HOPE*ann*FAITH

Living and Writing on Purpose: God * Life * Love * Realtionships * The Important Things.

Faith in the Suspension of Time

12 Comments


Don.

He looks at me like this every day … those sparks are really sparks! I love that he looks at me like this every day.

I stopped in the middle of my day, today, asking God what I was being prepared for in all of this. It seems every post, TV show, and commercial I see is a poignant story of someone’s valiant struggle for life, ending in death. It seems I simply cannot escape that part of life that closes the door on this world.

Why?

I’m not really asking God why me. Because why not me? We all have to come, at some time or another, to that place where we realize that death is a part of life. A door shut to this world we live in as we enter into the eternity we’ve earned by fulfilling our call of God.

I’m just wondering why, now. Why so vivid?

I’m not afraid of death. This beautiful man of mine is certainly not afraid of death … he faces it on a level plane, that most of us do not, every day; while at times in excruciating pain. Pain that would cause me, and possibly you too, to cry out to God to end it for us.

During our evening of “normalcy”, watching TV together and talking during commercials;  we TALKED. I noticed during a scene in the show we watch that it was effecting him. He was emotional this evening. I saw a twinkle in the glistening of his silent, held back tears that he was worried about me; afraid that he was going to leave me alone.

Not getting many opportunities to live emotionally with this man of mine I called him on it. He couldn’t really answer my inquiries; after all he has always been a man of few words. He’s that man; the one everyone listens to when he speaks. You have to listen, he’s not likely to repeat himself so you can take notes.

Wisdom lives in those eyes. I love that about him.

Anyway. What prompted this post was something I read in Kaitlyn Bouchillon’s “In the Midst of the Mist” post from yesterday (my birthday). She wrote: “Maybe it’s not about knowing the answers but trusting the Answer. Maybe it’s a lot less about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel than it is trusting the sun will rise and the Son is Light.”

What wisdom from such a young soul!

She writes what I’ve been saying for a long time, about time. Basically this life, though it feels very long, is a span of time that  seemingly has no end for us. Though it is much shorter than we can fathom.

The bible says we are but a mist that appears for a short time and then disappears. James 4:14

We draw our first breath, naked and cold, in a brightness that we’ve never known … We draw our last breath, alone, with God, in a brightness we’ve only imagined, but never really grasped …

In between is the mist … the shadow.

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long – TS Eliot.

Today, for the Hubs and I, that mist, that valley, that shadow, is what David was talking about in Psalm 23 … the shadow of death.

NOT death … just a shadow of death …

We are learning about life in the midst of a death sentence.

Well, let me clarify … the world says cancer is a death sentence. We do not believe this. We believe God’s promise of healing and restoration.

Our faith says that physical death is a door to eternity.

I asked God today what I was being prepared for … but I realize I’m not being prepared. None of us are prepared for death; no one knows the day or the time … only the Creator Father knows the end from the beginning.

I heard it said that it’s a good thing we don’t know what’s coming next, because we’d probably never get out of bed if we did.

I’m certain that Kaitlyn was right (seriously the wisdom of our youth is astounding!) “…it’s not about knowing the answers but trusting the Answer..”

We trust the Answer.

I sat back this afternoon, wondering and then decided to just breath and sit quietly in God’s presence. Trusting the Answer. Then just now the Answer gave me an explanation in reference to my wondering.

We’re not being prepared! We’re being given an opportunity to experience, truly experience, our life together, the Hubs and I. An opportunity to make the most of this mist in the middle of the only two intakes of breath that bridge this life and eternity.

That mist is our lives … we can either walk around, allowing the mist to fog the beauty of it’s swirling light and shadow or we can hold hands and experience the mist and the beauty of being truly alive and present.

Tonight he looked at me with that look (the one in the picture) and we experienced some very important emotions. He really does look at me like that everyday. Those sparks you see are not photo shopped, they are real and full of who he is inside. And I desperately hope that this life experience, that is testing our deepest faith, can be experienced with all the life and presence that we had this evening.

Because in the rawness of emotion and truth sharing this evening we both experienced the true peace of God. The peace that He left us when Jesus went to be at  His right hand.

It’s faith in the suspension of time … time that is eternal in the Creator Father’s hand.

