HOPE*ann*FAITH

Learning to Live , Again, On Purpose.


4 Comments

It’s Not about Me {YOU} … It’s a God Thing


Forgiveness …. I have written MANY posts about forgiveness over the years {You can peruse that library of posts right here, if you’re bored!}. Much like you, and most people, I’ve forgiven MANY for MUCH. That’s the way life is.

But what about those people … those acts, that we cannot seem to forgive?

Is it in our nature to forgive? I don’t think so, not in our natural, carnal selves.

To err is human, to forgive divine. ~ Alexander Pope

Forgiveness is a Spiritual thing of healing.

Forgiveness is a God thing.

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake and remembers your sins no more.
 Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case for your innocence. Isaiah 43:25-26

So if God blots out my transgressions (sins) and remembers them no more and offers to argue (discuss, workout) the matter with me; who am I not to forgive those who transgress against me?

Forgiveness is not about ME. It’s about God … It’s me being about the things of God.

Like I said: I forgave many for much; and when I say much I mean a tremendous amount of wrongs! And in this world, even in our families, today, tremendous wrongs are an everyday thing. We’ve fallen so far into the depravity of the world’s view that the “I’m not hurting anyone” mantra is rote.

Well un-forgiveness is painful! To ourselves and to the other parties involved.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiveness is a God thing. Good thing He made us all in his image, to be like Him and do His work in this earth.

Un-forgiveness is like a cancer, one we choose to cultivate! It doesn’t harm the un-forgiven party as much as it harms us, ourselves. It causes bitterness and resentment and eventually total distrust of all, if left unhindered.

So if forgiveness is such a hard thing; and yes a thing, in my studied layman’s opinion, that we are incapable of on our own, without God; how then do we do this thing?

For me it was a hailmary task. I had nothing left in me when I came searching for home … for God. I’d been physically, emotionally, verbally and sexually abused. I’d been abandoned by act and deed and choice and neglected due to illness and lack and simply lack of responsibility.

And finally … I had found refuge in the Hubs before he was the Hubs. I didn’t trust at first. I actually fought, inadvertently my own worst hit man. I undermined my own security and happiness for many years. That often being the result of those who endure much abuse and neglect over time; they grow to believe that this is their lot in life and that they somehow deserve the cards that were dealt, when in fact, they, themselves deal from the bottom of the deck they are holding. Essentially choosing their abusers, as a form of control , and controlling when and how the abuse occurs (this is a DEEP subject that needs a post of it’s own, someday). Anyway, this is how I dealt with life prior to the Hubs and my road to my Salvation!

My road! Ha! It was God’s road and His plan! Seriously (again, for another post).

So back to the path of forgiveness ….

It was only with God, on His terms and with my submission to the Word, that I was able to come to a place of forgiveness for the Many and Much. For the most part I’ve been successful … it’s been 13 years, this month!

I didn’t forsake the fellowship. I attended (attend) church and keep my mind renewed by staying in the Word and prayer and relationship with God.

To forgive is to set the prisoner free and discover that the prisoner is you. ~ Lewis B. Smedes

Let me say it this way …

My hailmary, as I walked down the aisle, to the altar one Wednesday night, to accept the grace of Jesus as my Lord and Savior, was to beseech God, for what I wasn’t sure, but somehow I knew this was where I had to be, to fix it all. The very next thing God began to work on (FOR YEARS) was my un-forgiveness! It really was the first (well after ridding me of my previous “religion”) thing that was tackled in my spiritual walk. And it remains an everyday discipline.

The Many and Much are not gone. They walk and talk and tap at my heart strings, trying to play their melody of anger and resentment from time to time.

But I am FREE. I set aside the echos of my past and turn to the Word and fellowship of my fellow believers and continue to move forward, “It’‍s the only direction God gave us.”Gabe in Wish I Was Here; and I forgive, again.

Forward

Abandonment is an issue these days. Being the wife of someone battling cancer you find that your family and friends are kind of afraid of you. Oh they ask after the Hubs and offer prayer and blessings. But rarely do they ask the wife how she is, afraid that they won’t know what to say. Their priority if they are believers is to concentrate their prayers on his healing (and oh, how thankful I am for that!) and if they aren’t, I hazard to think of the pity prayers they offer up!

