One Page at a Time.

one page, one story, one life.


6 Comments

How God Assures Me He’s On It :: A Much Needed Sunday Healing


Sweet, Sad Eyed Boy

Sweet, Sad Eyed Boy

This is my sweet boy. My youngest. My sad little guy. And OH how he had reason for that sweet, sad look. And OH how I sometimes, still, ache for my blindness.

The Man

The Man

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the man… angry and battling his demons. Very scary demons. And OH how I dreamed of reaching that sweet boy who was hidden in that angry man. I was incapable of reaching into him, to the boy. He wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t, still am not allowed to even hug him. It’s truly heartbreaking for me. And I’m sure his heart is broken. But He battles daily with his illness, his addiction. Heroin. And even when he stumbles, slips and falls flat out; he gets back up to battle. He’s superman in his head. He still thinks he needs to be I think. Because, I couldn’t protect him, because he couldn’t tell me … until they did, when they were barely in grade school … and the man (teen) you see above hid the sweet boy. Seemingly forever.

He fell this week. Wasn’t able to recover from an apparent stumble and now he starts over again. And my heart is broken watching him be sick. Very sick as he starts to stand back up to this illness, this craving, whose whole intent is to kill that sweet boy he has hidden in his heart.

Shane light editThis is him at the beginning of the last run of sobriety. Tired but strong. He’ll be there again.

And I know this because God and I met in worship this morning at church. I started the day very worried about my sweet boy, who hasn’t been so sweet these last few days. He was sick and in pain and irritable. I mean who wouldn’t be when they felt sick; I certainly am not fun when I am ill. But this is different.

There’s nothing I can do. And if I do something I am jeopardizing his life by enabling him. He has to walk out the withdrawl himself. He has to want to feel better. He has to choose between sobriety  and oblivion.

Unlike the cancer his father battles, the boy chose his illness. Chose oblivion over the demons of something he had no say in and I had no knowledge of. The demons who continue to tell him it was his fault. The demons that tell him I should have known. The demons who tell him he’s superman and he can live through the dangerous choices. The demons who tell him no one loves him because he’s unlovable now. This monster heroin quiets the demons I imagine. But then they begin to rustle again and bite … I cannot fathom the pain, though I experience his pain and suffering while he battles the withdrawl and fights for the breath of air that sobriety brings him.

As I sang praises to God today. As I worshiped the Father that promises to heal us. I cried out and from the depth of this mother’s heart and soul I sought my God’s assistance for my sweet boy. And God assured me that with that relinquishing, once again, of my boy to His care, that the boy, the man, would be healed.

During this song, as the lead singer of our worship band and assistance pastor sang this favorite, God met me in my aching for my sweet boy. I quieted and prayed for him and for The Hubs and was assured that He had them, that their healings were imminent, promised. And I quieted into the precious peace of the music, in Father’s presence.

You see, I’ve realized that the enemy has put a hit out on this family. Two of my men are battling grave illnesses, and the boy does not know the promises we believe! So I, WE, as a family must believe for him. He does not know that heroin addiction cannot kill him, as his father knows the cancer cannot kill him, though we tell him.

The boy does not know, as the father does, that because we believe, he is saved from his illnesses and cleansed of his sins, sins that are not even his own, but believes to be. The boy doesn’t believe that Jesus loved him so much that he took the heroin needle for him to the cross and died there with that illness upon Him! So we must believe and pray until the boy understands his worth to the Father.

And what mother, father and brother wouldn’t do this for a boy, for a man?

Oh how I wish the boy believed that he would live. Oh how I wish the boy believed he is loved beyond his mother’s ability to put it in words. Oh how I wish he knew the joy I get when he is well and smiles and is a participating member of this family. A participating member in his own life.

So I leave this post as another prayer to God. It holds no scripture, only a song of worship and praise to our Father God expressing my love and honor to him. I leave it as proof that I acknowledge His response to my need, my boy’s need, this morning. And I thank him again and again, without end that my sweet boy is starting to feel better and is two or three (I’m not sure) days back on the road of sobriety.

To every parent of a child who battles the illness of addiction, or any illness for that matter, I sing this song for you and your child. I pray that God vanquish this demon and send it to hell from whence it came, and I put the enemy and heroin under the feet of Jesus.

We are healed. Our children are healed. Our land is healed. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Thanks for listening to this outpouring of a mother’s heart.

