God tells us 365 times in the Bible not to be afraid. One for each day. You would think we would be able to get this one down pat.
I’m sorry. I’m afraid I’m not there yet.
In a matter of 19 months and then in the blink of an eye my life was irrevocably changed. So how do I begin again. It’s easy, though still very painful, to look back now and see how I got here. Yet, I’m afraid I don’t know what tomorrow brings. It’s hard.
I’ve gotten to the true grieving part. The part where most of my pain is private, inward, isolated. There are several reasons I say this.
- Grieving, unlike her outward sister Mourning, is a heart and spirit thing. It’s done almost entirely by oneself. But God. Thank goodness for God!
- I grieve privately because after 3 1/2 years people wonder why I’m still grieving, and there’s noway to tell them the truth. It doesn’t end. It simply becomes apart of you.
- I isolate. And I believe that most widows and mothers of the deceased child isolate, even if that was not apart of who they were before the sorrows.
During this transition, which will end with me being okay. Though many things in this new life, that I didn’t anticipate, cause me great fear (anxiety) I run to Father God and find one of His encouragements to not fear, as I work towards courageous.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9b
Well, I found that that five minutes lasted quite a bit. Funny how time is so much more when you live in faith. Thanks for stopping by … I hope this helps someone. If I can just help one to feel not alone I’ll be happy.