And there is the cancer itself, that threatens everyday to leave me alone, my heart destitute of the only honest and true love for me that has existed in this world (aside from Father God’s, that is.).

So I wake each morning thanking God for the faith and hope that He has given me, it’s His really. I thank Him for the army of intercessors that have gathered around the Hubs and I soak in those healing prayers knowing that they are for me too, even if they are not offered to me, per se. …

And I forgive Me, for being human and angry and resentful, for shaking my fists at the circumstances of my wisp of a life, right here and right now.

Because when we realize that God has forgiven us our worst, hidden in that dark corner of our deepest crevasse of soul, sin and remembers it now more, though we keep it in the corner of that crevasse, we can then begin to forgive ourselves for those sins, not the least of which is a lifetime of resentful un-forgiveness. Only then are we able to realize we aren’t capable of forgiveness on our own, so I …

Repent and thank  God that He has created me in His image to be about the work of His kingdom and ask that He help me to forgive the new Many and Much and move forward on the path He would have me walk … today.

Today … I walk in faith, not looking to the right or to left, simply looking to God, and I walk in forgiveness. Tomorrow I will start again, because Jesus did …

 This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. Matthew 26:28

Thanks for reading my faithful friends. Blessings to you all.

ASignature


Leave a comment

Growing Mature in the Waiting


Five Minute Friday … All writing, no editing! Join our community over on Kate’s blog; where we share from the heart, throwing grammar and punctuation to the wind!

I’ve attempted this post three times in the past six days! The words come to me in God’s timing … and I wait on them before I venture forth. =)

Today’s (Friday, the 30th’s) Prompt is: Wait … Go!

There is a lot we wait for in our life times. We spend time waiting on line, on hold and on God. And there in lies the key.

Waiting on God and His perfect timing. For me this took much discipline over the years. I (we) want answers and guidance right now … but good comes to those who wait, and who wait on the Lord. Right? Do I hear your amen(s) echoing out there?

Lametations 3:20-26

My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”

Hope ... I will wait for Him.

Hope … I will wait for Him.

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.

There is much I (we) wait for here in Hutchland these days. The most pressing is healing and restoration! Cancer, Heart Issues, Obesity and Addictions; they all are what we are waiting for in all faith, trusting God at His Word. Knowing His promises are secure and our blessings are in the acknowledgement that healing and restoration was attained in our Salvation.

We have hope … in Jesus. Not the wishfullness that the  world sees as hope. Our hope is in the Lord and we will do all that we know to do. We are utilizing every option that God has presented to us in these life trials we are struggling with.

And then … We wait …

and … Be still [wait] , and know that He IS God; He will be exalted among the nations, He will be exalted in the earth.

Psalm 46:10

And in the wait, in the hope, in the clinging to God’s Faith, I find myself assured of the Answer. I find control of emotion and wisdom in the wait when I rely upon Him for the answers.

He, God, Jesus, Holy Spirit is also Answer.

So as I (we, YOU) wait, rely on God and His perfect timing. And when you wander from the line, losing your place, repeat this …

I trust YOU, Jesus. I will wait on YOU, God.

STOP.

Thanks for reading my friends! This has been a FMF post (finally!). God bless YOU!ASignature


6 Comments

How God Assures Me He’s On It :: A Much Needed Sunday Healing


Sweet, Sad Eyed Boy

Sweet, Sad Eyed Boy

This is my sweet boy. My youngest. My sad little guy. And OH how he had reason for that sweet, sad look. And OH how I sometimes, still, ache for my blindness.

The Man

The Man

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the man… angry and battling his demons. Very scary demons. And OH how I dreamed of reaching that sweet boy who was hidden in that angry man. I was incapable of reaching into him, to the boy. He wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t, still am not allowed to even hug him. It’s truly heartbreaking for me. And I’m sure his heart is broken. But He battles daily with his illness, his addiction. Heroin. And even when he stumbles, slips and falls flat out; he gets back up to battle. He’s superman in his head. He still thinks he needs to be I think. Because, I couldn’t protect him, because he couldn’t tell me … until they did, when they were barely in grade school … and the man (teen) you see above hid the sweet boy. Seemingly forever.

