My motivation for this 31 Day Journey Through Scripture for Healing was and is to get God’s promises for healing – Divine healing into my head and ultimately into my heart. My true spiritual heart where I can continually tap into what I honestly see as truth in regard to healing.
My desire is MANIFEST healing, manifest health. I want to walk, not just in, as this gives me the ability to walk “out” of; I want to prove out Manifest Health. I want to be able to tap into the KNOWLEDGE that I am healed in Christ – inside and out.
Yet this desire causes me stress.
Because I’m not attaining it right now.
Because I have moments; many right now, when I realize I’m not hungry, and in fact I feel quite the opposite, yet I go and get that comfort food that my mind is telling me I want.
Because I need to move, yet I have no, absolutely no, motivation to get up and start what I know I must do to be healthy. Walk, move, do something, do anything!
Because, though I believe God at His word I must beg Him to forgive my unbelief … not in Him, not in His promise … but, my unbelief that I could be the recipient of Him and His promise of healing. I really believe that though I understand in my head it has not dropped those 18 inches to my heart.
My heart that that literally NEEDS to receive healing.
To my heart where The Spirit actually resides within me!
And God said we could …
Ask, Seek, Knock: Matthew 7
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
There it is … helping the God information get from my head to my heart!
But am I asking? Or … am I sitting here, unmotivated, hoping God will look down on me and just give me what I should be asking Him for. This says that I must ask.
I.MUST.ASK. Maybe I do not have because I do not truly ask God to handle this. Maybe I’m doing this alone, on my own power … and I can’t, I really seem not to be able.
2b You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
The stress of knowing that this obesity I struggle with is due to some past harm within me; that this is the symptom of a physical or emotional wound is the same stress that blocks my ability to get well.
I believe this. So here it is … another layer of the onion that must be peeled away so that God’s Divine Healing can manifest within me.
I don’t have to rehash the harms and wrongs and wounds that I have truly dealt with. I now have to find that tiny shred of “YOU ARE WORTHLESS” that I allowed to be deeply instilled within me.
No. That’s wrong … I didn’t allow the original instillation of self doubt and lack of self worth … what I allowed was the wallowing in and the coveting of that wound so that I could remain resentful by rights of those abuses. So in the time it took me to cultivate that crop of resentment (years) it was able to blossom in some deep and dark places within me that now must be rooted out and exposed to the light.
And this is where I agree that Christianity has a touch of brain washing to it.
I am human. On some of the harder days I forget I am chosen and loved by the Father Creator. It’s not that I cease to know this truth, it’s more that it fails to rise up in me to remind me. And this is because I am distracted by the hardness of the moment.
Let’s face it … during times of stress we humans forget things. Even us Christians forget and try to do things, figure things, that are not within our understanding.
What I need to remember: God’s Sovereignty. I was made in His image. I have His DNA, we all do, and that is perfect.
But … I am not God.
I’m almost 50 years old here. I have never conquered this obesity. It’s roots were deep, I know, and God and I have worked hard to remove them … but like a tree that is cut down, the roots, underground must be destroyed, ground out, so that the tree does not begin to grow, again in that area again. The root must be destroyed, too, so that it will not move, underground, unseen, to rise in a new location where it blooms and grows anew.
He is God, alone. And I believe and I ask Him to take this remnant root and destroy it, once and for all, so that I may walk out that promise He gave me on that gurney 5 years ago!
Thanks for reading my faithful friends.
**The pictures are of a 100+ year old tree in our yard that God uprooted by way of a freak tornado in September of 2012 … mere months before Super Storm Sandy.
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