HOPE*ann*FAITH

Learning to Live , Again, On Purpose.


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It’s Not about Me {YOU} … It’s a God Thing


Forgiveness …. I have written MANY posts about forgiveness over the years {You can peruse that library of posts right here, if you’re bored!}. Much like you, and most people, I’ve forgiven MANY for MUCH. That’s the way life is.

But what about those people … those acts, that we cannot seem to forgive?

Is it in our nature to forgive? I don’t think so, not in our natural, carnal selves.

To err is human, to forgive divine. ~ Alexander Pope

Forgiveness is a Spiritual thing of healing.

Forgiveness is a God thing.

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake and remembers your sins no more.
 Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case for your innocence. Isaiah 43:25-26

So if God blots out my transgressions (sins) and remembers them no more and offers to argue (discuss, workout) the matter with me; who am I not to forgive those who transgress against me?

Forgiveness is not about ME. It’s about God … It’s me being about the things of God.

Like I said: I forgave many for much; and when I say much I mean a tremendous amount of wrongs! And in this world, even in our families, today, tremendous wrongs are an everyday thing. We’ve fallen so far into the depravity of the world’s view that the “I’m not hurting anyone” mantra is rote.

Well un-forgiveness is painful! To ourselves and to the other parties involved.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiveness is a God thing. Good thing He made us all in his image, to be like Him and do His work in this earth.

Un-forgiveness is like a cancer, one we choose to cultivate! It doesn’t harm the un-forgiven party as much as it harms us, ourselves. It causes bitterness and resentment and eventually total distrust of all, if left unhindered.

So if forgiveness is such a hard thing; and yes a thing, in my studied layman’s opinion, that we are incapable of on our own, without God; how then do we do this thing?

For me it was a hailmary task. I had nothing left in me when I came searching for home … for God. I’d been physically, emotionally, verbally and sexually abused. I’d been abandoned by act and deed and choice and neglected due to illness and lack and simply lack of responsibility.

And finally … I had found refuge in the Hubs before he was the Hubs. I didn’t trust at first. I actually fought, inadvertently my own worst hit man. I undermined my own security and happiness for many years. That often being the result of those who endure much abuse and neglect over time; they grow to believe that this is their lot in life and that they somehow deserve the cards that were dealt, when in fact, they, themselves deal from the bottom of the deck they are holding. Essentially choosing their abusers, as a form of control , and controlling when and how the abuse occurs (this is a DEEP subject that needs a post of it’s own, someday). Anyway, this is how I dealt with life prior to the Hubs and my road to my Salvation!

My road! Ha! It was God’s road and His plan! Seriously (again, for another post).

So back to the path of forgiveness ….

It was only with God, on His terms and with my submission to the Word, that I was able to come to a place of forgiveness for the Many and Much. For the most part I’ve been successful … it’s been 13 years, this month!

I didn’t forsake the fellowship. I attended (attend) church and keep my mind renewed by staying in the Word and prayer and relationship with God.

To forgive is to set the prisoner free and discover that the prisoner is you. ~ Lewis B. Smedes

Let me say it this way …

My hailmary, as I walked down the aisle, to the altar one Wednesday night, to accept the grace of Jesus as my Lord and Savior, was to beseech God, for what I wasn’t sure, but somehow I knew this was where I had to be, to fix it all. The very next thing God began to work on (FOR YEARS) was my un-forgiveness! It really was the first (well after ridding me of my previous “religion”) thing that was tackled in my spiritual walk. And it remains an everyday discipline.

The Many and Much are not gone. They walk and talk and tap at my heart strings, trying to play their melody of anger and resentment from time to time.

But I am FREE. I set aside the echos of my past and turn to the Word and fellowship of my fellow believers and continue to move forward, “It’‍s the only direction God gave us.”Gabe in Wish I Was Here; and I forgive, again.

Forward

Abandonment is an issue these days. Being the wife of someone battling cancer you find that your family and friends are kind of afraid of you. Oh they ask after the Hubs and offer prayer and blessings. But rarely do they ask the wife how she is, afraid that they won’t know what to say. Their priority if they are believers is to concentrate their prayers on his healing (and oh, how thankful I am for that!) and if they aren’t, I hazard to think of the pity prayers they offer up!