He fell this week. Wasn’t able to recover from an apparent stumble and now he starts over again. And my heart is broken watching him be sick. Very sick as he starts to stand back up to this illness, this craving, whose whole intent is to kill that sweet boy he has hidden in his heart.

Shane light editThis is him at the beginning of the last run of sobriety. Tired but strong. He’ll be there again.

And I know this because God and I met in worship this morning at church. I started the day very worried about my sweet boy, who hasn’t been so sweet these last few days. He was sick and in pain and irritable. I mean who wouldn’t be when they felt sick; I certainly am not fun when I am ill. But this is different.

There’s nothing I can do. And if I do something I am jeopardizing his life by enabling him. He has to walk out the withdrawl himself. He has to want to feel better. He has to choose between sobriety  and oblivion.

Unlike the cancer his father battles, the boy chose his illness. Chose oblivion over the demons of something he had no say in and I had no knowledge of. The demons who continue to tell him it was his fault. The demons that tell him I should have known. The demons who tell him he’s superman and he can live through the dangerous choices. The demons who tell him no one loves him because he’s unlovable now. This monster heroin quiets the demons I imagine. But then they begin to rustle again and bite … I cannot fathom the pain, though I experience his pain and suffering while he battles the withdrawl and fights for the breath of air that sobriety brings him.

As I sang praises to God today. As I worshiped the Father that promises to heal us. I cried out and from the depth of this mother’s heart and soul I sought my God’s assistance for my sweet boy. And God assured me that with that relinquishing, once again, of my boy to His care, that the boy, the man, would be healed.

During this song, as the lead singer of our worship band and assistance pastor sang this favorite, God met me in my aching for my sweet boy. I quieted and prayed for him and for The Hubs and was assured that He had them, that their healings were imminent, promised. And I quieted into the precious peace of the music, in Father’s presence.

You see, I’ve realized that the enemy has put a hit out on this family. Two of my men are battling grave illnesses, and the boy does not know the promises we believe! So I, WE, as a family must believe for him. He does not know that heroin addiction cannot kill him, as his father knows the cancer cannot kill him, though we tell him.

The boy does not know, as the father does, that because we believe, he is saved from his illnesses and cleansed of his sins, sins that are not even his own, but believes to be. The boy doesn’t believe that Jesus loved him so much that he took the heroin needle for him to the cross and died there with that illness upon Him! So we must believe and pray until the boy understands his worth to the Father.

And what mother, father and brother wouldn’t do this for a boy, for a man?

Oh how I wish the boy believed that he would live. Oh how I wish the boy believed he is loved beyond his mother’s ability to put it in words. Oh how I wish he knew the joy I get when he is well and smiles and is a participating member of this family. A participating member in his own life.

So I leave this post as another prayer to God. It holds no scripture, only a song of worship and praise to our Father God expressing my love and honor to him. I leave it as proof that I acknowledge His response to my need, my boy’s need, this morning. And I thank him again and again, without end that my sweet boy is starting to feel better and is two or three (I’m not sure) days back on the road of sobriety.

To every parent of a child who battles the illness of addiction, or any illness for that matter, I sing this song for you and your child. I pray that God vanquish this demon and send it to hell from whence it came, and I put the enemy and heroin under the feet of Jesus.

We are healed. Our children are healed. Our land is healed. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Thanks for listening to this outpouring of a mother’s heart.

ASignature

The sweet boy’s mom. =)


4 Comments

Praying Healing Psalms For a Friend and All Things | FMF & 31 days: day 17


God is LIMITLESS Love

God is LIMITLESS Love

Today’s Prompt for 5 Minute Friday: LONG. Go.

The Psalms are filled with {mostly} David’s desperate cries for help, healing and deliverance! We often long for God to help us, heal us or deliver us. Be for all that longing we neglect sometimes to pray … to cry out our petitions.

David, before and after becoming King David, was one of God’s favorites. Even, as He sinned, in his human-ness God referred to this son of His as “A man after My own heart.”

Well I am here to tell YOU that that is true of each one of us today. We are His favorite, You are His favorite, I am His favorite!

“How?!”

You ask.

Well, it’s because He is LIMITLESS … His very essence is LIMITLESS … His Love for us is LIMITLESS!

We, in our human-ness, put God in a box. A box infinitely smaller than God, in all of His LIMITLESSNESS.

