HOPE*ann*FAITH

Living and Writing on Purpose: God * Life * Love * Realtionships * The Important Things.


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Embracing the Simple Life


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I’ve decided to be the authentic me. I’m weary from grieving my husband and son. I’m weary of being who others want me to be.

I’m even working slowly returning to my authentic hair color! Pulling out the red and looking for the gray.

I realize I cannot be who others want me to be, because the events of my life have me in a place of transition. I cannot make it faster. I cannot slow it down. And I certainly cannot go back. Oh, if  I could but go back . But that’s a fairytale and this is my real life.

I’m weary.

And when I think about finally embracing the authentic me, the honest and simple me, I feel peaceful. I feel like God, Himself is embracing me – the real me, the daughter He created.

My life has been utterly shattered. My little family literally cut in half in a year and a half’s time. Yet, here I stand.

Unashamed that I haven’t showered today. Okay with the fact that I was honestly relieved when our church’s game night was cancelled, so that I can remain home and embrace the solitude. Finally content to be me, finding who I am while gently shedding the mother and wife.

I am okay to stop the constant need to improve, strive and acquire. I won’t compete and grasp for those things that I don’t even really desire anymore. I don’t believe that their must be pain to gain – acquire – acceptance in this life. God said to be still. He said He would fight for me and I could keep my peace. (Ex.14:14).

This is my life. I desire humble (simple) and safe. Quiet but not necessarily alone. My husband and I did quiet together, he was a soft spoken, intelligent man. I desire to enter into that safe quiet and embrace the humbleness of solitude.

The Word says: Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10). Be still in this verse literally means: desist, cease your efforts. This is Jehovah Rāpha – The Lord your healer urging you to allow Him to be my focus, my exaltation of Him in my life. This exaltation of God heals us. It’s His child reaching for her father in her weariness.

STOP – Five Minute Friday   

 

I desire to be still. To not rush to those decisions that exalt themselves above my peace. The peace that God promises me in His Word. To not worry about cleaning my house, because everything/one tells me it must be “clean”; that my comfortable clutter and the dishes on my counter make me less than … I’m okay with my way of just maintaining the order of my house right now.

I desire a whole and healthy body, spirit and soul. And that means slowing down. Being still. Allowing God to order my life. Embracing who I really am. Passed the widow, the wife without a purpose. The mom, the mother without a child to care for. The “whoever” others expect me to be, when I just want to be me.

I’m embracing the peace of God.  It’s where I want to spend time getting centered and balanced in this 52 year old broken woman. The authentic me.

Thank you for taking the time to read my musings.

2Andrea


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Comforted


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In vv. 17 & 18 of Revelation 1 Jesus comforts John, “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and life.

You see John was completely overwhelmed with the situation he was in at the time – actually floored by the amazement of being in Jesus’ presence. And Jesus, having not changed, comforted John with the information/reminder that He, Jesus, was much bigger than the situation. That He was Omnipotent, that He had conquered death and now possessed the keys of death and life. Therefore John had no reason to fear because Jesus was in control and all things would be alright.
I know, for me, my situation these days can be completely overwhelming. All to often bringing me to my knees. Like John in the beginning of Revelation I often fall at Jesus’ feet as though dead. But as I remain in His Word He continually reminds me who He is in my life and comforts me with “Do not be afraid …”.

** For my dear readers who may still be looking to read, I’ve been gone for a LONG time. I tried to write after my husband passed, and succeeded a few times here and on A Widow’s Journey, however I was not able to sustain it. And then, after believing that no thing in the world could ever be worse than my husband battling and losing to cancer, I found that I was correct about the only thing I thought might top the level of sorrow I was experiencing, the loss of a child.

My youngest boy (man) lost his battle with heroin October of ’16 and I was slammed to my knees with the most devastating sorrow one could experience.

So I’ve been learning to breathe again. Learning to rise above the ever present grieving and live.

So here I am. I believe it’s time to write.

What has you on your knees today? Have you thought about How big God is? Have you remembered today that this is His plan and He won’t let it fail you? Have you looked up for help?

I encourage you today to open your Bible and get to know your Heavenly Father. I know that all my study of just the 1 chapter of Revelation brought me fresh understanding of just What and Who Jesus is to me … and who I am to Him. It’s comforting.

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