And there is the cancer itself, that threatens everyday to leave me alone, my heart destitute of the only honest and true love for me that has existed in this world (aside from Father God’s, that is.).

So I wake each morning thanking God for the faith and hope that He has given me, it’s His really. I thank Him for the army of intercessors that have gathered around the Hubs and I soak in those healing prayers knowing that they are for me too, even if they are not offered to me, per se. …

And I forgive Me, for being human and angry and resentful, for shaking my fists at the circumstances of my wisp of a life, right here and right now.

Because when we realize that God has forgiven us our worst, hidden in that dark corner of our deepest crevasse of soul, sin and remembers it now more, though we keep it in the corner of that crevasse, we can then begin to forgive ourselves for those sins, not the least of which is a lifetime of resentful un-forgiveness. Only then are we able to realize we aren’t capable of forgiveness on our own, so I …

Repent and thank  God that He has created me in His image to be about the work of His kingdom and ask that He help me to forgive the new Many and Much and move forward on the path He would have me walk … today.

Today … I walk in faith, not looking to the right or to left, simply looking to God, and I walk in forgiveness. Tomorrow I will start again, because Jesus did …

 This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. Matthew 26:28

Thanks for reading my faithful friends. Blessings to you all.

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Trust: Words that Move me to God Thoughts |Tuesday @ 10/ 31 Days of Writing


index2Here it is … Tuesday again and the 29th day of the 31 day writing challenge. I must say that near the middle the 31D challenge truly challenged me! I fell significantly behind; but Wheww! I’ve caught up!

Tuesday @ Ten

Tuesday @ Ten

 

 

Finding the Grace Within’s Karen Beth brought a really good prompt today! To join us in this blog link-up just follow the link in the picture to the left and get the skinny on how the link up works.

TRUST … Certain words and subjects bring me right to the subject of God in most conversations. Mainly because I’ve come to a place in my relationship with God that I know these subjects are His domain.

Trust is most definitely one of them.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” Proverbs 3:5

We’ve all had our trust broken by people. Most of the people who break our trust are those closest to us, this wounds deeply and leaves inner scars that we hide and rarely heal. That is if we do not seek for them to heal. But when we finally do seek to heal from our inner wounds it is God who heals and rebuilds that trust; but not in man.

He teaches us that humans are fallible; incapable of the absolutes we seek in them. That absolute trust is only held true in God; simply because He is unchangable, unlike humans. People are easily swayed, their minds and opinions change with on each direction of the wind and with those changes come broken promises and vows and trust.

But God. He says …

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

For some reason “our own understanding” is that a person, those we love and trust, are infallible. They are not. Like I said above they change, sometimes on the smallest of whims. We, too, are infallible; our word, promise and vows are just as fallible. I would find it suspect, at best, if there were anyone reading who hasn’t broken someones trust; purposefully and with intent or not, we’ve caused someone, somewhere not to trust us. And you and I both know regaining that trust takes a lifetime.

Again. But God. He says …

Forgive as I have forgiven you. We must …

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

And know we embark on the “but!!!” … How do I forgive some of the most heinous wounds? Well to be perfectly honest in and of myself I know that I am incapable of that! I’m almost 50 and I spent way too much of my life harboring deep resentments and wrath against those who harmed me. And that harm was SOUL DEEP. Permanent scars, or so I thought! When I came to the realization that I had to forgive I was far beyond mad. It incited rage within me! I felt forsaken, by those who had hurt me; the very people who were supposed to care for and protect me and now … yes, I felt forsaken by God!

In all that time of tragedy, abuse and neglect I had never felt forsaken by God, but realizing that I had to forgive shattered trust … well I was beside myself. And I say that because I was a participating Christian when the revelation came and I didn’t have a clue how I could continue in a faith that required the impossible for me.

But God. Here I am explaining it to you, my friendly readers.

Trustworthiness is a characteristic that is in The Image of God. An integrity we gain through our walk with God. We are taught honesty by our natural parents; but it is usually their version of honesty. And inevitable they are the first persons who break our faith in the human race. Luckily God made it them who we could forgive because of our lifelong relationship with them … our first lesson in forgiveness. =) God is so amazing, knowing who to sacrifice so that each of us could come into our true being as His children.

