HOPE*ann*FAITH

Living and Writing on Purpose: God * Life * Love * Realtionships * The Important Things.


2 Comments

Deep Quiet


It’s on mornings like this, when the house is quiet and I am alone with my thoughts, that a soft sadness envelopes me.

Don’t feel sorry for me, I am not looking for attention; just sharing a part of my life with you, as we bloggers do. Don’t be burdened by the thought that you must say something kind and comforting in the comments, you don’t. There is no worldly comfort for this and I imagine there shouldn’t be. This type of pain is God’s territory.

And this process is about trusting God and the spiritual changes that come with such a significant change in one’s life.

Moving forward in one’s life after such a loss is difficult, always. Not like before when change was uncomfortable, maybe even painful and resisted; no nothing like the ease of that.

The perspective has changed.

In the quiet I experience the changes in my life both physically, tangibly and inwardly. The full human affect. They become more real, more apart of me, as I move forward to who I am without him.

He was such an integrated part of who I was, and who I am, still. Though even after only eight and a half months that seems to be fading into the background. And while that is a good sign that I am moving right along and well, there is an acute sadness that wants to be guilt.

We, no one, is who we were yesterday.With each passing moment, each morning sunrise, we are someone completely new. Our core self, our spirit, remains intact and unchanged. But the part of us made up of our morals and values – those environmental settings built into us by our parents and cultures and religions; those are changeable, those are the things that move and adjust along with us on this plane of life. The things that change about us, if we allow it.

Our minds change. Our perspectives change.

After the loss of my other half I realize that some of those environmental and family cultural things have changed. Don’t misunderstand me here, those who know me know, that I am vastly different minded than the majority of my family; and I say majority even when I have found no one amongst my siblings, cousins or extended family who is of the same mind as I am. I don’t cling to those things that families clings to; as if I would lose who I am if I didn’t cling to the fact that I am just like everyone else in my family.

Reminding me that I will not lose myself with the loss of my husband.

I trust God and with that trust comes an ever flowing change of who I am to who I am in Christ.

Of late I don’t resist change. I’ve come to know, in this time of me without him, that the old adage is absolute truth: Change is inevitable.

Not only that, but … Control. We literally have no control over this thing called our lives. Again, this is God’s territory.

If change is inevitable. If I am not who I was with him, if I am not who I was yesterday, but did nothing purposely to change me … do you see where I am going?

And so the sadness comes in. I guess to a certain extent I am different from some widows. I don’t feel guilty that I am moving forward because I don’t see that I have a choice. I am moving forward, because back is impossible. And I don’t think I realized it as impossible before I lost him.

Before I lost that vital part of who I was for the last 26 years.

A lifetime.

Time for our children to grow into adults. Time for us to be finally considering a life for just the two of us …

Now it’s just a life for me … and that’s really sad. And it’s really okay.

… All at the same time.

It’s all so very much to take in, in one sitting of quiet. Yet, it is so very simple.

So in the quiet of this morning … with my warm cup of lemon and water, I look at the day and wonder.

Who will I be today? And I feel sad that it’s just me. And I miss him. And I get up, with thoughts of him helping my heart to beat and forge into this day.

Thanks for reading. God bless.

ASignature

 


2 Comments

Behold … the new has come


It’s the new year, and new things have definitely come.

I have only one resolution and that is NOT to bring 2015 into 2016.

I will begin anew.

I haven’t written much here in the last year. I have been writing,though I have realized that my writing has reverted back to it’s original form … pen and paper (journals).

So what’s to come of this format of writing, for me? Well … I plan to take time each week … one day here at Hope*ann*Faith and one day on the sister blog, which I plan to rename: Letters: A widows journey. Mainly because I have 2 journals … A gratitude journal and a journal that has transformed itself from letters to my late husband to just letters about my new life journey as a widow.

So there’s more to come as I journey to find the new, individual me and my new, personal journey with God.

I think I’m actually looking forward to what may be … but it is covered in a light throw of sadness. But, then, I think it should be; for a bit longer anyway.