“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” Matthew 24:36

I’ll be mulling over Kaitlyn’s words for days, I’m sure. Because, as she wrote: “If we’ve only got so much time left – and that’s the case, and if none of us knows just how much time it is – and that’s also true, then maybe what matters is not all that we do but all that we are. Could it be that it’s less about how well we can see through the blurry mist and more about how we keep on walking through?”

“What matters is all that we are.” … 

And all that we are, the Hubs and I, right now is alive and present and I am determined to remain alive and present with him as long as we have, not knowing how much time that is … an eternity.

And … no one knows the day or time … not even the oncologists! ” … not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” Matthew 24:36

Thanks for reading my disjointed thoughts. Thanks to Kaitlyn for inspiring in me the spark to write tonight, it’s been a long time. Thanks to God for sending the Answer I needed, and not what I thought I needed.

Blessing to you all, my lovely readers.

ASignature

Author: Hopeannfaith

Welcome, I'm Andrea ... HOPEannFAITH ... I write and take pictures as a way of expression. These are gifts given by a loving and indulgent Father, to a headstrong and stubborn daughter, with much to say. A semi-retired social worker/secretary, I now call myself a writer. I've published one internet article and written many blog posts. However, publishing does not make one a writer, anymore than taking a box camera to the park makes one a photographer. What makes one who and what they are? Well God for one ... formed me before the foundations of this world (Psalm 139); and many, many years after putting away my passion for wordsmithing and picture taking He gave it back ... in droves. I am a culmination of my choices and experiences. It is here that my experiences color the world in print and color. It is my goal to reach just one soul a day with love ... encouragement ... understanding or just letting that soul know that they are not alone where they are today. This is about creating ~ all of it. Creating a HOLY and SACRED place where the ugly truth can be healed and the beauty of a moment or a tear can brighten a day for the experience. Why HOPEannFAITH? Hopeannfaith is my inner child, and she is maturing, as she should have done all along. She is learning all about how Faith fulfills Hope. She is learning how to live. HOPEannFAITH ~ the wonder twins all wrapped up in one, me. These are my Journey Journals ~ written and visual. I welcome your company. I welcome your friendships. My Journey is in the light ~ although I have and will share the shadowy corners and the dark ~ so you know that you are never alone there. If we hold hands in the dark, and we walk, side by side, through the shadow, we will reach the Light together. In relationship with one another and with the Light. Blessings.

12 thoughts on “Faith in the Suspension of Time

  1. I KNEW you would have an amazing write up on “FAITH” … love your writing andrea .. you inspire me.

  2. Oh, Andrea.

    Please know this, that cancer is not a death sentence. Every moment you have, that’s life, and every breath taken in faith is the refutation of death.

    It’s something I’m dealing with now; to say I am not afraid would be wrong, but that fear is not paralyzing. I’m going to live each day as well as I can, and attack into this biological ambush with all the ferocity I can muster.

    You are in my heart, my thoughts, and my prayers, brave souls.

    You give me courage.

    • Andrew,
      Please know that we KNOW that cancer is NOT a death sentence. As I said, the world sees it as such, we do not. We are walking in Faith and we believe God (notice I didn’t say I believed “in” Him … we BELIEVE HIM at His Word; and we are living each day the 110%. YOU are in my heart and our prayers are in agreement for your battle too. Be blessed and be of great courage, as He tells us in His Word, be cause He is right there with you … right there with us.
      God bless.

  3. xoxo and thank you for sharing. I’m so glad it encouraged you, gave you something to think about, and know that I’ll be thinking of you this week! Hugs.

    • Kaitlyn your post was amazing. I’m sorry I haven’t gotten back yet today to comment and encourage you! Yours spoke so clearly to where I am right now. What I’m thinking about. It truly the Answer to my inquiry much earlier in the day and He answered me with your amazing insight! YOU blessed me. Thank you.

  4. Andrea, thank you so much for sharing from your heart. I pray for your continued peace as you go through this journey. At times like these I’m always reminded that many, many people in the world travel this same path. But the big difference is that with Christ it always has a “happy” ending. Think of how blessed you are to have the faith that you and your hubby share to carry you through. Without that faith…there would be no hope and no way to “get out of bed” in the morning. Blessings to you my FB friend.

  5. Your best yet…. Love ya

  6. I always am humbled and awed by your writing …your words transport me into your heart and I come to the end feeling as if I know you (and sometimes even your hubby) so personally. Thank you, once again for sharing from the depths of your heart. Hugs and prayers my friend ❤

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