It took me a very long time to forgive my shattered trust. That brokenness that caused me to guard my heart against just about everyone in my life. For me, as for many, it was truly a self preservation thing. A lonely road, really.

I relearned trust in my honest seeking of God and His kingdom. These verses, when applied to my life gave me a new perspective on trust, and how to trust others.

I can now trust others because I put my trust first in God the Father. I’ve learned to trust God that He works in anyone around me, whether it is their true nature or not, so that I am safe and protected. Man cannot break my Trust anymore, because it is based on the only Man in my life capable of absolute honesty … Jesus.

So here are a LOT of scriptures for you to get into your heart, so that when the subject of trust comes up in your life you too can be sure of where your trust comes from. Secure in the fact that God’s Word is true and faithful even when those we love the most cannot be.

Do you need to repair broken trust in your life. Is there a relationship that you need to repair when it come to Trust and Honesty? I encourage you to get into the Word of God and press into your relationship with God the Father and trust will follow!

And … YES. You have an existing relationship with God, even if you aren’t aware or sure of it. Father God is just waiting on you to reconcile yourself to His Love … because Jesus already reconciled You to Father. Jesus did the work … you just need to lean in and accept and TRUST that UNCONDITIONAL Love!

These scripture are the start to getting Trust into perspective in your life. They work for me. I pray them. They helped me learn to trust people THROUGH God and now they help me to stay in contact with God first when trust becomes an issue in my life. And …

I always … Remember – Trust God First!

Joshua 1:9 Have not I commanded you? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be you dismayed: for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
2 Samuel 7:28 And now, O Lord GOD, you are that God, and your words be true, and you have promised this goodness to your servant:
Psalms 9:10 And they that know your name will put their trust in you: for you, LORD, have not forsaken them that seek you.
Psalms 13:5 But I have trusted in your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
Psalms 20:7 Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.
Psalms 31:14 But I trusted in you, O LORD: I said, You are my God.
Psalms 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in you.
Psalms 84:12 O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusts in you.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not to your own understanding.
Proverbs 11:13 A talebearer reveals secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit conceals the matter.
Proverbs 11:28 He that trusts in his riches shall fall; but the righteous shall flourish as a branch.
Proverbs 28:26 He that trusts in his own heart is a fool: but whoever walks wisely, he shall be delivered.
Isaiah 12:2 Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.
Isaiah 43:1 But now thus said the LORD that created you, O Jacob, and he that formed you, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name; you are mine.
Jeremiah 7:8 Behold, you trust in lying words, that cannot profit.
Daniel 6:23 Then was the king exceedingly glad for him, and commanded that they should take Daniel up out of the den. So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no manner of hurt was found on him, because he believed in his God.
John 14:1 Let not your heart be troubled: you believe in God, believe also in me.
Romans 15:13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
Revelation 21:5 And he that sat on the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said to me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
Thank you for reading.
Andrea

Andrea

31 Days Journey to Healing

31 Days Journey to Healing

keep calm blog

 


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Humbly Speaking About Humility | Tuesday@10 on Day 21 of 31Days


It’s Tuesday again, the day I attempt to utilize the Word Prompt from Tuesday@10 into The 31Day Writing Challenge! Some are easier than others … this one took some pondering, though I know what I wanted to get across.

This weeks prompt from KarenBeth is Humility and it certainly took a bit of time to wrap Healing up into Humility.

So may I humbly submit to you, my offering of prayer and healing to you, today.

Breaking Through to the Other Side of It ...

Breaking Through to the Other Side of It …

“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” James 4:10

True humility is a virtue I desire, most Christians desire; but like many of God’s characteristics, humility is not one I come by naturally.

Humility is not a value; it doesn’t express weakness or timidity. It is, rather, a gift from God, by grace, that should be revealed through our character. Humility, by definition is the opposite of pride.  And Jesus taught on humility, while on earth.

“Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:11

People who are truly humble do not seek attention, they do not seek to push a personal agenda. Genuinely humble Christians seek only to advance God by being the example of what God does through them, as individuals. It’s not about me teaching you how to pray, or instructing you how to receive your healing. It’s my showing, through my life and experiences, how God The Father has worked His plan through me!

God works mightily through the honest humility of people!

I can humbly tell you that I don’t know why I am alive today, after the diagnosis of congestive heart failure 5 years ago. I haven’t lost the necessary weight yet that would ensure heart health; though I’ve made strides and then failed. But I’ve gotten up from that failure to stride again, by the grace of God! It’s not me … my health is completely about God and His plan for me.

It is in all humility that I stand in awe of God’s Works, when it comes to The Hubs life and battle with the diagnosis of cancer! It is definitely by His Grace alone that we have come to this place in this battle full of life and love and testimony of healing and health. It is by God’s grace that The Hubs continues to stun the doctors with vibrant lung health even as they refuse to tell us that the cancer is gone and he is healed. And it will be to God’s Glory and Honor alone when they come to the conclusion that The Hubs is, most definitely Healed and Healthy! I anticipate, with great joy and excitement, that testimony!

I don’t have the answers, except that I believe God at His Word that I am {we are}  healed and that He has a purpose for me! I do not know the time of these miracles and their testimonies … I just know that they are there for us in God’s time. When this healing will make the most impact upon those around us!

When I stumble, and oh how I stumble, I do my level best to get back up and resubmit myself, humbly and with repentance to my Father God, always thankful that He is there with His Word to help me back up so that I can follow His instruction. I confidently put my trust in God and do not arrogantly demand that God allow me to do things on my own. I am useless on my own!

And speaking with honest humility, I have to say that I don’t do the above, ANYMORE! And when stress or life or emotions have me leaning back into my own human-ness; I humbly ask God for forgiveness, as soon as I come to my senses.

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; he sent out his Word {Jesus} and healed them, and delivered them from destruction. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his Wonderful works to humankind.”

Psalm 107:19-21

… let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind.

Being thankful is a part of humility. It’s admitting that I don’t know everything, in fact I know very little of what I need to do in life, without Him to guide me. And oh, let me tell you how thankful I am! Actually there are no words to describe this gratitude!

And humbly, we declare and decree the Word of God.

“Greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world.”
I thank God that “By His stripes Iam healed.”
And “No weapon formed against me shall prosper.”
All the honor to God the Father that “I shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord.”
“I will not forget the benefits of God. He heals all my diseases.”
I stand in awe that “The Lord restores health to me and heals me of my wounds.”
I thank Him, humbly that “Affliction will not rise up a second time.” within me.
Thank you Father that “The power of the Lord is present to heal you.”and me. In Jesus’ name I pray Your Words back to Your memory Lord, that You would see me, Your humble daughter, and bestow upon me Your healing touch. Amen.

 

Thank You for Reading. Andrea

Thank You for Reading.
Andrea

keep calm blog

31 Days Journey to Healing

31 Days Journey to Healing

Tuesday @ Ten

Tuesday @ Ten

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Family, Relationships and Forgiveness


I started this post mid-morning, it’s now just about 5 pm est. and my day has taken this post in a completely different direction … on the same topic.

I sat on the couch this morning contemplating my responsibilities of the day, I found myself simply unmotivated. I feel as though I’ve been running on empty and I’ve become quite numb. Our life here in Hutchland has become a non-stop, runrunrun, busybusybusy blur, lately.

Family responsibilities replaced the runrunrun and busybusybusy of chemoradiation therapy’s schedule. So relaxation and quality time have not been freed up as yet, and quite frankly I am wearing thin and so is Hubs.

Boundaries were set many years ago, and they have begun to feel violated. The thing is we we’re the violators, our families are only responding to our increased involvement, and in their view things are normal.

You see, they are of the world, we are not. You know the scripture, right?

Romans:12 And so, dear brothers, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living sacrifice, holy—the kind he can accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how his ways will really satisfy you.As God’s messenger I give each of you God’s warning: Be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you.

Forgiveness:

We’ve forgiven the transgressions of the past and we forgive the future. They don’t understand, they don’t understand us, really, and that’s ok; we’re here to show them who we are and by example the way we live.