Happy New Year Everyone. God Bless.

ASignature


8 Comments

I Tell YOU the Truth |Tues. @ 10


Happy Tuesday … Where we, a growing group of creatives get a prompt word meant to spark creativity in the heart of the writer, or the photographer, or artist, in them. Just about a week is given for the creator to create from this word and all that is asked is that you share and check out what your neighbor in the link up list did with the prompt. You’ll be surprised at how often we are all led on the same path!

Tuesday @ Ten

Tuesday @ Ten

 

Today’s Tuesday Prompt is …. Truth.

“I tell you the truth …”

Jesus is quoted as saying that phrase 78 times in the New Testament! 78 … that’s a lot of truth, but that is part of why he came to earth as a man. To testify to the Truth of God. More interesting: 30 of those truths were recorded just in the book of Matthew.

To tell you the truth, we need healing in our house. A lot of healing. And today I am having a very hard time with the information we got from the doctors at The Hubs’ last two visits. In  my head, and usually in my heart, I know and cannot be moved away from the knowledge that we WERE healed by Jesus’ sacrifice, for US, on the cross. This is knowledge in our home.

It is Truth in our home.

Lord, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! Mark 9:24 (my prayer, taken from the same story but in the book of Mark.)

Matthew 17:14-23

The Healing of a Boy with a demon: also — Mk 9:14-28; Lk 9:37-42

14 When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. 15 “Lord, have mercy on my son,” he said. “He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. 16 I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.” 17 “O unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” 18 Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment. 19 Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” 20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” 22 When they came together in Galilee, he said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. 23 They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.” And the disciples were filled with grief.
*****
 This causes me concern about my faith. And if I’m having a crisis of faith right now, it’s not my faith in God’s promise of healing! It’s about my level of faith being hammered at almost daily for over a year. I thank God that it is His faith that works in and through me and not a faith that I must maintain on my own!
I said to my husband last night, in heartbroken, absolute truth, that it is so hard to hear these things and look at him vibrantly himself. It rocks me that he can be virtually well yet this thing can be inside of him trying to kill him! I told him that I wouldn’t be having such a hard time with his decision to NOT do anything about what they were telling us (he’s decided to refuse anymore chemo; but is willing to consider clinical trials for experimental drugs.) if he were ill and suffering. Somehow it would be easier to just quietly sit back in my sorrow about his refusal.
But, like he says, the chemo doesn’t seem to be doing anything (reminder to self: chemo is poison, not medicine!) can doing nothing really be worse?
And my wife/mother screams in my head … WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! Yet, the truthful questions is: Do we? or Does God?
The amazing truth is he looks great! He feels and functions almost at his norm, except for some fatigue.
It’s amazing, as much as the schedule and the chemo stressed him and fatigued him, I’ll say it again, he did not experience what we all hear about and see on TV, or what others seem to have experienced with their loved ones.
No days of pain and suffering. No horrible, wasting illness. No vomiting and not being able to eat. None of that.
And it is for those very “NOs” that we remain faithful to God’s assurances of The Hubs’ healing.
And then the doctors tell us “their” truth. So when we were told what we were told yesterday their truth rocked my truth. So to decided to do nothing is beyond my scope right now.
The truth is, though, that it is ultimately my husband’s, and God’s, decision. Though I did honestly tell him that while I support his decision he needs to keep in mind that he [they] is making life altering decisions for both our lives.
Truthfully. I believe God. The Hubs looks and feels great, though right now, today, he is angry and frustrated that all this year’s work and treatments seem to have been for naught. We believe, we know, that God has healed him. That God is bigger than the doctors reports and tests and protocols.
Yet today’s Truth is that I am spent. I posted for all our loved ones and friends in the faith and prayer that we were home and were moving forward for the possibility of the clinical trial, and most took that as the good news that it is. But like the chemo (which isn’t curative or even really a medicine) the trial medications are unproved and may be non-curative either. It’s a clinical trial. The doctors and manufacturers have high hopes and so do we.
The truth is …. I am ready for the manifestation of healing in Hutchland. I am ready to stop feeling like I have to be waiting for the next report.
I am ready for the doctors and the world to understand the Truth, that …
Only God heals. Jesus is the only cure.
Like The Hubs says and stands by: The doctors are not curing him, God is. The doctors cannot heal him, only God can.
So today I will continue to recite that … Only God. Only Jesus. He is our cure. He is our doctor. He is our healer.
Hiding-Psalm-27-in-My-Heart_DoNotDepart I’m going to add here today’s attempt at my memorization of Psalm 27: 1 & 2 … here goes!
1. The Lord is my light and my strength; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?
2.When the wicked came against me The to eat up my flesh, My enemies all fell  and foes, they stumbled and fell.
Not too bad for the second day of adding verse two!
I thought that Psalm 27 fit this post, truthfully. These two verses are a big part of what I am and will be focusing on in regard to our current circumstances here in Hutchland.
I refuse to allow the enemy to kill my two men (the second being my youngest. I wrote a post on Sunday about my son’s struggle here.)
Quite frankly it’s been a very trying couple of weeks for this wife and mother.
Thanks for reading. Blessings to you, all.
ASignature