ASignature

The sweet boy’s mom. =)


Leave a comment

Healing Sunday the Medicine of Praise! … 31days:day26


I think I’ve said this before … I find healing within my praise time with God. I find the catalyst of the music the easiest way to enter into the presence of God, where I believe we are automatically in the condition of the wholeness God intended us to be.

Praise is my medicine.

Our Youth Worship Band brought us into worship today and it was amazing. {They sang the song below … perfectly.}

I also believe that since I’ve lost a significant amount of weight I was able to physically participate actively in my worship. I found myself refreshed and worked when we finally finished with our praise and worship time.

Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for you are my praise. Jeremiah 17:14

This particular song washes over me and I’m with my Father God and He responds to me, and that response heals me to my core! This song is a prayer of praise and love. I pray you will listen and allow God to respond to you in your praises … because He is your {our} praise.

Blessings to you and thanks for reading.

Thank You for Reading. Andrea

Thank You for Reading.
Andrea

keep calm blog

31 Days Journey to Healing

31 Days Journey to Healing


Leave a comment

The Point of Contact … the hem of His Garment | 31 Days


31 Days: Day 20

She suffered for many years with an issue of blood. She was not supposed to be out in public, she was considered unclean. Yet she said to herself …

 

“If I only touch His garment, I will get well.”… Matthew 9:21

hem

A point of contact and radical faith. She reached out, breaking all the rules and touched the hem of Jesus’ garment and was healed. At her wits end, with nothing left to lose, she did the unthinkable in her society at that time in history!

She created a point of contact with Jesus for healing. Believing, using all the faith she had been given what she had heard, that He would heal her.

The story goes on to say that Jesus felt something leave Him and asked who had touched Him … Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

We sometimes suffer without the confidence that He will heal us. Sometimes we cannot wrap our heads around the faith we have been given and just receive; so we continue to suffer.

Lord, I thank You that in the midst of my Praise and Worship of You I have found a point of contact. That etheral touch that I feel as I enter in and You respond to me. Oh how wonderful that Fatherly response feels to this emotionally fatherless daughter. That point at which I allow myself to feel, sense, the manifestation of wholeness within the core of my very being. Oh, but I ask, Oh Lord, that You teach me to retain that feeling, that permenant knowing that I am completely healed and whole. My Salvation gift of grace from a father thrilled with our reconciliation! All the glory and honor to You, my Lord, as my healing manifests within and without me. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Do you need a point of contact today? Do you know when you are in the presence of God the Father? If you do that is your point of contact. I encourage you to soak in that; whether it’s prayer, or a quiet time or praise and worship – where ever it is that God meets you, meet Him there and bask in that healing, until that healing is a permanent reality! God Bless.

Thank You for Reading. Andrea

Thank You for Reading.
Andrea

31 Days Journey to Healing

31 Days Journey to Healing

afiveminutekeep calm blog31 Days Nester


Leave a comment

Healing Sunday {3} A Reaquainting with the Jesus of the Bible ** 31days of Healing Scriptures


On this 19th day of this challenge we had a much loved guest preacher in and OH how God confirmed and worked; from praise and worship to the prayer time at the end it was ALL about …

Jesus

The Jesus of the Bible and His finishing of what He had come to do! Quickly let me share with you the confirmation {for and about my lil’ Sis), instruction, a video and what I came back home with.

The Confirmation: 2 Timothy 1:7 ~ A well known and used scripture!

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

My sister has something going on health wise, and RN or not these things frighten her; whether it’s herself, her children or just anyone she cares about. She’s frightened of dying, I think, and of other “health” issues that are prone in our family. So she shared on everyone’s favorite social media outlet and asked for prayer and I answered. She knows God is with her and she knows that He’s always taken care of her; but like many of us in these situations she wondered if she might be asking too much this time, again, I believe. This time she has a specific fear: the side effects of Chantix, the quit smoking drug. She’s trying to get healthier and the drug touts some interesting side effects.

My response was: You’re going to be fine. YOU know God is with you! And I shared with her 2 Timothy 1:7.

Well the confirmation that I had ministered to her correctly was today’s sermon and the Scriptures used; including 2Tim 1:7. Gotta Love it when God let’s you know you’ve done well like that!

The Instruction: Getting to REACQUAINTED with The Jesus of the Bible! The preacher said that years ago he had started to do something specific. When he was feeling aches and pains or downright sick he would go to the New Testament and read the stories about all those that Jesus had healed, and in no time he would be well again.