I sat last night (really, from early afternoon to the night) on alternating phone calls from my mother, grandmother and sister. A family situation has upset my mother to action that has caused her illness to flare up. She has subsequently become angry with my aunt, cousins and sister (for a completely different reason, that was a bi-product of the original issue). Now my mother is relying upon me, 3,000 miles away, to be her support. And my sister, who lives in the same state as our mother; she just can’t possibly see past her own life to include the needs of her mentally challenged mother into her life, beyond her days off. It’s a rough situation that they are going to have to figure out, with a touch of encouragement from me, because I won’t allow this boundary to be violated. You see I was the one who lost her childhood to care for my ill mother and siblings for close to 40 years. It is only in the last year that my sister has been charged with helping our mother after our step-dad’s passing.

Guilt:

I often feel guilt for the way I feel inside my head, and sometime my heart, towards the needs and demands of the extended family. I guess there are still resentments because thoughts pop into my thinking; unsavory thoughts that make me uncomfortable and convicted. Guess it’s Holy Spirit reminding me again that thoughts of resentment toward them are unacceptable in the forgiveness realm. Yet my flesh rises, wondering why I must be the one; my flesh doesn’t want to be the caretaker, anymore.

Frankly my flesh, and sometimes my heart (emotions), long, desperately to be important enough to my extended family that they would step up and care for me. I mean, my husband is going through cancer treatments (and winning, thank God!), my youngest is battling (and winning, thank God) addiction and my oldest is simply struggling to get his life and career in order. Life has not been easy on us of late, but then life is hardly easy on anyone, right … yet, still my flesh rises.

But …

God made me the caretaker of the family. It has taken A LOT of forgiveness on my part to be able to handle the issues without a need for control, and thank God, because without him and a good friend/sponsor I would not be capable of this, at all.

I remind myself, regularly, that they don’t get it. They simply don’t understand my close relationship with God. So I continue to gently encourage them toward an understanding; forgiving the thoughtlessness, the accusations and the unforgiveness on their end.

If I don’t continue to live within the bubble of my (our) relationship with God I can’t do this with them. Did I already say that? Yes, it is my mantra … without God I can’t _____________ fill in the blank.

So when it comes to my family relationships, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed by their needs, I enter into God and remember this is how he built me. Whether I’m good with that or not, at the time.

So the weekend looms with much to do, and many to care for, and I thank God again that he built me for this, sometimes thankless, job. And I forgive the transgressions of others and stand behind my boundaries, should they choose to transgress.

It’s about staying in God’s will. It’s about obedience to what He has called me to do. And like forgiveness, my call is not about what the family needs, or does, or making them happy. It’s about me being who God intended me to be.

At the end of my day I want to please God. Everyone else … not so much.

Blessings and thanks for reading to my erratic posts.


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Family and Forgiveness and Thankfulness


Today, Day 4 of my year of thankfulness I find that God is doing something dynamic in my family.

And I am thankful.

Snowflake-Pictures-11

I’ve learned this year … specifically the last few months, a new importance of family.  I’ve learned that life is much too short to keep waiting to tell them that you love them. It’s too short to not forgive; think about it, we probably don’t even really remember what made us pull away due to having exaggerated it in our minds.

Awhile ago I wrote a very dark poem/short story about resentment personified, essentially it described what resentment does in a spirit when it is given free reign. And in the world today resentment has free reign, it’s sad. And yes, I indulged, for many, many years.

But this year I have doubled back and have begun to forgive and kill that resentment. It’s all about perspective.

Family … ofttimes it is within the family that this resentment breeds, generation upon generation.

Family … the remedy for this generational curse is Forgiveness!

In the book I just got, The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp she says:

“Because in the time of the prophets and kings, the time of Mary and Joseph, it wasn’t your line of credit, line of work or line of accomplishments that explained who you were. It was your family line. It was family that mattered. Family gives you context, and origin gives you understanding, and the family tree of Christ always gives you hope.”