Like small children, we cannot fathom the limitlessness of this Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Infinite God; nor can we fathom that His love for us has those same qualities.

But He DOES!

He DOES!

I find deep and visceral comfort in that. I long for you to feel this, too.

I am writing this particular post after being inspired by a good friend’s struggle today. By this friends perseverance in staying in God’s Word and His presence, today.

This person is struggling with something deeply tragic and emotional; and while that is going on they are doing their level best to stay in God’s Word and presence, today; while feeling like they cannot even breath for the pain and fear. I wanted my friend to know that God LOVES them and while the circumstances are what they are, and regardless of the fact that they cannot seem to feel Him as close, today, that God is, in fact, right there with them.

This is one of those Jesus moments for this friend; that test that reaches within one, viscerally, and actually, when all is said and done, proves within one’s Spirit and Mind that God’s is ALWAYS faithful to His children and His promises.

I have experienced this Jesus moment on several occasions just this year. So I know it is what my friend is experiencing right now. My friend has described, in short, feelings and emotions and fears that I have felt many times this year.

Yet, I came to a place where when my limits on God were destroyed, I became assured of the vastness of His love for me, deeply and permanently. I want that assurance for my friend; for all my friends and loved ones. For everyone.

That place? True Serenity!

The psalmist realized the limitations of man and recognized the limitlessness of God. He expressed these concepts in Psalms 139:7-12: “Where can I go from Thy Spirit? Or where can I flee from Thy presence? If I ascend to heaven, Thou art there, If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, Thou art there, If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Thy hand will lead me, And Thy right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,’ Even the darkness is not dark to Thee, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to Thee.” (from: God’s Limitlessness).

So, as I cry out to God for my healing, { You changed my mourning into dancing. You took off my funeral clothes and dressed me up in joy so that my whole being might sing praises to you and never stop. = healing} I’ve added my friend and others in intercession …

I cried out to you, Lord.
I begged my Lord for mercy:
“What is to be gained by my spilled blood,
by my going down into the pit?
Does dust thank you?
Does it proclaim your faithfulness?
Lord, listen and have mercy on me!
Lord, be my helper!”
You changed my mourning into dancing.
You took off my funeral clothes
and dressed me up in joy
so that my whole being
might sing praises to you and never stop.
Lord, my God, I will give thanks to you forever. {AMEN} — Psalm 30:8-12 

Stop!

What is it today that you need God to heal or deliver you from; what do you long for? I encourage you to pray God’s scriptures; pray what He says about your situation today. I have found and can testify to the fact that praying God’s scriptures to Him never fails.

HE.NEVER.FAILS.

God bless.

Thank You for Reading. Andrea

Thank You for Reading.
Andrea

 

Copyright © AHutchinson Photography™- All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

31 Days Journey to Healing

31 Days Journey to Healing

keep calm blog

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

31 Days!

31 Days!


Leave a comment

Rest & Relaxation | 31Days:11


“Ah! There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort.”
― Jane Austen

We hung out at home today! I love that!

Content

Content

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” 

John 14:27

Rest is needed to heal and restore oneself. Now while it is HARD to get The Hubs to rest; EVER, we had a down day today. It’s hard for him to sit and relax, he was an always on the go kind of guy. He would create things to do just to stay busy. Now, after better than a year of fighting cancer with chemotherapy and radiation, his body just doesn’t let him do what he had planned or wants to do. His body requires him to rest; kind of like the rest of us. =)

 

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with  thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which  surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ  Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

 

We hung out and watched our favorite Saturday morning shows; Lucky Dog and Dr. Chris Pet Vet and had a late breakfast. The boy was home and around too. We then watched two comedies and The Hubs laughed at all the 12 year old humor with the boy, as I was watched like the mother of men children! It was peaceful and nice. It was wonderful to hear that laugh.

The Hubs laugh is truly my favorite sound in the world; it’s so warm and honest in all it’s joy! ♥

 

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”

John 14:27

 

For us here in Hutchland quiet Saturdays are a healing time. We hang out in an atmosphere of stress-less love and contentedness. Even if The Hubs is a bit frustrated I can usually find a way to ease his fidgeting. Today it was raining, so it was easier for him to hang out and relax. Rain limits his outside projects.