Jesus Cross

Instruction: Say, Pray and Read what God says about your illness, malady or just that little bout of sniffles.

The preacher’s message was, It is Finished.

John 19:30 When Jesus had tasted it, he said, “It is finished,” and bowed his head and dismissed his spirit.

Jesus’ last words from the cross. You see Jesus came to finish something … He came to destroy the works of the devil, and He did! Healing is a result of that finished work!

With it He gave to us “not a spirit of fear; but of POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND. Study that out sometime …

We have the authority and Power to overcome illness!

We have have the Love of God within us and are called to give that back out!

And …

We have been given Soundness of Mind to do ALL of this.

Do you want more and more of God’s kindness and peace? Then learn to know him better and better. For as you know him better, he will give you, through his great power, everything you need for living a truly good life: he even shares his own glory and his own goodness with us! And by that same mighty power he has given us all the other rich and wonderful blessings he promised; for instance, the promise to save us from the lust and rottenness all around us, and to give us his own character. 2Peter 1:2-4

Do you want more? Then join me and get to know Him better … Follow Jesus to healing by reading about all the healing He performed in the New Testament. Read, follow and pray how He healed and receive that healing yourself! The more we know Him and His character the more we receive His great power and everything we need for life and godliness … then receive more of His own character!

The better we know Him, the closer we get, the more His character becomes apart of us!

Press in andGod will respond to you, Manifest Healing comes within that response.

And now a video of the fabulous song we sang in worship of Him today! Wish you could hear our worship band playing this … it was amazing! One of young ladies has an incredible and anointed voice and she sings this with such moving emotion, I can’t even explain it in words, it must be felt. =) May this bless you!

We are not shaken, we are not moved …. We wait upon you Lord! Let this song wash over your spirit and I promise you will feel the healing begin as He responds to your praise! ❤

Thank You for Reading. Andrea

Thank You for Reading.
Andrea

31 Days Journey to Healing

31 Days Journey to Healing

keep calm blogafiveminute31 Days Nester

 


Leave a comment

Looking Forward to Spring … Venting vs. Complaining


Looking Forward to Spring

Looking Forward to Spring

The rough in our lives is abrasive these days and I feel like this blog has gone from being positive to a place where I complain in the guise of venting.

What do you think?

Seriously, let me know in the comment if you feel as though I complain too much here.

After all this is supposed to be about Living Positively On Purpose!

“Do all things without grumbling or questioning,”~ Philippians 2:14

That being said and asked what is the difference between venting and complaining.

Complaining and venting look very similar, however they are vastly different.

Venting is blowing off steam. The goal of the vent is to get rid of the negative feelings about a situation and can be done alone. Venting does not require an audience; many vent through prayer, music outlet and, or  physical activity, etc.

A good vent helps the person refocus on positives in their lives and keeps the mind focused on a solution. The result of a good vent is that the person feels mentally, spiritually and emotionally better.

Complaining, on the other hand, is a destructive pattern that requires a captive audience to dump on. Complaining has no clear goal for release and the person doesn’t feel better when they are done.

I am finding with this post that I am venting. Whewww! I was really concerned, because my goal is to find peace in this life, we have here in Hutchland, no matter what the circumstance. And I must admit, that at least within myself, I have felt some definite strife. Again, it’s a matter of controlling my natural desire for things to be about “me, me, me”, for once and calming that strife with the Word of God and good counsel.

My friend of good counsel does not allow complaining or self involvement. She does recognize that I need support, often, but does not allow the “woe is me” syndrome to take hold. And for that I am grateful.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” ~ Ephesians 4:29

So I vent … here and to my friend, and afterwards I can honestly say I feel better. I have worked with God and friends he has blessed me with, to get me to this place of venting and not murmuring and complaining about this life He blessed me with.

“Take good counsel and accept correction—that’s the way to live wisely and well.We humans keep brainstorming options and plans,but God’s purpose prevails.” ~ Proverbs 19:20-21

As the snow falls, yet again, here at the Jersey Shore, I am diligently seeking peace and quiet in my today. There are many who need my help today, I’ve already counseled 2 and while I feel a bit frustrated and put upon (because they are NOT venting!), I know that I have the tools and outlets to keep things in perspective.

How do you vent?

Do you feel better when you are done?

I encourage you today to examine whether you are complaining or venting. My go to solution for the circumstances here in Hutchland is prayer, worship and the Word, I find that these things bring both peace and solution to even the smallest of problems in my day.

