HOPE*ann*FAITH

Living and Writing on Purpose: God * Life * Love * Realtionships * The Important Things.

Where’s the joy …

3 Comments


Hope & Joy

Hope & Joy

If the joy of the Lord is my strength, I sometimes wonder where the joy is, because I feel so weary and weak.

But … they say this is to be expected. I’m in mourning after all is said and done.

It’s funny … in an odd, un-haha fashion, that I look at the calendar some days and count the days he’s been gone. I think it’s probably odd that a wife knows the exact time of her love’s last breath and heart beat … 12:30 am. I don’t think I’ve gone to sleep before 12:30 am on any day since My Love went home to the Lord.

Maybe it’s not insomnia. Maybe it’s some odd internal clock thing that has to wind itself down into a new normal.

New … sounds nice, right? To me it’s like a present I have no desire to open, because in my heart of hearts, truth be told, I want what I had before.

A comfortable and lived in life with the man God chose for me.

You see nothing is comfortable these days. Living is a surface thing, I skirt around my days and I do what needs doing and I behave like I am supposed to behave. But something is missing.

It echos in the early morning sun and feels hollow and alone in the late of the night.

A friend and I figured it out … there’s no joy right now.

I do things I “like” to do and feel nothing really. I’m just doing them …

I eat foods I “loved” and nothing … I eat to nourish my body and give it the fuel it needs to do those things I’m just doing. Right now I’m best when I am busy; so God has sent the jobs.

I am so thankful that My God is faithful to me, always. And I so don’t deserve His devotion.

This photo I posted, from my trail walks I do weekly, is lovely right? I see the beauty all around me and capture it for memories. I see the beauty. I appreciate the beauty. But I long for the joyful sensation of that beauty.

The scripture says I have much to write … OH, I do!

But that I don’t want to use paper and ink … I’d rather it be face to face, completing our joy.

“So that our joy may be complete.”

I know that in the coming months and years happiness, joy and my comfortable lifestyle will return. But today I find myself talking to God and admitting that if I were to go home to the Lord today that would be okay. I have a twinge of sadness with that reality in that I’m thinking of missing my children and friends … but being face to face with My Love again … that would definitely complete my joy!

(NO! I am not suicidal! Relax my sweet reading friends!)

I guess for me this is my way of sorting through the veils of this grief of mine.

I dreamt last night and My Love spoke to me … it’s lingering is at the same time comforting and painful in it’s ripple. I guess in my dream I was looking for answers, so I will let God sort out the dream’s misting ripples and I’ll get my answers from Him.

In the mean time …. when I am mindful of it, I will choose to find God’s joy in my world.

I will choose to see the beauty of sun rays bouncing off of dew drops as joy.

Dew Drop Tears

Dew Drop Tears

I will choose to hear the joy in an others laughter and see the beauty of joy in a smile.

Until I go to eternity I have much to write and share … but I’d rather it all be face to face, with God and My Love, in the JOY of the Lord … wherein is my strength.

Loving him to eternity ❤

Thanks for indulging my words and God bless.

Love A signature

Author: Hopeannfaith

Welcome, I'm Andrea ... HOPEannFAITH ... I write and take pictures as a way of expression. These are gifts given by a loving and indulgent Father, to a headstrong and stubborn daughter, with much to say. A semi-retired social worker/secretary, I now call myself a writer. I've published one internet article and written many blog posts. However, publishing does not make one a writer, anymore than taking a box camera to the park makes one a photographer. What makes one who and what they are? Well God for one ... formed me before the foundations of this world (Psalm 139); and many, many years after putting away my passion for wordsmithing and picture taking He gave it back ... in droves. I am a culmination of my choices and experiences. It is here that my experiences color the world in print and color. It is my goal to reach just one soul a day with love ... encouragement ... understanding or just letting that soul know that they are not alone where they are today. This is about creating ~ all of it. Creating a HOLY and SACRED place where the ugly truth can be healed and the beauty of a moment or a tear can brighten a day for the experience. Why HOPEannFAITH? Hopeannfaith is my inner child, and she is maturing, as she should have done all along. She is learning all about how Faith fulfills Hope. She is learning how to live. HOPEannFAITH ~ the wonder twins all wrapped up in one, me. These are my Journey Journals ~ written and visual. I welcome your company. I welcome your friendships. My Journey is in the light ~ although I have and will share the shadowy corners and the dark ~ so you know that you are never alone there. If we hold hands in the dark, and we walk, side by side, through the shadow, we will reach the Light together. In relationship with one another and with the Light. Blessings.

3 thoughts on “Where’s the joy …

  1. You have been in my thoughts and prayers so much during this difficult time. I feel your sadness, but also hope in your post today. It reminded me of the words to a song by Natasha Bedingfield (Unwritten),
    Feel the rain on your skin
    No one else can feel it for you
    Only you can let it in
    No one else, no one else
    Can speak the words on your lips
    Drench yourself in words unspoken
    Live your life with arms wide open
    Today is where your book begins
    The rest is still unwritten
    The rest is still unwritten
    The rest is still unwritten

    It is a “new” normal and I know that it is difficult to embrace now. I will pray for your continued healing…the rest is still unwritten! And you have so much more to write and share on your journey.

  2. The weird, counter-intuitive thing is you have nothing but time now.

    For what it’s worth, there is no right or wrong way to do this, but I really admire the way you’re getting through this. You are an inspiration to many.

    Just keep going!

    *hugs!*

    D xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s