Good morning, at least I pray yours is. =)
Me, HopeAnnFaith, mine is not going so well. I still have my hope and my faith; but I am battling a report from yesterday.
Today I find myself angry.
The Hubs is fine. Doing quite well in fact, and he’s made whatever decisions he made about the report yesterday, though I don’t know what exactly that is, yet; I do know we are proceeding with the next two rounds.
O’ Lord, this man of mine! What will I do ….. !?!
As for me, I am having issues with what the Doctor said. Essentially he said that the chemo would not end, until it doesn’t work anymore, and then we would move on to something else or we would stop, should The Hubs choose to stop treatments, whichever comes first.
Which means, in the medical translation, that this illness will take over at some point.
I know that this is completely UNACCEPTABLE in God’s plan. This does not fit into God’s Word so it is NOT truth.
Like I said, The Hubs is doing well, so the whole of the report was not bad. The Doc did say (about that “new” enlarged lymph node) that it makes no sense that a therapy that is working in the lungs and the liver is not working in other areas; being that the treatment is carried through the bodies system by the blood, which travels every area of the body. (I was happy with his optimism in this respect). The Doc is optimistic, obviously, that The Hubs is healthy enough to continue treatments.
That said, we both noticed that The Doc seemed down the whole time. Not quite as “happy” as usual. Now that could mean he was just having a not good day, or he was tired, or overwhelmed getting back into the flow after a wonderful vacation. The Docs “mood” let’s say could have nothing to do will the CAT scan reports or the techs insistence that the lymph node is newly enlarged. His demeanor could just be a personal thing, but we were deeply aware that he seemed “not himself”.
Back to the subject: I have to hang onto the phrase “I cannot” tell you it’s gone because it has moved. He cannot? Why? Maybe because of protocol or the legalities of malpractice.
A year ago, when this all began, we purposely asked him not to tell us the stage so that it was not put in our heads and more so, on my part, because we believe in the creative authority of our spoken words. He respected that … yet somehow we got here, with the words from yesterday. I need them to be rebuked, because they cannot be unsaid.
I have to meditate on the concept that God’s Word says this is not acceptable or I’m going to shut down.
I have to believe God at His Word.
There is no alternative.
I am angry and fighting fear. I am fighting trying to plan for the whatifs. I am fighting envisioning life alone.
I am fighting for what I know to be true, without being able to see it in the natural.
Lord, please, I believe, I do. Please help me with my unbelief!
I saw a inspirational quote on Facebook this morning, so I decided to be creative with it.
Well, thanks for reading. I hope my trials somehow help someone to know they are not alone in these things that make up our lives.
Always remember, God’s got it all in hand; and when you’re ready you can hand Him your trial too; He’ll handle it for you. That is Grace. Because, Father Loves us unconditionally … think of how you love your children or your pet or whom ever it is you love … then think, How much more does God love me? I tell you true, His love for YOU is infinite! Eternal! Forever and ever and ever … infinity!