God Bless.

 


10 Comments

Praise … The Joy in our Hands… #Trust30


Call to Arms by Sasha Dichter

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands.Ralph Waldo Emerson

What if today, right now, no jokes at all, you were actually in charge, the boss, the Head Honcho. Write the “call to arms” note you’re sending to everyone (staff, customers, suppliers, Board) charting the path ahead for the next 12 months and the next 5 years. Now take this manifesto, print it out somewhere you can see, preferably in big letters you can read from your chair.

You’re just written your own job description. You know what you have to do. Go!

(bonus: send it to the CEO with the title “The things we absolutely have to get right – nothing else matters.”)

(Author: Sasha Dichter)

_______________________________________________________________________________

At this point I am forced to believe that this “Trust 30” Challenge is a world view of how we humans are to become Self-Reliant.

I would have to do some research, which I someday may, on Emerson’s religious, spiritual views. However, whether Christian or Atheist, what I see in each of his quotes is a very clear and evident faith.

The kind, well-educated and well minded authors interpreting these lines of quote, possibly out of the context of the original essays, apparently do not see Emerson’s faith. Or, having seen it try to fit it into the too small vision of their world and this Trust 30 challenge.

God does not fit into any box, let alone one defined by the world view of today.

Todays quote speaks to ” the SECRET JOY in our hands” … their interpretation is this quote somehow equates to our being IN CONTROL of our profession.

…and they would be correct, but so off base by crushing this God concept into that world view box!

Our first and most important calling (what the world would view as profession) is to Praise and Worship our Creator.

The foremost reason we, humanity, were created was to praise God, to love God, to be God’s companions.

Revelation 4:11

“Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created.”

To quote a pastor I grew up under, “We were made by God, For God.”

So what is this “JOY in our hands”?

The Joy in our hands is our ability, our desire, to Praise God for all He has provided. It is Joy for us to Worship God in His sovereignty, giving Him the accolades of our reverence, honoring and glorifying the Almighty God for what He has done for this dying world in which we reside.

The Joy in our hands is the gratitude that drops us to our knees in the most trying of times, as well as the most joyous and victorious times, alike.

He is worthy to be praised!

So what of the “Secret of fortune” the quote speaks of immediately?

The secret is in the praise, in the worship. Our desire to Praise and Worship God, to acknowledge with loving reverence His Son and to follow the guidance of His Holy Spirit is the secret.

The fortune is derived from the obedience of our Praise and Worship of God. It is in our obedience to God that His grace is garnered. It is the obedience in which we operate our faith that garners the favor we receive in this life, and beyond, as His Children.

In obedience to this prompt, here is my Call to Arms to the CEO, to the Staff, suppliers and customers…

to ALL who are to be laborers for the Kingdom of God …

Psalm 150

1 Praise the LORD.

Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
2 Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,
4 praise him with timbrel and dancing,
praise him with the strings and pipe,
5 praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.

6Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.

Praise the LORD.

…Lift your hands, Lift your hearts, Lift your eyes

and …

Let everything with in you, praise the LORD!

Blessings Loves ♥


Leave a comment

Peace~Quiet~Wholeness


“Let My Words be Few” Thursday

Here at HOPEannFaith I am challenging myself to be concise in my writing, and I invite you to join me. It is my hope to write spirit filled, inspirational posts touching our Spirits, not just our minds and flesh. I also hope this will improve my writing skill set, while deepening my spiritual walk. If you would like to join me in this challenge simply leave me a link to you ‘Let My Words be Few’ blog post or simply leave your post in the comments, and I will link your post into mine for that week. Your post can be about anything positive! The goal is to be inspirational while using the fewest words. You can see I’m still working on that, so there is NO word count requirement. You may use the Thursday if you like, but it is not a link…I don’t know how to do that! 🙂 I’m a writer not a techie! Just manually link the picture to my blog from yours and we will be good to go, and your readers will be able to join us.                                                                                                                                                                                                           Thanks  for reading Loves!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     I welcome the company.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Blessings ♥           

This will be a true “Few Words” post. Finally! 🙂

I’ve been working all day. I sit here now well into the afternoon as the winter light begins to shift into the uneasy light. That seasonal sensation professionals now call a disorder. It causes me to feel ill at ease…

Then I remember…

I was not given a spirit of fear…

That is what this uneasy light is really. Fear. So much causes fear and unrest.

