Now to put the two together.
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord id the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
2. When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
The stumbled and fell.
(not bad for the day I’m having!)
I still cannot believe that God lead me to this challenge at this particular time in my life. When cancer and heroin are the enemy and foe. When cancer would come to devour the flesh of a one so dear and vital to my life. When heroin would seek to destroy the mind and body of a child of my flesh.
I keep saying, “the last week” or “the last few weeks” in reference to these things we, as a family, have been battling for more that a year now. But it’s actually been a very long “more than a year”. And there’s really no one to talk to … for me anyway.
No one quite understands about the cancer and how it effects the wife. And right now there is no one who quite understands what it is to be the mother of a struggling heroin addict in my circles. And thank God for them, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
I could say with 99% certainty that there is no one who can quite understand the wife and mother who is battling both these enemies simultaneously! Not in my circles anyway!
The boy is clean, I believe, though it’s only been a few days. Thankfully he’s pretty much done with withdrawl, except for the attitude and the attempts at manipulation to make me feel as though I am the reason he picked up. Oh how his disease makes him so self involved! He does these things with no regard to the cancer battle going on in his midst. Heroin is a hedonistic drug … causing the already self involved to become destructively more so! A monster that blindly runs in circles, around and around, slowly peeling away at those in it’s path.
“” \/ “”
Today’s pain, though, stems from my foe, cancer. My husband’s diagnosis. We are starting on the process of him entering a clinical trial and I handle all the phone calls and scheduling. I was told today that they would “have” to be honest about my husband’s pathology. This includes telling us the truth about the stage of the cancer and the lack of effectiveness of the previous treatments. We’ve [definitely I] have asked that these things not be revealed. That we just be told what the next steps would be.
But … the clinical trial nurse doesn’t feel comfortable not being 100% honest about this. Even after I told her that we are intelligent enough to realize the reality of what’s going on with him.
Why does the science refuse to respect the faith of a person? This is the enemy!
I’m beginning to believe that, once again, The Hubs has been protecting me. That he’s allowed me to ask them not to tell us because I obviously cannot handle hearing the truth. Don’t get me wrong, like I said I’m intelligent enough to know where we are at, but I obviously cannot handle hearing it.
The Word says to be careful about what we hear. It’s all about taking in the wrong messages. For me what we hear is connected to what we think and hear in reference to making things reality in one’s life and body. After all we were made in God’s image (Genesis 1) and we were told that we would do the things Jesus did and more (John 14). Therefore we can create with our words! And thoughts become words, eventually.
Here in our home we are purposeful about what we say, as much as humanly possible. We don’t speak or own the illness that we are told our bodies hold, they are not of God therefore they are not apart of us; rather a foe that we battle.
The bible says: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12
Yet, for us, cancer is flesh and blood. Heroin is not, exactly … yet, it is now my son’s body’s craving that works against him. And while these demons are of the enemy … they appear as flesh and blood. But … they are not.
So I pray:
Lord, You are my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? You, Lord, are the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked comes against me [us] to eat up my [their] flesh, cancer and heroin, they stumble and fall, because Lord, you are the strength of my [our] life, You are who these enemies come up against and fall down in front of! Thank you, Lord. Praise you, Lord. All the glory and honor to You my Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Thank you for stopping by and reading and listening. It’s so appreciated, you’ll never know.