So it was Dachshunds, movies and tea … Waffles and syrup with coffee, movies, a short drive to Dad’s to feed Invisakitty, while he’s at his camp; and a late dinner.

Never underestimate what rest and relaxation can mean for a healing body … what laughter and quiet contentedness can do for aches and pains … what the love of family can do for times of pent up energy and frustration. Or even times when you need the energy to feel normal and alive, but it isn’t coming.

 

 “Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

1 Peter 3:4

 “But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.”

Psalm 131:2

I do so hope you take the time for rest and relaxation in your week. Time with someone(s) special. Time to just sit back and be contented in the peaceful comfort of just being.

How do you relax and refuel?

Sometimes I just sit quietly in the presence of God and allow Him to fill me with His peace and love. That, my friends, is the best. The VERY best. That is true serenity.

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” John 14:27

Blessings to you and thanks so much for reading.

Andrea

Andrea

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

31 days of Five Minute Free Writes

31 Days!

31 Days!

31 Days Journey to Healing

31 Days Journey to Healing


4 Comments

I Know Where My Hope Comes From*Looking UP | Tuesday@Ten


Nothing is Impossible in Him

Nothing is Impossible in Him

Welcome. Tuesday is the day I join the writers over on Karen Beth’s blog, Finding the Grace Within for her Tuesday at Ten blog Link up.

It’s simple, be creative with the prompt: writing, art or whatever your craft may be, you have 1 week to create and link up at that bottom of Karen’s page so that others can link up with you. Be sure to visit your “link up” neighbor and spread the joy of connection! Just follow the link above. Looking forward to your post.

Today’s Prompt ….

HOPE!

 

OH, how I’ve hoped these last 12 months.

Hoped and prayed and prayed and hoped. All the time knowing where my hope was founded. My hope is firm on the Corner Stone.

He is Lord … Lord of All!

I have vacillated though, back and forth, in my faith … forgetting to rely upon the faith that is based on the grace of God, but rather relying on the building of my own faith in my exhaustion. Forgetting that Jesus said to roll my works upon Him and to trust Him wholly. Proverbs 16:3.

You see we forget in our human-ness. We forget that He is made strong in us when we are at our weakest! Oh how the relief and peace of His tenderness cascaded over my physical and spiritual self when I remembered.

Amazing Love! Amazing Hope!

The Hubs shared something last night that I’ve been praying and hoping for! I’ve been praying that he would use God’s wisdom in his decision making about his treatments. I finally came to the place that all good and supportive and God guided helpmeets come to. I came to a place that allowed me to, no matter what, no matter how scared or selfish or heartbroken, support whatever decision he made.

You see he wants to quit the chemo, even if the doctor advises against it. He’s terribly frustrated and hates to be down and sick and tired. These things are his kryptonite. He says cancer isn’t killing him that the chemo is killing him and these things are products of the chemo.

His Laughter - My Favorite Sound.

His Laughter – My Favorite Sound.

And then hope … He gave me a glimmer of hope with what he shared last night. He said: “Stopping is my intention, we will see.”

Now let me give you the full picture here. The whole year, especially when they told us that it had moved to the liver, he’s been saying he was going to stop; and each time my heart would sink and my head would spin. I sometimes actually felt faint. I knew that this statement was stealing my peace, my sanity and my hope.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

That statement was stealing my faith. I was forgetting. Then something woke me up. “The chemo is killing me, not the cancer.” The Hubs had decided from day one that this was not going to end him. He declared that and God heard him. But I had begun to fade … I was relying on my faith … not the faith I was given through grace. I was trying to have faith in my own power and I’d hear him say that he was going to stop and I would fade some more.

But then he gave me HOPE! God had heard my prayers too! He always does and he always answers often immediately.

Faith and Trust allow us to hope for what we see as impossible. We mustn’t let these things fade! We mustn’t forget about that faith we were given by grace. And we must not forget that Grace is a person!

I am grateful for Grace and for the hope The Hubs gave me last night! This is the last week of scheduled chemo and then there are some tests and the doc will return with a report.

My HOPE is that that report will come back as no further treatment needed, even as I cannot see it.

Because I know where my Hope comes from … My.HOPE.Is.In.The.LORD.

Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

What is your hope today? Please join us and share your hope today.

Andrea

Andrea

 

Tuesday @ Ten

Tuesday @ Ten