Devotionals today were about righteousness…one was about rest, then I read one about righteousness which led me to the concept of quietness which can mean rest. 

However, what I got was Peace from both. 

Peace with myself…my work…my gifts…me…Peace.

“…the fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever. ” Isaiah 32:17

Peace*Shalom ~ complete soundness {a sound mind….}, prosperity, Wholeness, quiet, safety, literally….

NOTHING MISSING OR BROKEN FROM MY LIFE.

The fruit of righteousness is Peace ~ My right standing with God will be Peace.

Where is this quietness in me? That undisturbed rest, safety, the peace to be carefree?

I wonder why I am tired often….My heart? My mind? My lonliness…

Then I return to my devotions…

“…for it is time to seek the Lord, until He comes and showers righteousness on me.” Hosea 10:12

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

“Blessed is the woman who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is the Lord. She will be like a tree planted by the water…She will not fear when the heat comes, she will not be anxious in the year of drought (my desert!), nor cease to be fruitful.” Jeremiah 17:7-9

{Each link is my paraphrase, that is if it is not consistant with the NIV translation, and linked to the blog post devotional from which it was recieved.}

I find my rest…my peace…my Shalom is disrupted off and on these days. I am truly grateful that it is not continually dried up in that desert place I was for so very long. Although I do recognize that when my Peace is gone and I am nolonger the fruit of the righteousness God has given me that I have returned, somehow, to that desert.

My solution…SEEK God…CRAVE after GOD!

I bought ‘one thousand gifts” by Ann Voskamp; the book arrived today. I am going to go relax, rest and begin reading this treasure of gifts from God that Ann has given us to unwrap. I’m thinking of joining the book club…but it causes deep unrest in me. I want to belong to this blogging community. I want my gift of Words on the Whitespace to be profound and quoted. I want to be like these women!

I guess I’m comparing like the Bonnie @ Faithbarista said…

I write! I am a writer! It is both my calling and my gift! I want to honor God with this gift…I hope that I do…

Blessing Loves ♥


2 Comments

In Faith I Follow: ‘though I walk through the valley of shadow…’


Dry

 

I thought I might be out of the desert.

I believed I was just inside the shade and cool of the copse of Cypress Trees that were my rest in the Lord.

A mirage perhaps, a delusion – illusion – a small welcome reprieve?

I thought this firmament was the place of rest; yet it seems a valley is vast in my path.

The desert I know is behind me, but I know to look back would cement me in this place.

I press on toward the prize, one that lies just around the bend.

Do valleys have bends; corners? As far as my spirit’s eye can see there is just the unknown.

...tho I walk through the valley

 

I can feel the soft breeze from those Cypress. The breeze offering satiation for my thirst there, sustenance for my hunger.

I press forward, in caution tempered Faith…

Though I walk through the valley of shadow…

The unknown, the foreign, the painful…

I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God…

Ahh the breeze from the shelter inviting Cypress promising …

My Cypress 'Fir'

 

In faith I follow…Through Prayer I persevere…Through the pain of this awful desert’s valley, I cry out this prayer…

Knowing that God will recall, with affectionate heart, the words His David cried out to him in the ethers of centuries past.

Knowing that, even in my voice, He will hear the one after His heart, and know that I genuinely seek, no Crave His face alone.

If I can see His face, My Father’s face, I know I can endure this transformation…

Shall I hum,  I will sing with tears as if to cry out…

Palm 31

 O Lord, I have come to you for protection;

      don’t let me be disgraced.

      Save me, for you do what is right.

  Turn your ear to listen to me;

      rescue me quickly.

   Be my rock of protection,

      a fortress where I will be safe.

  You are my rock and my fortress.

      For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger.

  Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me,

      for I find protection in you alone.

  I entrust my spirit into your hand.

      Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God.

  I hate those who worship worthless idols.

      I trust in the Lord.

  I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love,

      for you have seen my troubles,

      and you care about the anguish of my soul.

  You have not handed me over to my enemies

      but have set me in a safe place.

  Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress.

      Tears blur my eyes.

      My body and soul are withering away.

 I am dying from grief;

      my years are shortened by sadness.

   Sin has drained my strength;

      I am wasting away from within.

  I am scorned by all my enemies

      and despised by my neighbors—

      even my friends are afraid to come near me.

   When they see me on the street,

      they run the other way.

 I am ignored as if I were dead,

      as if I were a broken pot.