And thanks to our Pastor taking us completely through those books as a study, over the last 3 years, I know that in those days, so long ago, the families were just like us! Fights, dysfunction, wars and deaths and addictions and adultery … we’ve really not come that far. They were humans and functioned as such … which is why God put aside His divinity and entered into a virgin womb to become like us … so that He could reconcile us back to Him!

He did this … He grew in a woman to be born into a fallen world to understand and love us, unconditionally. And so that we would choose Him … it was all for us. It was all for love and family.

He came for me, for you, in my brokenness, in my rebellion and dysfunction and He lovingly coaxed me to Him. Stood by me in my sin and held me in my tears … He held me while I lay in a tight fetal ball, abused and neglected and He held me in the dark and horrible nights after I had begun to seek that same abuse and neglect outside of my family.

The least I can do is Forgive.

And then I come to tonight … after forgiving so many, to realize I must teach forgiveness to my children. I must teach them to forgive so that the remnants of bitterness and resentment leave our home permanently!

And then God … knowing that I was reaching this point in my growing, in my maturity of my Christianity, He blessed me.

My youngest and most church resistant child said to me tonight, “I think I’m going to go with you to church tonight, I don’t want to stay home alone.”

OM Goodness, the joy! I quietly said “Ok.” and just as quietly thanked God and Jesus and just rejoiced in my heart and spirit.

And it was this night that a very dear friend brought the message of God loving us no matter how we felt about ourselves, no matter what we’d done or were currently doing! And my boy actively listened.

For this I am eternally thankful!

I don’t know if God is blessing me directly for the forward movement in Christ this family is taking. I do know that He is actively reaching my youngest and healing has begun.

I do know that when we begin to obey the direction of the Holy Spirit within us big things begin to happen in our lives.

A recurring scripture this week in my life is:

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! ~ 1 John 3:1

We are His children, He is our Father, we are His family … and what great love He has lavished! Being His children gives us context, knowing who we are in Christ gives us understanding and being in the family tree gives us hope.

I’d like to recommend this bookto you: The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp.

Blessings.

 


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On Forgiveness, Again


Let me just say I’ve had a hard several days. I allowed my feelings to be hurt. I allowed that voice in my head to, once again, out of thin air, say these words …

“See … You ARE invisible. No one has time for you!”

Right there began the spiral, for two days. The spiral of wounded feelings taking me deep … deep enough to re-encounter little me … and her absolute rage.

Please allow me to clarify I have fought not to be in this place. Yet, for many, many years it was a safe place for this spirit. A place where no one could touch me, because then they would be burned by the resentments. And while this place sheltered me from more pain and more ravaging from those who should have protected, I truly don’t want to even visit this dry, cold place …

The person who hurt has no idea I am feeling this way. While they are responsible for how they handle others that is between God and them … they are not responsible for how I respond to their in-considerations. Oh how hard, for me, that is, to wrap my head around.

Like one who assumes that others naturally behave they way they do when they are “bad” … those of us who strive to do “right” assume that others would or should behave the same. It’s the right thing to do, right?? Again, something between God and that individual.

Yet the hurt resonates to the core of my hurt little me … and I thought I had succeed in, finally, once and for all, healing her.

Not so.

I cried. I ached. I resented and honestly, decided that I would not trust, again. Eerily like I had (do) done with my parents, and the adults that should have protected, should have rescued.

I trust very cautiously, with my heart, with my circle of safety, and I, still, do not let many in. I don’t give “permission” to many to have influence in my life. It is, honestly, a guard my heart thing. The bible says to be cautious with men and to guard your heart; and I’m very good at this.

My natural shield is anger and resentment. But like that place with my little me, this shield is not acceptable any longer.

My shield now must be transparent. I must forgive the gut blows, as well as the inadvertent slights. If I am honest with myself, the wound I sustained a few days ago was most likely an inadvertent slight, and honestly I would have preferred to be gut punched. For me, it is the slights that wake that little girl’s voice in me.

This blog post was prompted by the fact that I recently came across my copy of “The Power of a Praying Woman” by Stormie Omartian and picked it up this morning to chapter three; ‘ Lord, Help Me to be a Forgiving Person’ and I began to read …

Obviously this was the Holy Spirit rising to show me the salve to this open and quietly aching wound. It is three days later and while I am good outside, handling it;  I am aching on the inside, as I work to get over this unexpected obstacle.