4 Comments

Praying Healing Psalms For a Friend and All Things | FMF & 31 days: day 17


God is LIMITLESS Love

God is LIMITLESS Love

Today’s Prompt for 5 Minute Friday: LONG. Go.

The Psalms are filled with {mostly} David’s desperate cries for help, healing and deliverance! We often long for God to help us, heal us or deliver us. Be for all that longing we neglect sometimes to pray … to cry out our petitions.

David, before and after becoming King David, was one of God’s favorites. Even, as He sinned, in his human-ness God referred to this son of His as “A man after My own heart.”

Well I am here to tell YOU that that is true of each one of us today. We are His favorite, You are His favorite, I am His favorite!

“How?!”

You ask.

Well, it’s because He is LIMITLESS … His very essence is LIMITLESS … His Love for us is LIMITLESS!

We, in our human-ness, put God in a box. A box infinitely smaller than God, in all of His LIMITLESSNESS.

Like small children, we cannot fathom the limitlessness of this Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Infinite God; nor can we fathom that His love for us has those same qualities.

But He DOES!

He DOES!

I find deep and visceral comfort in that. I long for you to feel this, too.

I am writing this particular post after being inspired by a good friend’s struggle today. By this friends perseverance in staying in God’s Word and His presence, today.

This person is struggling with something deeply tragic and emotional; and while that is going on they are doing their level best to stay in God’s Word and presence, today; while feeling like they cannot even breath for the pain and fear. I wanted my friend to know that God LOVES them and while the circumstances are what they are, and regardless of the fact that they cannot seem to feel Him as close, today, that God is, in fact, right there with them.

This is one of those Jesus moments for this friend; that test that reaches within one, viscerally, and actually, when all is said and done, proves within one’s Spirit and Mind that God’s is ALWAYS faithful to His children and His promises.

I have experienced this Jesus moment on several occasions just this year. So I know it is what my friend is experiencing right now. My friend has described, in short, feelings and emotions and fears that I have felt many times this year.

Yet, I came to a place where when my limits on God were destroyed, I became assured of the vastness of His love for me, deeply and permanently. I want that assurance for my friend; for all my friends and loved ones. For everyone.

That place? True Serenity!

The psalmist realized the limitations of man and recognized the limitlessness of God. He expressed these concepts in Psalms 139:7-12: “Where can I go from Thy Spirit? Or where can I flee from Thy presence? If I ascend to heaven, Thou art there, If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, Thou art there, If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Thy hand will lead me, And Thy right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,’ Even the darkness is not dark to Thee, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to Thee.” (from: God’s Limitlessness).

