how I feel is probably normal and alright under the circumstances.

On days like today I have to not punish myself for being human, and wait for the social worker to call with that referral.

On days like today I hope no one reads this post.

🙂


6 Comments

Fill … FMF


Here we are again. Friday. Five minutes of free, from the heart, honest and unchecked writing. FMF has a new home and everyone is welcome. Follow this:

and hook up with the 200+ writers as we bear our hearts with one another, abandoning the restraints of rules and proof reads. Just our hearts and our words writing on the same prompt. JOIN US! We only ask that you read and leave some love for the writer who hooked up before you. That’s the heart and fun of this really … reading what another heart feels about the prompt and encouraging them in this journey of writing that we are all on.

The Prompt today: Fill … Go!

I strive today to fill my heart with the word of God; while life is attempting to fill it with fear!

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

I continue to fill my heart and mind and spirit with this scripture today … You see The Hubs ran a fever again Wednesday night and Thursday; with this new chemo regime it seems that 2 weeks after the treatment he runs a fever for  a day or two. But with this one his back hurts a LOT; worse than ever, he says. So I start praying; keeping the fear at bay, because we know he is healed! The lung is open and working, for the most part everything is good.

So because one of the poisons they use to kill this cancer requires us to call if he has back pain I called. The “on call” doctor asked the most frightening question since this all started almost a year ago … “Has the cancer moved to his bones?” My body went numb from the infill of fear and my mind screamed as I, somehow calmly, said no, there’s been no indication that anything like that has happened. And she went on to offer a strong narcotic for the pain, which The Hubs refused, because it couldn’t be called in … we’ll get it Monday, he said, when we’re there for chemo, if I still need it.

Oh, Lord I believe, help me overcome my unbelief! Mark 9:24. I like the NIV … it reminds me that when I fill myself with the Word of God I overcome!

So today I fill myself with affirmations … I went to my meeting with my ladies where we are doing a bible study on the Grace of God – one of Joyce Meyers books.

I un-filled my anger and fear by sharing it with the girls and we discussed it and the teaching helped immensely.

You see, it’s all about what we fill ourselves with and it’s a choice with each circumstance.

Am I going to fill my heart, mind and spirit with what the world says or am I going to be diligent and obedient and fill myself to overflowing with what God says?

I look at it this way … the Lord dwells within me and the world cannot fit in there with Him … So I say Lord fill me today with your Spirit and allow that YOUR Spirit to overfill me to overflowing so that others who might be experiencing what I am experiencing will know they are not alone today and that there is rescue and rest in You, Father.

STOP!

So I ask you today … what are you filling yourself with? I encourage you to comment here and let me know, maybe we can help one another stay filled with the Light of His Word.

My Heart

My Heart