 I have heard the many rumors about me,

      and I am surrounded by terror.

   My enemies conspire against me,

      plotting to take my life.

  But I am trusting you, O Lord,

      saying, “You are my God!”

  My future is in your hands.

      Rescue me from those who hunt me down relentlessly.

  Let your favor shine on your servant.

      In your unfailing love, rescue me.

 Don’t let me be disgraced, O Lord,

      for I call out to you for help.

   Let the wicked be disgraced;

      let them lie silent in the grave.[a]

 Silence their lying lips—

      those proud and arrogant lips that accuse the godly.

 How great is the goodness

      you have stored up for those who fear you.

   You lavish it on those who come to you for protection,

      blessing them before the watching world.

 You hide them in the shelter of your presence,

      safe from those who conspire against them.

   You shelter them in your presence,

      far from accusing tongues.

  Praise the Lord,

      for he has shown me the wonders of his unfailing love.

      He kept me safe when my city was under attack.

 In panic I cried out,

      “I am cut off from the Lord!”

   But you heard my cry for mercy

      and answered my call for help.

 Love the Lord, all you godly ones!

      For the Lord protects those who are loyal to him,

      but he harshly punishes the arrogant.

  So be strong and courageous,

      all you who put your hope in the Lord!

Blessings Loves ❤


Leave a comment

I believe….My Personal Sahara


 

Dry

 

I entered a Dry Season, unknowingly,it crept up on me and seemingly, overnight I was dying…       

Having survived this dry season; I want to say it was six months long. However, looking back, it was probably more like a year ago it began. That’s  when I knew, being the secretary, that we were loosing our church, and likely with it our Pastors‘, to a new call of God on their lives. I was simply unaware I had entered a dry season, because I had never experienced a Dry Season, in my walk with God.        

A year of building anger, sorrow and a deep sense of desolation and abandonment.           

I look back from, feet firmly planted, what feels like well nourished land. I have landed on my spiritual feet, so to speak.           

 I look back.           

 What was the lesson there?           

 I look back at that parched and cracked place that was my heart. I believe that that is where the desert experience, or the dry seasons, occur –  a place in the heart. I look back and I see the dry and cracked ground, the remenants of my “old” heart.           

 Then I think, I cringe, at the thought of having written the word Survived! As if some old wives are going to run in and jinx me! Ah, will the old man never leave this flesh?           

 Obviously I have survived to this place where I, again, feel comforted by my God. This peaceful solitary where I can audibly here my Father’s voice. Where the Word of God soaks in deeply, stirring the very Spirit of God, which is the essence of who I am. The Garden of Eden, where the Word is richly fed and cultivated. Sown into that Good Ground we hear about when we sit comfortably in our usual aisle seats on Sunday mornings.           

 Yet! I want, desperately to take back that word… survived!     

  The ‘what if’ in my flesh begins nagging, maybe I am not done, yet, in that desert place.          

 The ‘what if’ Distraction.          

 Distraction from the very thing God was teaching, preparing me for.           

 The lesson?           

 Survival?           

I have honestly survived much in the short 40 something years of this life. Some things small; some so huge one must believe in miracles and a God who saves.           

Literally SAVES, as in rescues.           

 The Desert!           

 Have I survived the desert? A dry, brutal place. Worse than any clinical depressive state I endured at the urging of heredity. Yes worse than that black swirling vortex of nothingness and depravation.           

 A Dry Season of the Spirit.           

 Because, as a Christian, I had only heard about being dry, because I had only those scriptures in Exodus and Ezekiel that told stories with illustrative analogies to go by, I didn’t realize what was happening. I didn’t recognize the slow progression of dehydration. I attributed the emotions to my heart event, the transition the church was going through and the unfamiliarity of the church we were becoming. I didn’t like the changes, I wasn’t comfortable with these new people, they didn’t know me, my family….           

 Dry Bones… Ezekiel was talking about, illustrating, the desert experience. I believe…        

 What was the lesson?          

 Mine, I believe….          

 “I believe, I believe…It’s silly but I believe”; I hear Natalie Wood‘s sweet voice, in A Miracle on 34th Street, repeat over and over again.           

Matthew 18:3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.           

 I believe…             

My lesson; what I gleened, from my dry place was two fold.            

Trust God with God’s things! Very important.     

A change in Pastors.          

A loss of my Spiritual Parent’s parenting (they are not lost, they are out on a different mission for the Kingdom.).          