So, as I cry out to God for my healing, { You changed my mourning into dancing. You took off my funeral clothes and dressed me up in joy so that my whole being might sing praises to you and never stop. = healing} I’ve added my friend and others in intercession …

I cried out to you, Lord.
I begged my Lord for mercy:
“What is to be gained by my spilled blood,
by my going down into the pit?
Does dust thank you?
Does it proclaim your faithfulness?
Lord, listen and have mercy on me!
Lord, be my helper!”
You changed my mourning into dancing.
You took off my funeral clothes
and dressed me up in joy
so that my whole being
might sing praises to you and never stop.
Lord, my God, I will give thanks to you forever. {AMEN} — Psalm 30:8-12 

Stop!

What is it today that you need God to heal or deliver you from; what do you long for? I encourage you to pray God’s scriptures; pray what He says about your situation today. I have found and can testify to the fact that praying God’s scriptures to Him never fails.

HE.NEVER.FAILS.

God bless.

Thank You for Reading. Andrea

Thank You for Reading.
Andrea

 

Copyright © AHutchinson Photography™- All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

31 Days Journey to Healing

31 Days Journey to Healing

keep calm blog

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

31 Days!

31 Days!


3 Comments

Peace when the hits keep coming …


“When it rains it pours ….”

A.Hutchinson Photography

A.Hutchinson Photography

I found myself posting that yesterday! So much like world thinking and it isn’t where I should be, how I should be responding to the ever compounding hits this family is taking. Yet we endure, we rise to Praise God again today. But it is disconcerting to see that when I am tired and worn down when another hit comes I respond from the flesh … I guess this shows me how much more work God and I have to do. Though, I guess I should be encouraged that I didn’t actually throw in the towel and toss it and the bathwater, with the baby, out the window. Happy that I didn’t blow my cork and just go straight back to the BC (before Christ) of who I used to be.

But God …

In the wake of cancer and family stresses and the death of loved ones I hear these words in my spirit …

❝ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.❞ ~ Philippians 4:6-8

We are not anxious, we are praying, fervently and in gratitude and God knows our requests before we ask. And we have been given the comfort of His peace and we do not understand how we feel it at all…

God is guarding our hearts and our minds through Christ Jesus.

This is my testimony today … our relationship with Jesus has secured this promise in our life, today. It is how we are enduring the ever increasing temperature of these trials we are going through. Praise God.

So when it rains … and it pours … and the thunder clouds threaten and the lightening flashes … we will not cower, we will not give in to our pain …

We will praise Him in the storm!


8 Comments

Life and Conduct and Taking Responsibility


Life and Conduct: Taking responsibility for our lives, our selves and our circumstances.

Proverbs 23: 1-3 (NASB)

On Life and Conduct

1 When you sit down to dine [with a ruler], Consider carefully what is before you, 2 And put a knife to your throat If you are a man of great appetite. 3 Do not desire [his] delicacies, For it is deceptive food.

Welcome to Few Words Thursday, it’s been a while! I have no good reason for not being here; the best reason is apathy. Apathy, just another subject of life and conduct and responsibility. But I digress; apathy is for another day!

Today I want to discuss the struggle with obesity. Obesity is a national epidemic here in the USA, as we know. However, we’ve spent a lifetime ignoring it as a weakness or a disability. Some people are simply genetically predestined to be overweight, right? Well, maybe, but in the end the victory over obesity is won by sheer perseverance.

Biblically it is said that we are healed: Jeremiah 30:17 says, “For I will restore health unto you, and I will heal you of your wounds, saith the Lord.”

Many believe that the illness of obesity is caused by a wounding of the spirit. That words spoken abusively, intended or not, wounded the spirit of the overweight soul; or that physical abuse caused the spirit to be wounded. However obesity, whether genetic or emotional is killing many; it’s killing me. So what to do?

I have recently turned these issues in my life to the Word of God … and they are there. The starting scripture tells me to be aware of the food in front of me; that the “delicacies” are a lie.

They are! Think about it, many of us eat out of emotional turmoil: loneliness, feelings of worthlessness … that candy bar or that bowl (pan) of mac and cheese … I deserve those! One more won’t do any harm, right? And I’ll feel better [emotionally] afterward!