In her book Stormie, and firstly the bible says, if I have received Jesus and been forgiven my great debt, then I have NO RIGHT to be unforgiving to others. The Word says, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

If I don’t forgive … I imprison myself in my hatred and consent to torture myself by my own bitterness.

It’s a choice … this ache is a choice. Wrapping my head around that one.

So what do I get out of this resentment? What is my reward?

In the natural, it justifies my continued mistrust in others, which will quickly result in a mistrust of God; because it will boil down, in my limited humanity, that God is not protecting me. That He is forsaking me, contrary to His Word; contrary to His promises. This is where my natural thinking and my human, mental mechanisms will take me.

I am not going there! Regardless of the physical aching of this heart; of the sad feeling I sense when I am with those who have hurt me; a muted anger that they did not do what I perceive they should have done; I am not giving in to the old resentments.

It is hard to forgive those who have ravished, hurt, offended, slandered or mistreated us. It is for me. But God requires us to love everyone, at all times, even our enemies. And when we do this, God perfects us. It is a refining of the soul and of the spirit.  Matthew 5:48

So I choose Life and Forgiveness; just as I did when I walked to that altar and asked Christ to live in me.

I choose New Life … Like in this picture of my early budding wild roses … thorns and all. I choose New Life …

I choose to forgive that 490 times daily (which actually means whatever it takes) ;Matthew 18:21-22, because God requires us to forgive as many times as it takes. I have been hurt by many. Frankly, who hasn’t. But God made us in His image; and not only does He want us to forgive, as He did, He requires it of us to be forgiven.

Do you harbor unforgiveness in your heart?

Sometimes we are wholly unaware that there are layers upon layers of unforgiveness for those who have hurt us.

Would you like to rid yourself of the dark and dry place of unforgiveness in your heart today?

Please let me encourage you to go to your faithful Father God in prayer and ask that He help you to forgive. I’ll let you in on a belief of mine … I wholly believe that I am completely incapable of forgiveness outside of Christ, in whom I strive to reside … Christ in Me and Me in Christ! And the only way I am able to remove the mountain of unforgiveness, in this ravaged human, me, is through prayer and relationship with God.

Without Him I remain a seething ball of resentment. With Him and only with Him am I able to to love and forgive, and to reside in Christ.

The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian

May I encourage you to consider this book. Forgiveness is only one area covered in this power packed teaching about prayer. We do nothing outside of our communication with God and prayer is how we commune with Him.

Blessings Loves. Thanks for taking the time to read my heart. Please, I would love to hear from you … I long to hear your heart.

Blessings again.


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Forgiveness … Day 12 of the me He created …


I spent time after church with a new friend. A new Christian, in the very beginning of honestly changing the way she lives. A woman, hurting deeply from a wound inflicted by the one she loves and trusts; a woman stepping into the Kingdom of God and shedding the bondage of a cruel and dying world.

That world stepped up to stop her this week … and with every fiber of her being she took heart and walked into church again Sunday morning; into the loving arms of a family she didn’t know would be hers a year or so ago.

I was blessed to be her counsel. Awed that God would use me and the she would trust me. To be able to tell her about forgiveness and what it will do to mend heart, her relationships. Blessed to be able to truely minister to her from what was my deepest misery. Blessed to be trusted by God and by my new friend.

Forgiveness … something I was incapable of a short few years ago, myself, for similiar reasons and more.

Forgiveness … something I’ve learned heals a heart and a body.

Forgiveness … something that knits the bones of a relationship with a stronger bond for the courage that goes into it.

She blessed me more than I blessed her, Sunday. She made it possible for me, again today, to forgive those for the oldest wounds, within myself, with her tears; for the memory of my own …

Surprised at who He made me to be for yesterday … excited to see who He makes me to be for tomorrow.

Captive Thoughts

Captive Thoughts

 Forgiveness … it is the moment we touch the divine and are truly the image of God … We forgive and love like we never hurt a day in our lives … ♥ giving up hope that the world will be different and trusting God that we, ourselves have changed. ~ A.Hutchinson

Blessings Loves