 A church move and some of the Church Family moving on.          

These are God things.           

 I, being His human daughter, thought I knew best what should be. I began demanding, of God, to know why, and bucking every change that occurred.      Being me, I envisioned what we would transition into and it was not what God, or the new Pastor had planned.          

 And then the battle began. Long before I even knew I was in a battle.          

 Having been taught well,  I knew the, “touch not My Anointed” deal. As the church secretary that was utmost. I was one of the layers that buffered the Pastors’ during the week and on Sunday morning. Making appointments instead of just allowing anyone with a gripe to infultrate that barrier.           

 But the new Pastor, he didn’t want this. The new Pastor had a new, his own, vision that God gave him. And I had the audacity to come home each day and speak what I thought about that!!!           

 I never considered that our Church had moved up a level. I never considered that the changes were from God. By the time this revelation came I could no longer feel anything spiritually! I had created my Desert Experience.     I felt like I had a terminal illness and that God had left me. Note I said FELT. I knew He had not forsaken or left me….but I nolonger was enjoying His tangible presence.          

 Elvis God had left the building!      My joy was gone…what was I going to do?          

 I was certain I would die.          

 The second thing I learned was that this Desert place was a place of preparation. I learned this as I was leaving the Saharah of my heart!            

You see, God wanted, I believe, to see if I would remain in my place. If I would utilize that tremendous Faith He had instilled in me to trust Him with this, the most important transity life, thus far.Even my heart event, I believe, takes a second seat to the importance of this spiritual transition. In all of my angst, anger and sorrow, would I stay? Would I fulfill the station God had set me in. Would I man my post, in a time when I felt that everything was being taken from me? Just everything, every shread of our Church life was being uprooted, and things I didn’t realized had been lost in the move, including siblings in Christ, (they are not lost either, :), they have moved on to what God has for them. All is well.).           

 Would I remain?          

I didn’t know up to about a week or two ago. Talk about the fence, mine was disintegrating beneath me, like a raw wood slat rail that had weathered too many alternating seasons. My fence could no longer weather any storm. I was broken, dry, barren. I was the weary talked about in the bible.          

I was also the picture of “Stand, and when you can no longer stand….Stand some more!” Unlike Moses, though, I didn’t have an Aaron and Hur to hold my arms up in praise of the LORD. My desert experiencewas a slitary thing, I didn’t feel comfortable burdening my friends with what I was going through, for several reasons. Still, somehow, crying and screaming I stood! Crying out and praying I managed to continued to praise, but it was all the more painful when the music didn’t get in…     

This is how that felt…     

 

 Somehow I got the breakthrough.           

 How?           

 Many times a dry season is to push one to repentence.           

 I believe…           

 I believe mine was for me to give up, yet another family, to God, for God. Long story, being from a fractured family; fractured by mental illness, divorce, abuse of all kinds and then addictions, my family seems, feels, nust be gone, at a distance. A long distance. Therefore there was a sense of deep abandonment that resurfaced in this dry place. There is a reality of abandonment in my past, so I didn’t understand why it was, suddenly returning. The God I knew did not operate in this fashion!           

 I felt as if none of this was of God…for the longest time. I couldn’t see God in the changes, the transitions that were occurring in many areas of my life, simultaneously. Yet, I stood. I remained still, knowing God was God.           

 So I survived :/ …or was I victorious, or…           

 Have I been sent to the next level? Or all of the above?           

 I have to say, I don’t know. I’ve, through this dry experience, learned to leave God things to God.           

 That fact of the matter, to my joy,  this heart is being soaked again. This heart and this spirit can hear my God again.           

 I believe I was being prepared for what God had prepared for me. I’m not sure what that is, but I have a hope. I know God planned for me to have a hope, prosper and nothing can harm me. That is as long as I be still and know that He is God. As long as I hold my post, as meanial and lowly as it feels. As long as I am obedient to the call that God has on my life.           

 I’m going to stay in Ephesus. Here is a great article, it was the first thing that spokecontaining the very quiestions I had been worrying like a bonebefore I saw the edge of the forest from the Sahara.           

 I read today a great post over at Sarah Markely’s blog: A Loose Grip: On Loosing a Home. I’ve lost my home, my first home…someday I’ll give my salvation testamony and you will understand better. I lost the Home God literally told me was mine: our Church.            