It’s an emotional addiction … an emotional crutch! And it’s killing many (me).

So what to do?

Me, I’m doing all I know to do when it come to the heart event. The lack of salt in my diet rendered a ravenous sweet tooth in me that I fight with ever fiber of my being. I think I’m doing well … I really do try … persevere. So in this apathy ( that has kept me house bound, with writer’s block and a feeling of worthlessness) I allowed myself to make some poor choices.

NOW, I’m done with that ! I want to go from this:

Apathetic

 

To This:

Joyful

 

Proverbs 15:29-30 (NIV) says:

“29The LORD is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

30 Light in a messenger’s eyes brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.”

So in short … I must be self-controlled in my diet; conducting both my dietary and emotional life with diligence. I do this with the Word of God. I have found that direction for every area of ones life, for every area of concern or trial, the bible holds the foundational truth and the remedy to life and these areas and more.

So its full steam ahead. I will be discerning about what is on my plate, I will resist the lie of the delicacies for happiness and I will find joy and healing in the Word of God … applying such daily and in every circumstance.

Do you have an area of your life that you need to conduct differently or take responsibility for? Are you ready for the profound changes that God will make in your life if you allow Him access to these areas?

If so I would encourage you to do the easiest thing I know how to do … Google it, like I did. Simply write what I did (but according to your need) : What does the bible say about obesity? was my question to google … you will be amazed at the resources you find.

My advise from there is to check each resource, diligently, by the bible. Remember God promises us these things, but there is a part we must take responsibility for to receive the promises. Like the second scripture says; God hears the prayers of the righteous! But one must be righteous in the eyes of God for Him to hear your prayer … doing all you know to do in accordance with God’s Word insures that righteousness!

Do not be anxious about anything, Loves, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. As it says in Philippians 4:6

Blessings Loves, and thank you for joining me in FWTH! 🙂


4 Comments

While Thursday Remains …


Flawed

 

Welcome to what is left of Thursday. On Thursdays I try to be brief in my writing. I try to express myself in as little words as possible. I try to give encouragement in short strokes, so that you may find your way in your own way, maybe with just a little wisdom gleaned from my experiences.

Welcome to Few Words Thursday with HOPEannFAITH and FRIENDS … join us using the linky below. Blessings to You!

I haven’t written anything in about three weeks. I’ve been walking in the shadows all this time. Angst and discomfort just under my skin. Wondering who I might be, why I couldn’t feel. A friend pointed out that I could feel … that maybe the right description was “feeling empty” … that “felt” right.

So I wandered and wondered. How could I be pleasing to God when I felt this way? I was/am empty, sad, unhappy …

And then this evening I read this: Destitute at A Restless Heart.

I could not have expressed myself with such grace and clarity. Oh how I long to write like those ladies I follow! The flow makes their writing feel effortless … I picture lace curtains in a cool autumn breeze with a steaming cup of coffee at the ready, as they sit in linen and lace, with wispy curls at their temples, while delicate fingers tap away at a keyboard writing what I feel, yet cannot express so beautifully!

Ahhh … but I write, still.

The line in Destitute that is winding around in my spirit … hopefully to grow under a blanket of prayer like bread dough rises under a linen dishcloth, into a real blog post is this:

“…but religion is a product of man trying to do the right thing.” ~ Kelly Sauer

Kelly describes this place … what I call empty … as Destitute. And I agree with her … I believe God allows me to feel this emptiness …

We are vessels … and this vessel is cracked … all the “good” I try to achieve simply flows through the tiny cracks, draining my resolve, my energy … my very essence, leaving me to feel that it is futile. That this desire to ALWAYS reflect Him is beyond the Me of all of this …

Kelly has tapped a deep emotion in me … one that wants me to write until this post is unreadable. So rather than brutalize my faithful here I will leave this a true few words …. and ponder where Kelly’s soul is leading mine!

Thank you, Kelly … from the deepest parts of Andrea, thank you for your courage!

Blessings Loves.

This has been a Few Words Thursday Post!