Sarah talks about letting go of the things that we find vital in a home…            

the laughter            

the mural your son drew just about the toy box            

the old comfortable chair…(on the aisle)            

She described how we attach our emotions, our feelings, sometimes to inadament things…like the walls of the room where laughter reigned; as if somehow the sound of our joy was encapsulated in the paint and sheet rock, stored for eternity.            

She revealed my horders heart, in her post, in her sweet by raw way. I love her unashamed honesty. Go here, read, and then love on her. She is irrestibly lovable.            

I was hording memories…and as Steven Furtick said in this sermon: Get Back #1: You cannot build on yesterdays memories.            

So, I am boxing up those memories. Storing away all the pictures of RLFC’s greatest times, to look at when I can handle them. And I am going to hold those things that I am having trouble giving up, loosely, so that when the time comes for them to be packed, or discarded or given to one who would benefit more from them, I will be able to let them go.            

For now, I am grateful to my God, that I have come out of the dry season. I still have issues, but I am working those selfish things out with Him.            

I am grateful to be out, and me again. Even if I am still, simply standing in the first shade of the lush copse of Cyprus; still within reach of that arid, cracked desert.            

I see my Sahara, and like that depressive vortex of hell, I never want to return there.            

So it is to the next thing I go.            

To this new thing God is doing.            

Expecting God to guide me.            

Expecting the blessings that Father always gives His kids.            

Because I believe…I believe…it is VERY important that I believe.            

After all it really is the only rule…            

I believe…            

             

1 John 5:4-6 (New International Version, ©2011)            

4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.            

6 This is the one who came by water and blood—Jesus Christ. He did not come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth.            

Here are some Scriptures on Spiritual Dryness for reference:

John 1:1,14; Jude 4; Romans 5:1; Habakkuk 2:4; Jeremiah 17:19

Blessings Loves ♥

             

    

        

          

   

     

       

   

  

    

   

 

         

 


1 Comment

God’s Promise:Protection in the Dessert…


For the first time in my Christian walk, I am in a dry place. This desert is cold, oddly enough, and I ache. I press into God, like I know to do and yet…

I still could cry at any moment.

I still cry out to God for guidance. I hear His comforting voice say, “Feed yourself child, even a small child goes into the kitchen and finds a morsel when she is hungry; drinks from the tap when her throat is dry. Feed yourself.”

So I feed myself and still feel sad and heartsick and …Dry.

Since this is a first I am (was) completely lost as to what to do. So I do as the bible instructs and I press in and stand; I get in the Word and stand on what I know. Yet months I feel more deeply parched.

 The dehydrating of my spirit is causing confusion in my thinking…and back to the Word I go.

I call our new Assistant Pastors…very, very close friends. Siblings in Christ, family and ask pointed questions. Why? Because this is very personal to the transition our church has had in the last several months. It feels like I am not being fed in church, like there is a drought of the Holy Spirit. Yet…I know this is me, not everyone. I know that to move forward in the ministries God has planned for me I must serve gladly and willingly, in obedience, to the man of God, the Shepherd I am placed under.

I know this is mourning. I felt this when my uncle passed away last March, but differently. It is the mourning of the move of my spiritual parents, mourning church as it was…

Dryness is uncomfortable, but I realize I am not being moved; therefore I am not to go to another church to find what I believe I am missing. I know that I am not to move…yet I crave the Fire of the Holy Spirit. I crave a spirited sermon. I find I am craving the past…and this is not good. It is not forward movement it’s stagnation.

So, I press in. I pray more, I praise more; I look to the Word more, I listen more closely and press in during the very, very good teachings of the Pastor, knowing that this dryness will be watered by these things. Soon, as I cry to the Lord, I will be answered, because He never leaves nor forsakes me.

I found this today. In my angst, this dryness, I didn’t get around to my devotions until later in the day. Although I did pray, I did spend time in Praise…but still I am dry.

This is how I feel, have been feeling…honestly. [the words in brackets are my insertion; how I read this Psalm…how I pray these scripture verses.]

Psalm 38

6 I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
7 My back is filled with searing pain;
there is [seems to be] no health in my body.
8 I am [feeling] feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

15 LORD, I wait for you;
you will answer, Lord my God.
21 LORD, [I know that You] do not forsake me;
do not be [are not] far from me, my God.
22 Come quickly to help me,
my Lord and my Savior.

Come quickly LORD…I desire to delight myself in You, LORD, not just simply exist in You. Come quickly.

Blessings Loves ♥